To get a lemon for SIL to suck?

[DisgraceToTheYChromosome]

SIL, who has never concealed her contempt for DW, is attending the Christmas bash at our house under sufferance. MIL, BIL, and the charming nieces have jointly instructed her (her words) that she is to turn up cheerful, hold her tongue, and not drag everyone away early. Oh joy. My conscience tells me I should be a good host, the Devil is tempting me to tease her. Help me resist my black and twisted humour. /rant.

A lemon is a very good idea.

Place it beside her and tell her it's there when she needs it. Then enjoy christmas.

Hmmm - if someone judged me for how wealthy my parents are or what uni I went to, I'd probably think their opinions were fairly worthless tbh. Unless she pretends to be posh or bangs on about how great her uni was or something?

diddl: this is where the problem lies. She got into the local Good School, and immediately abandoned her roots. The accent went first, then her childhood friends, then once she got to uni, her family. The ILs were never permitted to visit her in halls or digs, or to meet her friends. If she hadn't married BIL (who came from real money) and he hadn't insisted on meeting her family, she'd be a graduation photo on MILs fireplace. "Oh, that's our XXX. Not heard from her since Millennium Eve". Quite asinine.
/gloomy bit
Right. The unicorn's finished the chrysanthemums, so I'll tighten the straps and be off. Excelsior!

Well, they are, if you have ever been challenged by a poisonous rellie!

That much is plain to see from the range of responses. Those who regularly suffer the predation of such people harbour such silly thoughts.

Those who don't have such a rellie, or maybe are that rellie themselves, think such thought are ridiculous!

DH and I do this with fil it's the only way to keep sane

Your "comments to resist" make you seem like a complete twat to be honest.

I had sympathy up until that point.

Hahaha OP! I've got one of these so I can relate.

Will Christmas Day mainly be spent with SIL looking like this?

Good luck Disgrace! Hope you don't need them, but they did make me laugh. What a snob she must be!

I have an aunt who prompts us to play Auntie X Catchphrase Bingo. Great fun, highly recommended. Also fun is replying to her catchphrases in a way that stops her in her tracks,and watching her flounder.

Heh at this thread, and it's predictable responses.

Arfanarf is right though, nothing but nothing is worse that being perfectly lovely to someone like your SIL. Be oh so pleasant to her, no matter what she comes out with, smile sweetly and she will be gnashing her teeth in rage by the end of the day. You, meanwhile, will look like a saint, and smell of roses. Win win.

I'm stealing that Xbox line too!

From what Disgrace has posted on other threads (sorry, hope that's not bad form, but I've always found his posts funny, entertaining and/or helpful), he's not at all an intellectual snob - I suspect the "your university was a poly" comment is more because his SIL is one and is always banging on about her education.

Not a snob, no. Would a snob eat dripping? Or Surprise peas?

*It doesn't make them any the less nasty though. Or petty. Or childish.

They're just not funny.*

Well Sansoora I think the fact that they won't be said does make them less nasty. And I thought they were funny, but I am childish and a bit petty and really can't be arsed to get all pearl clutchy over something that's clearly a joke.

Anyway, Merry Christmas.

YABU, because you don't have any lemons left - they all seem to be wedged firmly into the mouths of many of the posters on this thread.

You can imagine how much worse my BIL and PoisonousSIL got when DH and I each decided to "throw away perfectly good jobs" and go to university? Oh, how they *laughed / congratulated us / snarked / called us stupid / commented on how big headed some people had become / berated us for living off other people's generosity / laughed at the subjects we had chosen to study / turned even nastier when we graduated and got good jobs, ones we actually enjoyed

*delete as applicable

There is simply no straight dealing with some people. For some the swan act is all you have: polite and smiley on the surface; thrashing with unspoken sarky comments underneath. Tis the only way to maintain your sanity.

Well, that and choose to drop all contact, which we did once DH managed to let go of his hopes of having a real familial relationship with them!

YANBU Disgrace - I often fantasise about what I'd like to say to unpleasant people that I have to put up with.

And here's a for those responders who didn't "get" your post.

You really should have put "lighthearted" in the title of course so it's your own fault really

Has your unicorn dropped a fragrant, rainbow-hued Christmas Surprise you can wrap for her? Those chrysanthemums go right through the system IME.

I don't get how many people didn't instantly work out what your SIL must be like from the nature of the snippy remarks you would like to make to her. Not to mention that you specifically said you weren't going to make them. I don't think thinking them makes you a bad person. Just human. If she does break out and have a stab at DW you have my full permission to stop resisting the temptation, even if the rest of the family does blame you for ever more. For evil SILs to flourish it is only necessary for good men to do nothing.

Love your posts here disgrace
I am gearing up to put up with a fucking nightmare of a SIL at the PILs house on Boxing Day and this thread has cheered me right up to know I'm not the only one suffering!

Ah I think this thread is full of sil types. Fwiw we play "imagine what would have happened if we replied to honestly rather than smiling politely and making mmm comments" games, so I know exactly where you are coming from!

Now I want biscuits and toasted cheese.
I often have little mantras running through my head to deal with difficult people, this time of the year I set them to Deck the Halls or other jolly festive tunes.(I'd never say them though.)
Can I ask, are SILs the new MILs?

'so I presume your doing something useful with your superior IQ then or are you still trying to change the world one Xbox game at a time?'

= funny!

"I always envied your childhood simplicity. The thatched cottage, the outside loo, the tin bath"

= not funny!

Sorry, but the OP just isn't funny.

I got what you were doing but am mighty peeved you have offered toasted cheese to your non supporting camp.

I have an annoying SIL, her own Mum admits she is an irritating nightmare and causes conflict. She is exhausting to be around.

Some posts remind me of 1984 be careful of the thought police.

Ah, but the thatched cottage, tin bath reference is to someone so snobbish that she rejected her own family as not good enough once she started her social climb.

It's the context that makes it amusing - and remember that the Op is nobly refraining from actually saying it.

Perhaps his supporters are to be offered mulled wine and minced pies instead? (Nice Op, generous Op )

What are 'surprise peas', Disgrace?!

*Anyway, Merry Christmas.

WhatamessIgotinto, thank you, and Merry Christmas to you also.