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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To disappointed with this doctor's comments and want to raise the issue with the practice?

159 replies

Truckingfaffic · 19/12/2015 14:29

Tool DD to the doctors to tall about getting the pill as sge wants to start having sex with BF.

Doctor's advice was to use extra precautions for first 7 days.

Surely he should be advising condom use AND pill? All the times we've spoken about things I've stressed the need for both. Always. She understands. Wgat if he's giving this advice to all?

AIBU?

OP posts:
littledrummergirl · 19/12/2015 15:28

In our surgery we recommend a double appointment with the family planning nurse who would have gone through all of the available options. In my opinion yabvu.

Original poster
Truckingfaffic · 19/12/2015 15:28

Looking for ways to blame A N Other for not doing something you should have done as she approached maturity

Me: All the times we've spoken about things I've stressed the need for both. Always.

I'm not looking fir you to agree with me, love, I'm expecting people to read the words.

OP posts:
VocationalGoat · 19/12/2015 15:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

theycallmemellojello · 19/12/2015 15:29

Sorry, this is an issue that is very close to my heart, as I have a close friend who is HIV+. I think that maybe some of the posters here are thinking that STIs = a bit of a rash and embarrassment and that's it, rather than something that can potentially affect your entire life in a really profound way. Of course sexual protection is a medical matter, and of course we can't say that individuals who are too neglected/stupid/lazy to do their own research deserve to get diseases - that is a truly reprehensible attitude.

OurBlanche · 19/12/2015 15:30

Well, seeing as schools have taught sex ed and a host of other 'personal issue' classes, obviously not.

But that does not remove a parents primary role... to parent.

Not crackers at all, just frustration at the apparent "It's everyone elses job to raise my child" attitude.

Mind you, we could just go down the Brave New World route and programme them all at birth... no need for parents at all then. Everyone will be happy!

hownottofuckup · 19/12/2015 15:31

I wonder if it made a difference that you were there OP?
Having a parent with a teenager seeking contraception would indicate that teenager has the benefit of honesty, guidance and support.
I wonder if he would have mentioned it to a young person on their own.

VocationalGoat · 19/12/2015 15:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Sallystyle · 19/12/2015 15:32

I assume he knew that STI talk is covered by schools now a days and the fact that you were with her suggest you are obviously close enough to have covered that part of it yourself. I can see why he didn't feel the need to mention it.

If another young woman went on her own he may very well have mentioned that the pill does not protect against STI's. However, at that age you would have to be pretty isolated not to know that already. My 12 year old has already being given that talk in school.

Wolpertinger · 19/12/2015 15:32

I don't think the GP is embarrassed - it's just getting a teenager to talk about their sex life in front of their mother is pretty pointless.

A very different conversation would likely have happened if the teenager was on her own.

theycallmemellojello · 19/12/2015 15:32

Actually, we pay our taxes to fund the NHS precisely because as a society we have made a decision that one person's illness is society's responsibility, not just the private individual's (or their mother's).

OurBlanche · 19/12/2015 15:32

I'm not looking fir you to agree with me, love, I'm expecting people to read the words. Oh do calm down, dear Smile

From the consensus of opinion I think it is obvious that we have read your words and disagreed with your perspective.

I appreciate it must be hard to take, AIBU is so rarely unanimous, But surely you can see that your desire to have the GP 'corrected' is misplaced?

OurBlanche · 19/12/2015 15:35

Actually, we pay our taxes to fund the NHS precisely because as a society we have made a decision that one person's illness is society's responsibility, not just the private individual's (or their mother's).

Since when has wanting to be sexually active been an illness?

Weird, even for AIBU!

theycallmemellojello · 19/12/2015 15:35

But the girl had come in order to discuss her sex life - it would be weird if the GP assumed she didn't want to. Also, you don't need to discuss someone's sex life to tell them that there are many diseases against which condoms are the only effective protection and that you shouldn't sleep with someone without a condom unless they've been tested for STIs.

theycallmemellojello · 19/12/2015 15:36

OurBlanche errr you do know that condoms protect against disease?

ghostyslovesheep · 19/12/2015 15:37

gosh you are cross - complain if it helps calm you down!

hownottofuckup · 19/12/2015 15:38

He only needed to say 'obviously the pill won't protect against STI/D's, you need a barrier method like condoms for that' and he should have. It would take all of 10 seconds and should be standard practice when prescribing contraceptives irrespective of the patients age.

OurBlanche · 19/12/2015 15:40

School, parents, Family Planning... all available to OPs DD.

GP gave advice regarding the pill, which is what OPs DD had gone for "to talk about getting the pill".

As others have said, had she gone alone she may have got a completely different response from the GP, who may have decided to keep it brief because OP was there.

We can't know, we weren't there and the GP isn't here to explain. However, on the info OP gave, her desire to have him re-educated and taught the error of his ways is unfounded!

OurBlanche · 19/12/2015 15:40

Please don't jello. You only make yourself sound silly!

ArmchairTraveller · 19/12/2015 15:41

Like U2 said, STIs, and contraception are covered in schools now, and fairly thoroughly. 16 is considered the age of sexual responsibility in this country.
Perhaps it should be raised, and no contraceptives issued unless they've done a day course on being aware that shagging has dangers and how to avoid them. Just in case they weren't awake in school.

spiralstaircase · 19/12/2015 15:41

callmemello your assumption that everyone always follows as doctors advice is more than a little naive.
Of course the NHS/ medical professionals can't be expected to take full responsibility for every individuals risk taking behaviour. What happened to personal responsibility?

If it had been an underage girl without the support of a parent the conversation may well have been different. In this circumstance, it seems perfectly reasonable to assume that the girl has discussed her decision with her mother and been given appropriate support and advice even disregarding sex education lessons at school.

Potatoface2 · 19/12/2015 15:41

im gobsmacked at the stupidity of some people.....truly i am!

theredjellybean · 19/12/2015 15:42

interesting Op why do you think she should always use both condoms and the ocp ?

if it because condoms protect both boys and girls against stds then why facilitate her going on the ocp /

it would be in an ideal world great if gps could spend the time discussing various forms of contraception and the risks of not using barrier methods, then document it in detail and safety net etc etc but sadly 10 mins is not enough, and you went in saying you wanted ocp for dd and he prescribed it. with appropriate advice on its use to ensure best efficacy.

I feel sad now ( as opposed to angry as i was at beginning) that your feel your gp is a disappointment and even with a gentle approach it would amount to a complaint, you do not seem to have any empathy with your dd's doctor, who was doing his job.

mamapants · 19/12/2015 15:43

hownotto has summed it up. Its basically one sentence.
The op isn't saying the doctor should have said it because she wasn't going to, or hadn't or couldn't be bothered. But because she thinks its an important and relevant piece of information regarding the pill. Which it is.
Also a few people gave said that op is unanimously unreasonable, which is blatantly untrue, a few people have agreed with her.

SirChenjin · 19/12/2015 15:43

If you were in the consultation, why didn't you ask the GP about it then and there, rather than wanting to clipe to the PM after the event? Confused

YABU.

chipsandpeas · 19/12/2015 15:43

a GP has never told me the pill doesnt protect against STD
and ive been on and off the pill for over 20 years
that bit of information was covered my my mum as well as sex ed at school

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