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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To chuck baby in the river (lighthearted)

139 replies

FairyFluffbum · 21/12/2015 07:53

It's a sad state of affairs I have to put lighthearted in the title but there we go.

I have been up an hour with 9 month old baby...he has not stopped crying for an hour. I've given him his bottle, attempted to give him his porridge(it's now been thrown), I've picked him up, I've put him down, I've shushed him...he's still crying!!

Surely the only thing to do now is to chuck in the river and get a new one right??

OP posts:
AgentCandid · 21/12/2015 09:17

I'll do an exchange. I've got this year's model, chirpy as anything right now but the sleep module is broken and it needs refuelling every 20 minutes overnight. The milk gauge must have gone, and I can't find the reset button.

AgentCandid · 21/12/2015 09:19

I'm going for exchange rather than return. As helenluvsrob says, the return route doesn't appeal.

DeoGratias · 21/12/2015 09:22

This iss why you'd find it much easier back at full time work. Worked for me - you get treated like a God in the office with loads of thanks and come home to bathed happy children the youngest of which just needs a breastfeed and cuddles.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 21/12/2015 09:25

My teen is horizontal on an ipad - pops head out for a recharge .... im keeping it!!

Original poster
FairyFluffbum · 21/12/2015 09:25

Probably doesn't help I didn't sleep too well. After trying for half an hour to "get me in the mood" despite me saying I wasn't my dh sulked for the rest of the night because I hadn't dtd. He then felt me up nearly all night which I know he will feign total innocence on and blame sleep dreaming. Don't get me wrong he does it in his sleep sometimes but last night just felt a bit too convenient.

OP posts:
BlueJug · 21/12/2015 09:26

I do remember those years. Whatever I did made it worse. I used to wear DD strapped to me for a lot of the time or have her permanently wedged on my hip. She seemed to have built in altimeter and would scream if I ut her down

I am struggling with teens at the moment but both are asleep now and I shared a lovely chat with DD over midnight tea and toast when she got in from her evening out yesterday.

You have my sympathy. (By the way: - basket- river - bulrushes?? You wouldn't be the first and it sometimes works out ok).

ChristmasBeary · 21/12/2015 09:30

Get them ready, pop out to the supermarket and 'accidentally' leave them there. The staff will take of them and because neither of them will know their home address it'll take hours to track you down. You could use that free time to change the locks so they can't get back in.

Littleredhouse · 21/12/2015 09:32

I sometimes wish I had a nice big glass cloche to go over the top of my 9 month old. Ah, blissful silence!

bigbuttons · 21/12/2015 09:35

Bloody hell Op no one has had a go at your yet. Are all the great miseries of MN out doing their christmas shopping or something?

mudandmayhem01 · 21/12/2015 09:35

If he is going in a river, make sure he is in a nice little basket so he has a chance of growing up to be either a old testament prophet or more excitingly raised by wolves and baloo.

BeyondJinglebells · 21/12/2015 09:38

Urgh mine were 9m and 2 at christmas, i know how you feel

Leave the two year old to look after the baby, and go to the pub!

AppleSetsSail · 21/12/2015 09:39

Bloody hell Op no one has had a go at your yet. Are all the great miseries of MN out doing their christmas shopping or something?

Maybe it's because OP had the disclaimer 'lighthearted' in the thread (ridiculous but understandable).

bigbuttons · 21/12/2015 09:40

I know, everyone has to put lighthearted at the end of all their OPs at the moment, it's so sad that MN has come to this,. Still I expect that won't put the hardcore moaners offWink

Speederman · 21/12/2015 09:40

DS2 (18 months) was an uncharacteristic nightmare yesterday. He cried and whinged and destroyed everything.

DH went for a run and I took the 2 boys to the park. I told DH that he had to have a very quick shower afterwards and come and join us otherwise I'd only come back with one boy. I almost meant it as well.

Not helped that I have a horrible head cold. In the afternoon I pleaded illness and DH took them out by himself. However, calpol and a nap had actually reset DS2 into his usual cheerful mode so everyone was happy especially me as I got to watch what I wanted to on tv for once.

I agree with lending crawlers and toddlers out to teenagers as contraceptives. My refluxer was a brilliant contraceptive - he was still puking 20 times a day aged 9 months Grin

AppleSetsSail · 21/12/2015 09:43

I know, everyone has to put lighthearted at the end of all their OPs at the moment, it's so sad that MN has come to this,. Still I expect that won't put the hardcore moaners off

I find your thread to be very insensitive, this is a trigger for many posters. Please contact MNHQ and ask for this to be deleted

Aramynta · 21/12/2015 09:44

Stuff her back in and ask for a refund Grin

sminkypinky · 21/12/2015 09:45

My 9 month old decided to wake every 30 minutes from 1:30am onwards this morning. Not for any reason, no teething, doesn't night feed any more (thank the lord) just to whinge a bit then go back to sleep after 5-10 minutes of white noise.
He's now happily chirping away to himself waving his porridge fingers in the air, while I look like I've been kicked in the face by a large horse. I was thinking of taking him to soft play and hiding myself in the ball pool.

CakeMountain · 21/12/2015 09:50

Some of the older models seem to get stuck in 'grunt mode' when they are about thirteen years old. I think it depends when they were manufactured.

The older ones also come with 'self clean' and refueling options, which can be useful (I think they've changed the materials they use to manufacture though as they smell slightly different).

shinynewusername · 21/12/2015 09:51

Oh hun have you tried claiming under EU rules? You have 6 years warrantee.

Unfortunately storks winter in Africa specifically so they are non-EU domiciled for consumer law purposes bastards

However, wolves have form for successfully raising small humans and have been re-introduced to France so quite local really and definitely worth a try.

Lasaraleen · 21/12/2015 09:51

Sounds like throwing your dh in the river might be an even better idea.

CakeMountain · 21/12/2015 09:53

^^ Oh yes, the older ones have much longer battery power too and have a nocturnal switch, which could help with the husband problem.

Noneedforasitter · 21/12/2015 09:54

The first 18 years are the worst. It gets easier after that.

HackerFucker22 · 21/12/2015 09:55

My first thought was teeth? Do you have any gel or teething powder.

I'm not a fan of giving Calpol as a first resort (especially if there is no temperature?) but it definitely sounds as though bubba is a bit off colour.

KittyLovesPaintingOhYes · 21/12/2015 09:56

OK, shall I do the honours? OP what a dreadful thing to suggest, don't you realise some mnetters may have (insert cause of distress here) and be (insert appropriate reaction). There, that's that done Smile

I feel for you, DD is was a nightmare toddler, and DS(7) threw up all over my bedroom floor at 2 am this morning and is now demanding cereal.

Have Brew and try EBay?

HesterShaw · 21/12/2015 09:57

Do some hoovering.

You won't be able to hear him.