To not understand how people manage to make such a meal out of Christmas?

[BlueBananas]

All you hear this time of year is 'oh I haven't got the potatoes peeled yet' 'I haven't cleaned the windows' 'I haven't hoovered the roof' type moans
Am I the only one that just doesn't get it?

I love Christmas, it's a huge thing in our family it really is, but it takes a couple of hours to cook a meal and why exactly are you all cleaning like mad people? I get that if you have guests then you clean yes, but only normal amounts of cleaning, why do people have to bleach all of their silverware and clean out cupboards? Why? Will Santa not come otherwise? And surely it's only clean for about 15 seconds until all the presents have been opened/chocolate eaten/guests descend? Then it looks like you never bothered, so why bother?

I'm starting to see that our Christmases are so lovely and relaxed and happy and I'm so glad

AIBU to think that everybody just needs to calm down a little bit?

It is my motivation to clean as well, even though we only ever have ds1 and ds2 and their gfs staying over.

I think it's good to have a clear out too, so that things can be put away easier after xmas. Being up to date with laundry is important for me as we have loads all at once when dd comes home.

It's not Christmas itself that makes the work but what actually happens iyswim

It's a waste of time getting stressed though, just do little and often is my motto.

Of course tinseleverywhere

I'm with you OP - but I'm a lousy housekeeper at the best of times!

I'll clean the loos, give PIL clean sheets and whip a Hoover around downstairs. I make the cranberry sauce in advance, probably the mince pies (although assembling mince pies is more accurate!) but other than that it all takes place on Christmas morning while others are washing, dressing, eating chocolate and blobbing.

But after lunch I shall be doing the blobbing whilst DH clears up

I'm in the 'Sunday lunch with a cracker' brigade - it's no more stress than any other big dinner/family gathering all through the year, and tbh if it was, then I'd feel hard done by the rest if the time!

It's nice to see family, but it's not the only time I see them/have dinner with them/buy them a pressie (whether it's a birthday or just because!)

We generally entertain 4 or 5 times over the holiday, plus staying guests for 2 or 3 nights over Christmas itself, so have little time for shopping: hence the ridiculous amount of food in the house at the moment.

This year more than ever I am flapping...working up until 23rd, not bought all the presents yet (bonkers) and for domestic reasons involving the infrastructure of the house we haven't done any laundry for two weeks so yes, I am feeling the 'drama out of a crisis' feeling...but it will come together..we will have those we love around us and all will be well. Just let me stress and achieve for a couple more days before acceptance hits me!

Zoe Williams nails it in the guardian www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/dec/21/christmas-martyred-middle-aged-women

It all depends. I love and adore Christmas but am lucky that we only have the ILs here and staying and although they do nothing (too old and infirm) they are hugely grateful for everything that we do. So they stay for 7 days or so and they do expect three hot meals a day and the big meal is lunch and that alone has to be 3 courses, every day. So there is a fair amount of effort, even so for me. Other than that, it is pretty okay. House hopefully clean (but the dishwasher has fallen apart just this weekend and we have one on order coming Christmas eve).

But when I was growing up, my DM had alot of expectation on her for Christmas. All the old family troubles and resentments, and old troubled relationships were played out at Christmas time so she was mainly stressed trying to limit the things she could be criticised for. That meant having the house spotless,... having loads of food shopped for etc. It was damage limitation and crisis control.

Lots of people go through that sort of thing.

We don't ever have a roast so the 'it's just Sunday lunch' thing only applies to those people who apparently do roast dinners every Sunday.

Sunday lunch also doesn't usually involve wrapping and giving a million presents, cards, decorations, an endless round of relatives and visits and other stuff which involves extra work on top of the usual.

Well Christmas is not just about the meal is it? it's about the parties, the gatherings, the Church services, the hosting, the rituals and the traditions.

Stuff like buying your tree and decorating it with all the usual bits from your attic, putting up your not very tasteful outside lights. Making a gingerbread house with your son and a Christmas wreath with your daughter and being very pleased that your eldest has taken over doing the Christmas cake. And making loads of homemade goodies for the whole season. And making sure your visitors will have a nice stay. And thinking of the people like my widowed Mum and DP's widowed Dad and my single parents sister and his single gay brother who don't have a special person to buy them something nice and thoughtful and a bit special, so trying to fill that gap.

And hopefully the big pay off is that by the 23rd or so, everything is sorted and you can just relax and go with the flow for the next week.

We don't ever have a roast so the 'it's just Sunday lunch' thing only applies to those people who apparently do roast dinners every Sunday.

Well, I don't do roast on Sundays. And so I'm not doing roast for christmas. It's that simple. We'll be having chicken curry.

