DH thinks im stingy re kids gifts. im hurt.

[SeasonalVag]

I excitedly showed my husband what I've bought our kids last night and he called me stingy. I was really annoyed and hurt as I think I've got enough, and they're nice presents too! I genuinely think he's being an arse.

My five year old is getting a Child's tablet, which I reluctantly bought but know will help with literacy etc. I think this is a massive present?

Roald dahl boxed collection which I KNOW he'll love, plus the usual Lego, annuals, dvds, stationery set, and a chocolate coin maker which he's been nagging me for ages. (Plus a ck jumper from tkmaxx which I love).

DH reckons he got sacks of stuff, but we didn't gets loads although my parents had the money, they just were sensible. I asked for a pair of trainers and more perfume, I don't need or want anything more.

I've told him I'm not buying any more and if he wants to go racing around toysrus or whatever, that's his problem.

So...am I a tightarse?

What happened last year then OP? Did your ds get lots more presents?

I do think it is quality that is the most important thing (I don't mean manufacturing quality, I mean the value to the person receiving the things) and not quantity.

There are countless times I've bought my children things I didn't know if they'd like or not and often they don't particularly - the things they really want are the ones they are pleased with. Even if it means no surprises.

Ds2 was set on a hideous pink plastic motorcycle one year when he was about two. Every time we went in Toys R us, he had to ride it.

I couldn't bring myself to get it for him as it was such a piece of overpriced crap (about £30) and I got him a different thing instead, which seemed better value and better all round and I thought he would like...he ignored it completely...I learned my lesson that year. Poor ds!

So if you have covered what your child actually wants, there's really no need to go overboard and get a load of other stuff.

There's plenty there.

DH and I plan/ buy together. We aim for 3-4 decent presents as they get plenty from family and close friends too. DS (5) has his birthday within a week of Christmas, so that moderates the quantity as we don't want it to be overwhelming. We also don't want DS2 to feel like he's getting substantially less across the festive season. They get other things as the need arises through the year.

This week is too late to criticise, and I don't see the point in fillers for the sake of it.

Pipistrella you have hit the nail bang on the head with that post. I concur entirely!

I too have bought my kids gifts that I think have more longevity and are better value for money, only to have them ignored. Also extras I think they might like - they generally didn't. Not that they were unappreciative at all - the stuff just didn't get played with.

The giant pile of presents is for the adults' benefit. It satisfies what the parent wants for their child. Kids actually aren't that bothered about a mountain of junk they didn't ask for. True fact.

I'd be interested to know what he comes back home with. As far as I'm concerned the toy shops are full of TV/Movie affiliated, poorly manufactured, pointless shite.

Pip/Pictish

Exactly this!

A few things they will adore and cherish or a van full of tat they couldn't care less about, I know which sounds better to me.

I agree with quality being the important thing.

My 10 year old desperately wants a cheap add on to a game. That will make him extremely happy. Possibly more than the main gift I have for him.

seasonal please come back to tell us what he gets

So your 5 year old is getting

• tablet
• Roald dahl boxed collection
• Lego
• annuals
• dvds
• stationery set
• chocolate coin maker
• ck jumper

That sounds like a lot! And the kid will get other presents from extended family, right? Too much stuff and the kid will be overwhelmed and won't spree curate it.

YANBU.

Lol 'spree curate' should be 'appreciate' but the auto correct version works too.

Ok, well agree with others that amount wise it's plenty, and certainly would think costwise it is not 'stingy', I won't comment further on the late nature of your dh's involvement, as he's already been put to rights.

I will say though that there isn't very much to actually play with on that list other than the Lego. Coin maker is five minute novelty item I would imagine and at 5 you're not going to want him to spend too long each day on the tablet.

I think a tablet is a great present but at that age I would want and expect my child to be mainly interested in toys, and if you spend out on a tablet that precludes buying 2 or 3 (good quality)toys. So maybe your Dh was thinking in terms of toys?

My ds's main present is Lego but he's also got a couple of other things he can play with straight out of the box, that he doesn't have to wait for someone to do with him, or involve him on a screen, because he's so young and we want Christmas to be about toys for a bit longer. Not overwhelmingly so, buy still the main feature. Just another perspective, there's no right or wrong way to do it but it seems your idea of how it should be differs from his.

Your selection sounds great I was expecting your "stingy" list to be 1 wooden toy plus satsuma.

Well, my husband came back with...drum roll...a packet of toy cars, plastecine and paints?!

