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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To disappointed with this doctor's comments and want to raise the issue with the practice?

159 replies

Truckingfaffic · 19/12/2015 14:29

Tool DD to the doctors to tall about getting the pill as sge wants to start having sex with BF.

Doctor's advice was to use extra precautions for first 7 days.

Surely he should be advising condom use AND pill? All the times we've spoken about things I've stressed the need for both. Always. She understands. Wgat if he's giving this advice to all?

AIBU?

OP posts:
BondJayneBond · 19/12/2015 15:44

If you seriously think she is clueless as to the relative benefits of various contraceptive methods then she is too clueless to have sex. So you need to do what good parents do, teach her!

I had a friend at university who genuinely believed that the withdrawal method was a reliable means of contraception because her boyfriend said it would be fine. Until her period was late and she said to me and some other friends that she was a bit worried, but of course she couldn't be pregnant..... It became clear in the following conversation that she didn't know about condoms preventing STIs either.

Her parents hadn't told her anything about sex, except that she should wait till she was married. She hadn't learnt about safe sex at school. She was bright enough to get good A-levels and get into university, but it had never occurred to her to read up about safe sex herself. Obviously she hadn't been to a GP for contraception, but that's made me think that you can't really assume that a young person getting the pill for the first time does know about STIs and the benefits of different types of contraception.

spiralstaircase · 19/12/2015 15:45

I also find it depressing that you are considering making a complaint about something that both yourself and your daughter were well aware of and where absolutely no harm was done nor will be done. No wonder GPs have such little time!

Chippednailvarnish · 19/12/2015 15:46

So he's happily letting her into the world of sexual relationships unlikely to get pregnant, but unprotected against stds. Unacceptable imo

Since when have doctors "let" people have sex Hmm

Maybe as her parent you should be asking why she feels ready for having sex but still needs her DM to come to a doctor's appointment with her. Mind you that's also assuming you are willing to listen to a word that anyone who doesn't agree with you is saying.

And that's looking unlikely.

theredjellybean · 19/12/2015 15:47

and spiralstaircase so many leaving the profession/retiring early / going of sick with stress...because the public expect us to be responsible for things that frankly are a personal responsibility .

it is a really sorry state of affairs

OurBlanche · 19/12/2015 15:47

Then they were shite parents and she wasn't listening at school, hadn't been to a GP to get their advice either...

Whose fault? And why is that relevant to OPs DD who went to talk about getting the pill with her mum?

hownottofuckup · 19/12/2015 15:48

I don't think the OP's concern is for her daughter but for other less informed patients

spiralstaircase · 19/12/2015 15:50

Grr!

I was at my surgery this morning (as a patient with my family) when a woman probably in her 70s started complaining to myself and my husband how the check in system wasn't working and how she had been offered no explanation by the reception staff and that standards had gone down.
Some people will just always find something to complain about!

VaticanAssassin · 19/12/2015 15:51

"dear Doctors Surgery,
I was quite disappointed with the GP service my daughter received. We attended for her to be prescribed the Pill- she and her boyfriend want to be sexually active.
My daughter wants to have sex- and any mistakes ie, babies or STDs, would have repercussions for her and our family- so with that in mind- isn't it is the GPs job to educate my daughter?"

Oh please do complain OP, you'll give them a laugh Grin

Boomingmarvellous · 19/12/2015 15:51

YABU. The GP isn't a family planning service and if a girl attends with her mother he would make the (correct in your case) assumption you have discussed sti with her, or have attended a FPA

SirChenjin · 19/12/2015 15:52

If she's that concerned about other patients then it might have been better to clarify at the time why the GP wasn't giving her DD that information. Now that she wants to contact the Practice then at least give the GP the professional courtesy of contacting them directly to say "just a bit concerned..." - not raise it with 'the Practice'

hownottofuckup · 19/12/2015 15:52

And to pick up on whattheycallme said, the NHS is there to maintain the nations health, obviously this includes preventing the spreads of STI/D's.

Theworldmakesnosense · 19/12/2015 15:52

Haven't read all the replies but am interested to know did YOU mention to your DD what you think the doctor should have said?

