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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH thinks im stingy re kids gifts. im hurt.

140 replies

SeasonalVag · 22/12/2015 08:47

I excitedly showed my husband what I've bought our kids last night and he called me stingy. I was really annoyed and hurt as I think I've got enough, and they're nice presents too! I genuinely think he's being an arse.

My five year old is getting a Child's tablet, which I reluctantly bought but know will help with literacy etc. I think this is a massive present?

Roald dahl boxed collection which I KNOW he'll love, plus the usual Lego, annuals, dvds, stationery set, and a chocolate coin maker which he's been nagging me for ages. (Plus a ck jumper from tkmaxx which I love).

DH reckons he got sacks of stuff, but we didn't gets loads although my parents had the money, they just were sensible. I asked for a pair of trainers and more perfume, I don't need or want anything more.

I've told him I'm not buying any more and if he wants to go racing around toysrus or whatever, that's his problem.

So...am I a tightarse?

OP posts:
NowBringUsSomeFuzzpiggyPudding · 22/12/2015 09:40

FWIW I go a bit overboard every year, and I do most of the shopping because (a) I have much more time since DH is working a gazillion hours a week, and (b) I LOVE Christmas shopping and collect ideas all year round for DCs and DSCs. DH mainly focuses on choosing presents for me :o

But anyway, although I think DH would get them less (and I'm sure the DCs would still be perfectly happy!) he would never criticise what I've chosen.

insan1tyscartching · 22/12/2015 09:44

Dh asked what I'd bought for the dc's stockings last night, couldn't tell him much because I don't remember tbh. If he commented on my being too stingy or too generous then he knows he'd be tasked with the job next year. I know he only asked because he asked dd1 to buy for mine and she spent a fortune Grin more fool him for giving dd1 no guidance or limits tbh. As it is there will be six stockings here full of little bits (bought by me) and then my heaving stocking.
I think your little one has a lovely selection of gifts and plenty for a five year old. I'd be doing the same as you and staying in front of the TV whilst your dh feels compelled to battle the crowds to spend on more unnecessary gifts.

InternalMonologue · 22/12/2015 09:47

I'm willing to bet that what he remembers seeing and what was actually there are different things. I remember seeing piles of presents when I was little, but when I actually think about it, it was bulky stuff and in the excitement of Christmas morning, being tiny myself and not getting toys throughout the year, it seemed like LOADS. And it was stuff from grandparents and uncles too.

What you've got sounds fine, if he's adding to it then fine, but it was a bit crap of him to complain about it on the 21st of bloody December.

AllMyBestFriendsAreMetalheads · 22/12/2015 09:49

Both DH and I received a lot of presents as a child, but don't get ours nearly as much as we received. We simply can't afford to, for a start.

I think it's a generational thing in some cases. Our parents generation tended to have a lot of disposable income, especially in comparison to their parents. So we received a lot more than they did as children.

It's come back round a bit, living costs are a higher proportion of income now so I think generally speaking, our generation buy less for our own children.

Personally, I remember the big piles of presents, but I don't remember what many of them actually were.

pictish · 22/12/2015 09:50

My kids get more on their birthday than at Christmas too. We have three kids so to avoid financial stress and debt, we make the birthday the focus. One of mine has a birthday on 20th December too, which compounds that approach. The funds are not limitless.

I would hate to still be paying for tat months (years?) later that had long since made its way to landfill, having been largely been ignored in the first place. All for a moment of visual gluttony. It's so irrational.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 22/12/2015 09:52

"Sacks of stuff" that may have been his perception, it doesn't mean he relished every item, and if he did then was his love for his parents quadrupled? I think what you have sounds ample and as he's only just off to do his share I think he was out of order.

We're buying gifts for our children not buying their love; away from this thread on a different tack, wish people who can't afford it wouldn't fret about blowing the budget on excessive festive spending.

mizu · 22/12/2015 09:59

FarterChristmoose - mine too, 5 presents and a stocking. They get stuff off other family members so plenty. Don't want to get into debt and we don't have much room either Xmas Grin

KoalaDownUnder · 22/12/2015 10:03

Wow, that sounds like heaps!

We never got that much, and yet we were very happy with what we got (and we knew we were loved).

Chattymummyhere · 22/12/2015 10:10

I think it's down to each person, my two have about 20-25 presents each from us plus family and friend presents. A lot of ours is Lego as they have both gone Lego mad this year with DD's others being dolly things and ds's being skylanders and Lego dimensions.

I personally couldn't thinking of doing 5 presents each, however I'm sure that will change when they start asking for laptops/iPhones etc.

If he wants to buy more and you have the spare cash let him, you might also find that his just used it as an excuse to go shopping for them as he hadn't had any input.

tictactoad · 22/12/2015 10:12

If dh ever criticised the presents I've researched, bought and wrapped in any way shape or form the job would be his from then on and he knows it.

Wisely, he smiles and nods Grin

LatinForTelly · 22/12/2015 10:16

I think that's a perfect amount, OP, and really very generous. Most of it just goes unplayed with, if it's not want they want.

