Just read this in the paper today and thought of this thread.
"A socially responsible gift might seem the perfect antidote to the rampant consumerism of Christmas, but it could damage friendships academics have warned.
Although donating money to charity on behalf of a friend may seem like a thoughtful and altruistic act, in fact, the recipient is likely to view it as self-serving and inconsiderate.
Huge numbers of websites now cater for ‘gifts that give twice’ and organisations like Oxfam, Just Give and Shop With Meaning have helped popularise the practice.
“Socially responsible gifts clearly have the potential to reflect a virtuous identity for the giver. This may not be valued by recipients as much as givers think" Lisa Cavanaugh, University of Southern California
But although such gift choices are motivated by people’s desire to do good, they could be having unexpected consequences for friendships.
Academics at the University of Southern California tested the theory by asking 151 people to either make a £25 donation to charity on behalf of a friend, or send them a gourmet coffee hamper of the same value.
Both the giver and recipient were asked to rate the present in terms of overall appreciation, thoughtfulness, offensiveness and commitment to the friendship.
The results showed that givers often overestimated how appreciative a friend would be of the donation – particularly distant friends - and underestimated how offended they might be.
Recipients were up to 27 per cent less appreciative of socially responsible gifts than givers expected. And while givers expected thoughtfulness ratings of around 74 per cent, the true rating was closer to 48 per cent.
Personalised gifts are likely to be better received than donations
The researchers conclude that the ‘warm glow’ of responsible gifts is unlikely to be shared by the recipient unless they are particularly close friends.
^“Gifts that support a worthy cause, such as a charitable donation in the recipient’s name, have become increasingly popular, “ said lead author Dr Lisa Cavanaugh, of the University of Southern California writing in the journal of Organisational Behaviour and Human Decision Processes.
“Recipients generally enjoy the idea of these gifts which not only benefit others in need but also make individuals feel good about themselves.
“We show that gift givers mis-predict appreciation for socially responsible gifts.^
“Socially responsible gifts clearly have the potential to reflect a virtuous identity for the giver. This very quality, however, may not be valued by recipients as much as givers think.
“In such instances, a recipient may perceived a gift as saying more about the giver than about the giver’s commitment to the relationship, causing perceived relationship commitment to suffer.”
The authors say well-chosen gifts should make the recipient feel ‘singular , extraordinary, and special’ and givers would do better if they put themselves in the shoes of their friend"
It seems your DSis is not alone, though clearly she has overreacted.