TheFairyCaravan · 19/12/2015 15:57

Why did you name change for this thread OP?

ArmchairTraveller · 19/12/2015 16:00

'Her parents hadn't told her anything about sex, except that she should wait till she was married. She hadn't learnt about safe sex at school. '

How long ago was that, Bond? When I was a teenager, that would have been the case. But since more and more children are sexualised earlier and earlier, through music, film nd the internet, and many parents are still unwilling to discuss actual sex with their own children, secondary schools have stepped up yet again to do what used to be a parent's role.
Children are taught about safe sex in school. Whether they bother learning anything, or remembering it is another matter.

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 19/12/2015 16:18

YANBU. I'm not sure why people think this would be too difficult in a 10 min appointment. I don't think it took my GP more than about 30 seconds to cover this in my first appointment. It hasn't taken any other GPs who've done the repeat any longer than that either.

I don't think the GP should have been assuming that someone else has done his job for him just because the OP was there.

Original poster
Truckingfaffic · 19/12/2015 16:18

Taking emotion out of this thread.

If I said that there could be two approached to this scenario.

teenager goes to GP for the pill do that can have sex, GP replies:

1)" yes, here's a prescription, plus general comments about using the pill effectively"

Or

  1. as above plus "just to confirm pill will protect you from unwanted pregnancy, I advise using a barrier method to protect against STDs, here's a leaflet."

Which do you think is best practice?

OP posts:
goodnightdarthvader1 · 19/12/2015 16:19

Fairy, what the fuck does that question add to the conversation? Don't be a goady fucker.

OurBlanche · 19/12/2015 16:21

But neither of those scenarios include the teenagers mum being with them, That really would make a difference.

And my YABU is based on your wanting to make a complaint so the GP gets some comeuppance for having fallen short of your standards, despite your DD having suffered no loss or injury!

goodnightdarthvader1 · 19/12/2015 16:21
  1. absolutely. GPs advise on all sorts, from diet to exercise to ways to stop smoking. It would have taken 10 seconds to say and would fall into the remit of "patient education".
Original poster
Truckingfaffic · 19/12/2015 16:23

And to all those saying 'raising the issue' is unnecessary, I'll now agree with you, I'm going to make the assumption that he didn't mention STDs as I was there and to an teenager on their own, he'd cover the issue.

Thanks to those who spoke rationally. It's not that I'm intransigent, it's the fact that people were blatantly not responding to the points I made and covered I'm the OP that irked.

OP posts:
theycallmemellojello · 19/12/2015 16:26

spiralstaircase - of course I'm not assuming that everyone follows a doctor's advice! But do you really think that the fact that a patient might not follow medical advice means that a doctor shouldn't give it? ("oh Mrs Smith is never going to give up her evening sherry. I won't bother to tell her that she's not supposed to drink with this medication")

I think what is naïve on this thread is the assumption that everyone who is sexually active has had the benefit of kind parental advice and pays attention in school. Sadly, there are people who slip through the net. And given that we have a NHS to protect the nation's health (including the health of people too "stupid" to do internet research on STIs), it's not unreasonable to expect that doctors will offer advice that allows people to make well-informed choices and protect themselves from disease.

theycallmemellojello · 19/12/2015 16:27

I love the idea of MNers deeming people "too clueless to have sex". Because that's definitely how it works.

TheFairyCaravan · 19/12/2015 16:29

goodnight I'm not being a goady fucker! If I want to ask a question I will. Who died and made you the thread police?

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 19/12/2015 16:30

OurBlanche. The fact that the patient's mum is in the room should make no difference at all in either scenario.

Either it's necessary advice or it isn't. No HCP should be making an assumption about what they think a patient already knows when it comes to basic information.

CherryPits · 19/12/2015 16:30

Late coming to this. I was recently put on the mini pill because I'm an aging 40 something with heavy periods. When I read the blurb inside the packet, it very clearly states, in bold I think, that while it provides contraceptive protection it doesn't protect against STDs or HIV.

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