To get a lemon for SIL to suck?

[DisgraceToTheYChromosome]

SIL, who has never concealed her contempt for DW, is attending the Christmas bash at our house under sufferance. MIL, BIL, and the charming nieces have jointly instructed her (her words) that she is to turn up cheerful, hold her tongue, and not drag everyone away early. Oh joy. My conscience tells me I should be a good host, the Devil is tempting me to tease her. Help me resist my black and twisted humour. /rant.

Blimey...where have all your sense of humours gone? Seems like there's sour grapes on here...this is lighthearted! Lighten up all those who are taking this so seriously!

I think all the posters who don't get it must not have difficult relatives. DH and I have the same issue with my brother, who gets mad and sulks if anyone manages to know more than him about any subject. sometimes we amuse ourselves when he's gone by thinking of things we would have said if we didn't want to avoid the sulk.

Anyway, I say go for it OP, whatever it takes to get through the day!

Morning peeps. Isn't this fun? Incorrect gender (although bitch is fashionable again since Breaking Bad), RTFT fail, humour fail, general bunfightyness. To my supporters, props. To my enemies, toasted cheese! Hurrah!

dons leatherboy outfit, rides away on unicorn

Brilliant example to prop up the many MN gorn to the dogs threads.

I have a brother who requires this kind of 'management'. I too have a list of responses of which my favourite is 'so I presume your doing something useful with your superior IQ then or are you still trying to change the world one Xbox game at a time?'

Xmas, careful with that biscuit. OP has a unicorn to mount in a leatherboy outfit. Neither are very forgiving.

buy her some restaurant vouchers?

OP- Pride comes before a fall

I laughed when I read the OP ( not out loud) then read some of the responses and thought "bloody hell, Sense of humour fail from some"🙄

Hope the bash goes well, do use your put downs if she has a dig at your Wife and do report back.

Ahhh, happy families at Christmas...

Rise above it, disgrace - let her be the pita and you just smile benevolently and sup the glögg.

I do hope that unicorn is organic free range?

This thread is a perfect example of why we need to ditch the 'lighthearted' disclaimer - it certainly sorts posters into two distinct groups!

Merry Christmas OP!

a long standing good guy like the OP

Bless you WizardofToss, and may your children be merry, your turkey be moist and your DH not fart immoderately from too many sprouts.

No need to be Snarky, Auntie

"I always envied your childhood simplicity. The thatched cottage, the outside loo, the tin bath"

That's hardly her fault though, so I wouldn't use that one!

Jeez o unclench people. I thought it was pretty clear that the OP was just having a bit of a laugh, I don't for a minute think they're actually going to say any of those things.

I didnt think they were going to be said either.

It doesn't make them any the less nasty though. Or petty. Or childish.

They're just not funny.

I need to know more about her crimes before I allow a perfectly good gin accompaniment lemon to be thrust in her mouth!

Disgrace, your wife is a lucky woman... I've always fantasised about a knight in leather on uniformed horseback charging in to save me from evil sils.

Quiero, loving the Xbox put down, I'm nick get that and stuffing if into my arsenal

You could play Lemon Sucker Bingo. Everyone chooses a typical SIL phrase/dig and gets a point each time she mentions it. The winner gets a prize. Penalty points could be given for obvious cueing in, muffled snorting etc. Bonus points for being nice and heading off other players' possible points.

Bloody hell, Jorah, you set a low bar for human decency. I thought not raping and murdering just made one NOT a evil fucking arsehole.
I am with you on the phones in theatres though.