Sunday lunch also doesn't usually involve wrapping and giving a million presents, cards, decorations, an endless round of relatives and visits and other stuff which involves extra work on top of the usual.
Presents all under the tree. I don't give christmas cards except in reply to those who give them. It's what you make of it. It's a nice time off for me from work. We'll be having some days out, going to see the pantomine etc. For example, we went to Peppa Pig World yesterday to see Santa. I'm not going to be a matyr and clean house and wrap presents and make food.

I've often wondered about this. I am very much in the 'Sunday dinner with a cracker' camp and don't even bother with crackers unless we are hosting.

I buy very few presents, let DP deal with his side of the family (or not), send v few cards, buy little in the way of extra food, sometimes have a tree but not always - basically just do what I can be arsed to do.

Christmas for me is about having a few days off work, seeing family, maybe go out for a walk/bike ride, slob infront of the TV watching films and have a bit of extra nice food/booze compared to normal. I don't see the need for massive piles of presents, stocking up on food, most of which will get thrown away, massive deep cleans etc, so none of this happens in our house.

If you want all that, fine, if you don't, don't bother. But maybe it isn't fair to expect people who want a modest Christmas to participate equally in the amount of work and expense necessary in order to have a massive one?

Things I wouldn't buy if it was 'Sunday lunch with a cracker'

Crackers(!)
Cider for mil
Budweiser for FIL
Wine for the table
Chestnuts, apricots, cranberries, sausagemeat for 'special' stuffing
Turkey for PILs and beef for us
Pigs in blankets
Fishy Starters
Christmas pudding, brandy butter, cream
Cheeseboard and port

Other stuff - 'picky things' like sausage rolls, nuts, crisps, sweets for snacking.

Boxing Day food (because am I fuck going to the shops on boxing day)
Extra milk
Extra booze
Extra painkillers!

Then I will have to go to the shops as its our 'turn' to host a Christmas get-together for friends, so party food and drink to buy and cook.

Other things I wouldn't do:

Invite PILs to stay for a week
Make up a bedroom downstairs
Deep clean DDs playroom to make a bedroom
Kit out the downstairs bathroom with mobility aids
Set up a tv and seating in new downstairs bedroom
Order and install oxygen machines

So yeah, I'm mildly stressed, but mainly because 30 minutes ago PILs direct train was cancelled and now they have 3 changes to make - 2 old dears in wheelchairs (one with oxygen) with my poor SIL and her mate bringing them. DH is in a tizz and now driving to a different station to get them.

If one single person tells me to calm down or not moan I won't be responsible for my actions.

Your approach sounds so sensible, Head.

Oh,.... and my secret trick..... ILs expect turkey, but I cannot cook turkey without it turning into something stringy, dry and hideous. So I order a 10 pound chicken from the butcher. Not sure why, but it is easier to handle and understand (I cook roast chicken weekly throughout the year). Every year we pretend it is a small turkey. And every year the ILs comment how lovely and tender it is.

I don't get it either! I usually have around 10+ for xmas... it's just a roast with extras, and I genuinely don't see the need to have (let alone make) a million different puddings etc etc. We buy nice extras..cheeses and snacks etc, and a load of stollen as we like it and everyone just helps out and tucks in. No drama. Life's too short to stress about it!

I do like a pre guest house blitz though... not to the extent of scrubbing the skirting boards, but an all round decent clean (as I tend not to dust upstairs very often!) make sure there is clean bedding and fresh towels all around.
And then my guests arrive and mess it all up :)

I'm defo not cleaning any windows!!

Life is very hectic at the moment for me, more so than usual. So I have somewhat let go my standards around Christmas, and don't have people coming for dinner. But I WAS just informed this morning that a DSis intends staying for a few nights when we get back home. I had already blitzed the guest room 10 days ago (in the expectation of MIL staying the weekend - but she didn't and DH and DD had to go to her instead - its complicated and somewhat understandable, if annoying). So I only need to pull out the 2nd bed (underneath the 1st bed) and put clean sheets on that, and lay out a second lot of towels.

Housecleaning has taken a back seat due to other things, so I finally mopped the kitchen yesterday - it needed a proper deep cleaning mopping due to weeks of "spit and polish" jobs. And there is a BIG pile of clutter at one end of the dining table that I need to sort through - but it needs some time as I've already taken out the old newspapers and the rest is important things that need attention and proper putting away.

I did manage to keep the bathrooms clean, and occasionally change sheets and towels. My aim this week is to make sure the laundry basket is practically empty of dirty clothes and all clean ones are folded and put away. And to pack for travelling.

We have a tree up, which looks nice. I left half the decorations in boxes and put them away again. The presents are almost all bought (a few still to get but none needed on Christmas Day, all not yet bought are for gatherings afterwards), and wrapped. I still have cards to write tonight and send tomorrow. I even managed to remember to contribute to the class collection for teacher, and buy a voucher for the afterschool club. Wrote a nice card to afterschool club minders, and will do teacher and resource teacher tonight (school break up is tomorrow).