But then he made me promise not go to inside the boot of his car as its full of gifts for me, so I'll shut up now!

Satsuki, the tablet will be strictly monitored... He only uses ours on very long journeys or if we're eating out. Plus we have a house full of rellies so he won't get a chance to sit on it all day!

I don't think you're a tightarse and I don't think your DH needed to add to the list you've already mentioned. That said, my two would always love toy cars, plasticine and paints so at least he's got something your DS will get some mileage out of!

Ours are getting one large lego set and one box set of books from us this year. Santa is bringing them both a MTG:Deckbuilders kit, a pack of dice, a travel card game, some chocolate and a small wooden puzzle. Your DH would think we're even stingier.

I also used to get sackloads for Christmas (my "stocking" was half a pair of my mother's tights and it was taller than I was some years, my father was a master at putting all the presents in!) - but it was books, pens, CDs, clothes that I would have needed anyway, the odd chocolate bar etc as well as treats. My parents went all out for Christmas, but then I didn't get things during the year. DH used to get one or two presents at Christmas (and not a lot during the year either) so our first one with children was enlightening for both of us. We now get them more than he thinks they should have, less than I think they should have and I suspect we get it about right.

I think your list of presents sounds great and he hasn't greatly added to it!

He's in no position to complain when he had no idea what his child was getting until 22 December!

Tell him presents limited to toy cars, plasticine and paint are a bit stingy.

As a kid, we never got new toys & stuff through the year, my parents however went overboard at Christmas and my memories of Christmas are wonderful - coming downstairs to that huge pile of presents! It was so wonderful that I try and recreate that for my kids. They get a budget of £250 each, and I don't buy anything full price. You can get a lot of toys for £250 when you get them all half price, so my 7 year old has a huge pile! My teenagers also have a pile of about 15 things each, even though that includes an ipod touch (also bought in the sales). The snobbery in here for anyone who spoils their children this one day of the year is horrible :(

Cars, Plasticine and paint are fairly sensible minor add-ons. I bet he got to the toy shop, looked around and thought 'what a load of worthless tat' and changed his mind.

tbh it did sound like he was just being stroppy and awkward to try and make a point, and make you feel bad.

And what he's actually come up with is a bit pathetic.

So he hasn't really added anything much - he just wanted to cause a scene?

This is very typical with some people. They just have to try and make a point wherever they can, to criticise you for any tenuous reason they can think of, but they aren't really prepared to change anything, it's just 'point scoring'.

This is a bit worrying as it is usually in a broader context of parental competition, ie, he's trying to make out he's a better parent than you and that you have no idea, and thus make himself feel more important.

I'm not saying this is definitely what's happening but I've been in your situation and in my case, it was indicative of a controlling man who was simply there to argue, to try and come between me and my child (ds wasn't his) and to 'right past wrongs' from his own childhood...he had some very deep seated issues. He would 'intervene' with various things - basically anything I did was up for debate. Discipline, bed times, the whole lot. And when I sometimes said, Ok, what's your solution then? He would come up with nothing at all.

You know your husband best. This behaviour to me would be a red flag, but your H might otherwise be supportive and reasonable and it's possibly/probably just an aberration. I think you should talk it through though.

This is my first year of not buying piles of plastic crap for DD and despite knowing it will look like nothing in comparison to previous years I know she will be more than happy with her lot. All she wanted this year was games for her Xbox so apart from a few books and stocking fillers that's what she's got. I'm actually feeling pretty good about it, it's a relief not to have to worry about where all the plastic crap is going to live and I know the games will get used for the whole year (and beyond probably) rather than discarded or broken within weeks. There are definitely some advantages to her growing up

I have a 6 and an 8 year old-have spent £130 each plus some tubes of sweets/chocs. I feel a bit uncomfortable going over the £100 mark and if looks too much when I lay it out on xmas eve, I'll keep a couple back for birthdays x

I suspect OP's DH needed an excuse to go out shopping for her gifts, so came up with that, rather clumsy, one.

Oooh maybe - but he blew it by telling her not to look in the boot.

Yes OP I assumed tablet time would be restricted so that's what I meant when I said taking the tablet out there wasn't much there to actually play with straight from the box. Obviously you don't want to spend much more having bought the tablet, but a few toy cars and some crafty bits seems like an ok idea. I think he went about it the wrong way, but I get the idea of bulking it out slightly given your son's age.