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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH thinks im stingy re kids gifts. im hurt.

140 replies

SeasonalVag · 22/12/2015 08:47

I excitedly showed my husband what I've bought our kids last night and he called me stingy. I was really annoyed and hurt as I think I've got enough, and they're nice presents too! I genuinely think he's being an arse.

My five year old is getting a Child's tablet, which I reluctantly bought but know will help with literacy etc. I think this is a massive present?

Roald dahl boxed collection which I KNOW he'll love, plus the usual Lego, annuals, dvds, stationery set, and a chocolate coin maker which he's been nagging me for ages. (Plus a ck jumper from tkmaxx which I love).

DH reckons he got sacks of stuff, but we didn't gets loads although my parents had the money, they just were sensible. I asked for a pair of trainers and more perfume, I don't need or want anything more.

I've told him I'm not buying any more and if he wants to go racing around toysrus or whatever, that's his problem.

So...am I a tightarse?

OP posts:
FortyFacedFuckers · 22/12/2015 09:05

Has he been fine with what DS has had for the last 5 years?
I think it depends what you were used to as a kid I had massive piles of stuff and in turn I have done that for ds even although I have been flamed for it on here before.

merrymouse · 22/12/2015 09:07

I would be including the first half hour of Harry Potter, the Dursley scenes, in our family Christmas viewing.

carrie74 · 22/12/2015 09:08

I was about to comment like Orda1. There's the pile from us, then FC, and then it more than doubles with the gifts from family and friends. They don't know what to do with it all! In fact, when they were younger, I used to restrict how many birthday presents they could open at one time. We had a rule of opening 1, playing with it, and only then opening the next one. Would love to do that at Xmas too (as there are always gifts that never get played with/used).

Original poster
SeasonalVag · 22/12/2015 09:08

We're both by nature, cautious with money etc, he just loves spoiling his kids and he's generous on gifts.

I have gone way overboard on buying and making food etc though, so, I guess we have our own weaknesses.

OP posts:
BiddyPop · 22/12/2015 09:09

UterusUterus, that poem is what my parents used to quote at us when we were small and what I still go by now...that said, I am the "older than dinosaurs" eldest lemon of my siblings who refuses to even look at arsebook (I used to be accused of listening to Radio 1 about 20 years ago - which is the equivalent of BBC Radio 4 but slightly lower brow here in Ireland - the current affairs and "boring grown up" channel).

DancingDuck · 22/12/2015 09:12

Blimey. Age 5 our DCs main present would have been the chocolate maker! We were pretty stingy when they were small as they didn't care. Now they are teens they get a lot more because there are expensive things they badly want. I prefer spending the money when it's appreciated. You are so far from stingy. But you could get a little stocking of poundstore stuff too. Is your DH not remembering all his presents, from all relatives?

Geraniumred · 22/12/2015 09:12

Maybe he is recalling his own childhood where he got inundated with stuff? And wanting to replicate that for his own children? He was very rude though. I get all the presents for our dd, but in consultation with DH. You are not tight but you sound as though you have different standards for gift buying.

MincePiesTasteBetterHot · 22/12/2015 09:12

Someone who has had no input into buying any of the presents doesn't have the right to charge in at the last minute kicking up a fuss.

If this was something that was important to him, he should have discussed it with you earlier!

Out of interest, what has happened in previous years? Have you bought more previously? If not, then he should know by this time the sort of amount that is the "normal" level for your family, but if you have previously bought loads more, then maybe you should have discussed it with him.

I buy a similar amount each year, so if I massively changed it either up or down, DH would probably be a bit taken aback. Though I don't think he would ever call me stingy, and I'd be hurt if he did - I think your DH was definitely being an arse on that point.

lionheart · 22/12/2015 09:14

You've done it all and he sits in judgement?

You pressies sound lovely.

Borninthe60s · 22/12/2015 09:15

So what's he bought them?

Jesabel · 22/12/2015 09:16

My 5yo has a playmobil set, a scooter, a book, some stationary, and a new outfit. He'll get some other small things from relatives but essentially that is it, plus chocolate.

AutumnLeavesArePretty · 22/12/2015 09:18

It's common to have varying views on Christmas present amounts, you only have to look on here for that to see it ranges from one gift to one hundred.

Let him have some fun choosing if he's gone shopping, it sounds like you picked everything if you had to show him and as their dad he wants his input on things/quantity. Clothes, stationery and books are bought outside of Christmas here as are essentials so that would leave three gifts out of your list.

