To get a lemon for SIL to suck?

[DisgraceToTheYChromosome]

SIL, who has never concealed her contempt for DW, is attending the Christmas bash at our house under sufferance. MIL, BIL, and the charming nieces have jointly instructed her (her words) that she is to turn up cheerful, hold her tongue, and not drag everyone away early. Oh joy. My conscience tells me I should be a good host, the Devil is tempting me to tease her. Help me resist my black and twisted humour. /rant.

I love the 'wasn't your uni a poly?' put down. I'd use it. It only works if the person boasts about their academic achievement at an ex-poly and they got a 3rd in something academic.

yes, I can be a cow but I don't care

I went to a red brick uni and two ex-polys.

theycallme

Things that preclude someone from being a "decent fucking human being":
Rape
Murder
Racism
Sexism
Child abuse
Hurting animals
Using your phone at the theatre

Things that don't preclude someone from being a "decent fucking human being":
Giving a twat a taste of their own medicine.

HTH :)

I went to a college in one of the unis that are split that way (not oxbridge but a similar set up), and got a very good degree in maths. When questioned about which college I've had some snobs state I didn't attend the best colleges for my field. I didn't, I attended the only one that did a bloody hard course akin to chaos theory that I was massively interested in. Those snobs largely have one thing in common - they attended polys and have giant chips on their shoulders. And don't like it being pointed out back to them

Except for one Oxbridge attendee who took the mick out of someone only to find they'd attended Harvard. The look on his face was priceless.

FWIW DH attended an ex poly for the same reason I didn't attend the 'best' college in my chosen uni - for an element of the course. I don't honestly think it matters myself, but its fun to pick out the snobs.

Anyway, nothing to do with the thread really.

Oh, I think the grapes being sweet this year is a reference to her normal sour grapes attitude?

YABU. Your poor SIL. If I was her I would put my foot down and make my family stay at home with me. You sound like a right bitch.

jorah

It seems that lots of people have massively misinterpreted the op. Wish I was awake enough to come up with a few extra comments for you op, however please accept my solidarity instead.

Seriously, OP, you're no Oscar Wilde, I'll just leave your attempts at wit to someone more able and be as gracious as possible.

I expect the grapes comment is a reference to sour grapes.

I get you Y. As a few others have said, I assume she is disparaging to people (dw?) about their education? So hoisting her on her own petard then. Op isn't being mean about poly/uni thing, she is.
I reckon some long, frantic party games would go a treat, if everyone else gets on board she'll either be fuming or even better FINDING HERSELF HAVING FUN! She sounds a treat, glad everyone is standing up to her.

If your SIL succeeds in following the instructions to turn up cheerful, hold her tongue, and not drag everyone away early then you would be vvvv unreasonable to tease her. It sounds like you want to provoke her into acting at her worst.

Giving a twat a taste of their own medicine. Have to disagree with you here. Do unto others etc. Rise above it. It's not rocket science.

And seriously, can you imagine how fucking horrible it would be for everyone present if one family member decided to start making un-funny jokes about another family member's intellectual achievement etc on Christmas day? Horrible.

I agree with fish. If she's going to make an effort this year you would be being a twat if you deliberately provoke her.

It has to be said, without having any context your favourite put downs do sound simply nasty. Clearly she has issues if her own children and parents are telling her not to be a twat.

I don't think the OP is really planning to provoke her!

I have a mental list of things I would love to say to prod the ants nest that is my DB's past but I won't, I just snigger to myself when thinking about it. We get on really well.

This is. Classic example of how MN has gone to the dogs and needs the stupid "lighthearted" disclaimer.

I bet Disgrace will be surprised to find himself referred to as a bitch! Like most decent husbands, he's trying to protect his wife from her sister's constant put-downs.

Anyway, he didn't say that he would be saying any of that, just that he must resist saying any of that.

If anyone openly admitted they needed to be told to hold thier tongue, turn up cheerful etc in order to attend Xmas in my home, they would be told to not fucking bother.

No retorts or put downs needed.

We all have our metaphorical crosses to bear at Christmas time, Disgrace . Yours appear to be your SIL and a bevvy of uptight MNers who can't see a joke when it's staring them in the face!!

OP I think keep these retorts up your sleeve, if SIL behaves herself then you don't need them. People have identified she can be an arse, don't let the day be remembered for your bad behaviour not hers. However the moment she starts on your wife, let her have it. can't think of any insults to add to the mix

This is shaping up to be the MN Christmas thread?

Ding dong!

Did everyone miss the bit where the op said he'd resisted making those comments?

I suspect that OP will only be tempted to trot out a snippy one liner if SIL appears to be trying to play nice.

That's the only time there could possibly be any joy in the situation!

Yes, cruel, yes, childish, yes, incredibly petty and mean.

However, if you have a poisonous SIL, such stuff can while away an amusing hour or so, relieve some of the tensions she causes and generally help those being put upon survive the poisonous visit.

It goes without saying that anyone who has such thoughts never puts them into practice. The poisonous one wouldn't poisonous if anyone actually said anything to them.

No wonder she doesn't want to spend her Christmas Day at your house! What happened to the season of goodwill?

Maybe it's not her that needs to suck a lemon?

Really don't like goady people. Always assume they have big personal issues

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas, everywheere you go...

It's a shame that we can't honestly state "I don't like you" and that's a reason as to why we shouldn't have to visit, even on Christmas Day.