I have decluttered my dressing table - because it was covered in stuff, and dust, I couldn't find anything, paperwork was missing, I couldn't do makeup, and my washbags thrown around were all mixed and needed sorting (I normally have a BIG washbag with full makeup, bath stuff etc; and a little one with just overnight essentials - but had gained an extra 2 with bits scattered across them all from multiple last minute trips).

I will do veg on Christmas Eve, as normal for me (although for DSILs dinner). DSis is making DD's birthday cake (for Boxing Day) so I don't have to get that in M&S on Christmas Eve. And I have a nice handful of amaretti biscuits for me and tasty broad bean snacks for DH in. Although I would like to buy him a nice Christmas beer (he likes a few this time of year, to enjoy slowly with a movie).

And while I am travelling this year, I normally only go out and buy the turkey a day or 2 ahead, not generally ordered and usually find a nice one. The shops won't run out of food. There are times its not manic to shop. And they will open again on 26th or 27th.

I really don't get all the panicking. People shop like the supermarkets are closed for weeks when they're barely shut for 36 hours.

I get people don't want to shop on Boxing Day but who gets through 12+ pints of milk in 48 hours?! Surely you just do a regular shop + whatever you need for Christmas dinner? I've seen so many families wander around the shops with two trollies absolutely laden with food.

I really wonder how much of it gets thrown away a few days later.

I've done bugger-all preparation, really. It took me half an hour to do the food/booze shop online, another hour or so putting up the tree/decorations and that's it, really. I don't really plan on doing anything else either, as DP is doing all the cooking

Cheesy, that is the kind of approach I just don't understand. Why should you have to pretend you've cooked one thing when you've cooked another? Why should guests you're cooking for get to dictate? They can expect away, as Bernard Black would say.

I'd just tell them. They couldn't possibly complain about it after they've happily stuffed themselves with it. Well, at least if anyone did that to me they'd get short shrift.

hallulujah ....OP i am with you....thread yesterday with posters fretting they had done their food shopping and would it all keep and could they go to supermarket again etc etc....the replies baffled me...why does it have to be such a performance ?
I work 6 days a week and 3 of these away from home, i hav 2dd and 2dsd, i have cooked christmas dinner for 10 already in last 2 weeks and got 24 on christmas day, it is no great sweat...and yes i make my own crackers....

Oh,.... and my secret trick..... ILs expect turkey, but I cannot cook turkey without it turning into something stringy, dry and hideous. So I order a 10 pound chicken from the butcher.

Good on you.

My attitude is that MIL can expect all she wants. I'm cooking so we are having chicken curry. I like curries. DH likes curries. That's good enough for my book.

OK, I do do the big clean & de-clutter before Christmas. My reasons are:

1. I have a fairly small house with 5 of us living in it. And I hate clutter. I have to make everywhere as tidy & de-cluttered as possible before the Christmas decorations & tree go up or the place would look way too crowded and depress me (I have suffered with depression on and off over the years & having a messy disorganised home definitely makes me feel worse).

1. We usually have guests at some point over Christmas or New Year. Not to sleep over, just for a visit, but I want my home to look at it's best whilst people are here. We do keep a relatively clean & tidy house throughout the year but rarely have time for a big clean or sort out, so the larger jobs do need doing at some point.

I think the bottom line is that I like everyone to feel happy & be able to rest at Christmas itself. DH & I, personally, feel happier in a clean house and getting the place thoroughly clean before Christmas means that minimal jobs need doing over Christmas week itself, so we have more time to just sit & relax drink wine and stuff chocolate.

I don't do cleaning on Christmas Eve though, like some people I know. My "spring clean" is pretty much done now. Just daily jobs still to do like mop the kitchen floor (when I say daily, it won't be done between Christmas Eve & 27th).

I'm not sure why anyone cares in what way others like to prepare their homes for Christmas. I don't care if people don't clean.

Only because they are pretty old, have health issues (dementia plus others) and wax lyrical about the Christmases of yesteryear. So I do something I can handle which approximates what they love and are nostalgic for. For a few years i tried with turkey and it it was a stress and a chore and sent me around the bend...... my second year of hosting had me weeping on the kitchen floor at 5 am... that is just ridiculous! Now I do chicken and it is easy peasy for me, and maintains an illusion. Christmas is often about illusions!

We have a really nice little Christmas programme that just works for us really well. It took a good 5 years to work it out though!

Can't think which us worse, the "martyrs" or the smug gits

Yes, I especially don't get the drumroll Christmas Food Shop.

It's just a food shop. I still go to Lidl for most of it, I still buy the regular things that we eat, and chuck in some nicer cheeses, a couple more bottles of plonk, some quality street, mince pies and a box of crackers. Maybe a couple more items of convenience (ready made lasagne etc) for cosy, can't be arsed days in.

I don't get the need to buy bloody banquets for every day or 563 different types of snack and cracker and chocolate.