InternationalHouseofToast · 22/12/2015 10:22

I'm also sticking to the "something you want..." poem. DS(6) asked how many presents he could expect from Santa so I told him 4, and that rhyme, and anything on top of that is a bonus because he's been good.

I work FT so DH has done most of our shopping but I've bought DS a few things from Amazon in my lunchbreak or called into a supermarket on my way home. I also bought some Wilkinson's £1 stuff and stuff from charity shops to make his stocking, so it's mainly DH did big presents, I did his stocking. Maybe your DH could do his stocking this time?

DisappointedOne · 22/12/2015 10:25

My 5 year old's presents all fit into a stocking and cost less than £40. Our winter festival isn't about going OTT with gifts.

She doesn't get much from family (nothing from DH's side) but gets stuff through the year so isn't being deprived. Your DH IBU.

BooOzMoo · 22/12/2015 10:25

We I buy far too much at Christmas. I spend all year squirrelling things away that are classics and that Ive bought in the sale.
Our kids don't get anything in the year other than on birthdays so it lovely to spoil them. We don't buy anything we can't afford and don't do credit or credit cards at all!!!
The presents we buy are to last the year. They may get extra books throughout the year but these are necessities.

BooOzMoo · 22/12/2015 10:30

I do buy the kids an outfit for Christmas Day and Boxing Day and new Pj's and slippers too! These don't count as a present !

eastwest · 22/12/2015 10:30

Say what? If he doesn't like it he can do the shopping!
Sometimes I think the main value of MN for me is to make me grateful for my own highly imperfect DH.

Tamponlady · 22/12/2015 10:30

My dh is trying this trying to buy a c box on top of the gifts he already has even though I tried to explain to dh I am not being tight as his birthday is in two weeks

Tbh I think my son has done quite well I think this may be a man thing for them is about quantity not quality

29redshoes · 22/12/2015 10:34

I'm genuinely amazed that he considers those presents 'stingy'! If anything I'd say that was on the generous side. What on earth is he going to buy them in addition to what you've already bought?

wheelofapps · 22/12/2015 10:37

That's more than my kids got at that age and probably more (£ wise) than they will get now.

It is NOT stingy.

Ginkypig · 22/12/2015 10:38

My 2 dsc although they are not young anymore are getting 8 each from me this year, some years it been 5/6

They break down to one decent thing that I know they want and then mostly little things like a cool mug each and a toblerone ect
then my dp (their dad) has got the same amount again one "big thing" then little things and we wrap them ourselves but put both our names on the tags.

So thats a long way of saying they each have got 2 big presents each and the rest are little things but it looks like a lot

Iv never done or had a stocking but if I'm right what I call little things are the things most people would put together for stockings.

Am I right about the stockings?

cardibach · 22/12/2015 10:39

Chatty when you say 20-25 presents, what exactly does that mean? Does it include small presents (that I'd put in a stocking but I appreciate others do the 'stocking' thing differently)? Don't you go by a budget rather than a number of presents?
I think there may be some confusion about presents - I'd say DD now has 2 or 3 (she's 19, but it would never be more than about 5) but she has her stocking which has at least 20 small wrapped gifts (e.g. Make up remover, highlighters, chocolate, alcohol miniatures).

Ginkypig · 22/12/2015 10:40

Oh and by the way I think that's a great present pile op!

GarlicCake · 22/12/2015 10:47

Show him this Xmas Smile

Flangeshrub · 22/12/2015 10:47

To be fair on your DH how you were raised is so deeply ingrained that it is hard, even when you know what is right intellectually, morally and financially to go against those traditions!

My parents were poor and bought us almost nothing all year round but they both gave us sack loads at Christmas. It was absolutely magical. I adored Christmas and still do. I would cry with happiness as a child, always getting so many things I never dreamed possible.

I now buy repulsive amounts for my DC. Every year I start with good intentions but I feel nauseous unless I get them LOADS.
I am the muppet whose obscene Facebook photos of presents give rise to a thousand MN posts.

I'm just saying it's hard when you want your kids to feel how you felt as a child.

Of course the lazy bugger should do it himself if he's that bothered.

BiddyPop · 22/12/2015 10:47

If there were "sacks of stuff", I wonder how much of it was "things you need" - clothes, toiletries, stationary etc, to fill out the space?

DH and I both work FT, both have some international travel obligations (mine are minor but DH is away almost every week for a day or 2, nowadays only up to the work-week itself max and not weekends too). DFIL went from healthy to hospitalized to dead in 5 weeks this autumn, rapidly followed by a DAunt of DHs (and we live 2.5 hrs away from the family), so it's been hectic. I've had some more time at home, but DH has spent 2 weekends at home (1 arriving home at midnight from a trip, and the other arriving home late at night after a week down "home") since the middle of September. He didn't even get last weekend at home.

But while I generally sort the stocking bits, DH has bought the main item, and the bits to go with it. He bought DD's birthday present (Boxing Day), and also half the present to go under the tree from us. He took her off to buy DD's present to me, and he has helped with ideas, and some (small this year but actual) purchasing for the wider family list.

Just because you work FT, absolutely does not mean you cannot get involved. Lots of toy stores and department stores are open late at least once a week, and many all week long, and ESPECIALLY so in December!!