We agree on the large main gift and the both shop. We have different ideas and both like to enjoy buying. I'd not be happy if DH did it all with no input from me.

Lweji · 22/12/2015 09:18

Next year he'll be in charge of the presents. Result.

NowBringUsSomeFuzzpiggyPudding · 22/12/2015 09:19

Not RTFT but YANBU what you've got sounds fab. Lots of children will have less than that, lots of children will have more, it doesn't matter - you are happy with what you have got them!

Regardless, it is really Not On for him to not contribute to the shopping and then suddenly criticise it Hmm

nowirehangers · 22/12/2015 09:21

I'm shocked by this. That is tons more than I gave my dc aged 5. What does your dh consider not stingy?

PingpongDingDong · 22/12/2015 09:21

He is being ridiculous! That sounds like a lot to me and I'm sure your kids will love it! We don't go bonkers at Christmas. Dd has lots of nice presents but we don't spend a fortune. If you go over the top it's just overwhelming and hard for children to appreciate it all anyway.

LittleLionMansMummy · 22/12/2015 09:22

My 5yo has a light saber, paw patrol set of 3 figures, a taekwondo kick pad, hungry hippos and an electronic spider. What you've bought sounds like a lot to me, op. As others have said, perhaps your dh should have involved himself more in buying presents. Even my dh, who is generally pretty shocking with present buying, bought ds one of the main presents and a couple of stocking fillers!

pictish · 22/12/2015 09:25

In my honest opinion and experience, most toys are simply landfill fodder.

I hit Toys R Us last week with money to spend and an open mind, seeing if there were any interesting extras to add to the "something they want, something they need, something to wear & something to read" (love that btw - it's what I've always done) loot I'd already seen to.
I came away empty handed. I was just going to be spending for the sake of it. There was nothing that jumped out at me and said, "Oooh dc would love this and play with it lots! Buy it!"

January is also thanking me for the cash I didn't blow.

LizzieMacQueen · 22/12/2015 09:26

VintageDresses
every single year I've worried that I havn't bought enough and every year, on the day, I realise I should have done less

Yep. that's me too.

Snoopadoop · 22/12/2015 09:30

Me and DH have a similar problem because we experience Christmas as children very differently. DH's parents made very little fuss, he got about 5 presents a year. My parents made a lot of fuss with food, drink, chocolate and sweets and I got a lot of presents, to the extent you couldn't see the floor for them. We are trying to go somewhere in between but DH finds it all too extravagant whilst I'm sat there thinking we haven't or enough.

I don't think your DH is intentionally being mean, he just feels there's not enough there (as I often do). Tell him if he feels more is required to go out and get it himself.

MrsGideon · 22/12/2015 09:32

I don't really get this obsession with spoiling children rotten at Christmas, to be honest... The more you buy them, the more they'll just expect next year! When I was little I would get one or two 'big' presents (like a barbie playset or whatever) and then a few little bits in my stocking. My parents were very well off. I never felt like I'd gone without, and it meant that a) I cherished the things I did get, and b) I learned never to be greedy and ungrateful

Nataleejah · 22/12/2015 09:33

Whats stopping him to go and buy them what he wants to buy?

Firsteverchangeofname · 22/12/2015 09:35

Just because he works he can still shop.

FarterChristmoose · 22/12/2015 09:35

Mine get pyjamas and slippers christmas eve, then 5 presents each on Christmas day. One is a new outfit, one is their main present so Lego, sylvanian etc, one is crafty arty stuff, one is 3 books and one is a board game. Plus stockings . They'll get stuff off grandparents aunts and uncles too. We do it so they get more for their birthday than Christmas.

juliej75 · 22/12/2015 09:36

I'm another in the camp of thinking that too many presents is simply waste. Many younger kids (in my experience, although obviously this may be wrong as a generalisation) haven't the attention span to appreciate too many gifts and the landfill and debt implications bother me too.

I do think the presents you've chosen sound lovely and thoughtful and more than enough to keep a 5yr old occupied and happy, so please don't worry.

Your DH would've been horrified at me last night. I had an amazon delivery fail and was just telling customer services to re-order and get it sent out again pronto, when I suddenly decided that we could easily do without what were really just nice extras for my 5yr old. He won't miss them, money saved. All round result Wink