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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have formed these early impressions of MN?

147 replies

EachVentureIsANewBeginning · 19/12/2015 12:44

I've been on MN about a week now and am enjoying it enormously. These are my early, fairly random impressions, based on a fair bit of reading (and a small amount of posting) in Mumsnet Talk, largely but not exclusively in AIBU, Relationships, and Mumsnet Classics. I suppose it may be relevant to say that I'm male and quite old.

I've found that:

Lots of threads are extraordinarily funny. Things I read don't generally make me laugh out loud but I have done several times here, for example when reading 'Pointless and soul destroying ongoing fights with inanimate objects'.

Lots of threads are extraordinarily sad, and yes, I've had tears in my eyes reading some of them.

Overall, the quality of writing is of a very high standard. (I was an English teacher a long time ago and I like being impressed by really good writing. I've found that here more than in any other online forum I can think of.)

The kind of support that people give others is tremendous - really heartwarming and moving. There's a wonderful feeling of community - the sort of caring that restores your faith in human nature, particularly when feeling ashamed at the dreadful things some men do to women.

There does seem to be (in some quarters) a bias towards advocating 'leave the bastard' at a stage which seems to me possibly premature. (But there generally seem to be people offering the opposite view too.)

I do feel slightly uneasy about the way I've got caught up in some threads as if they were TV soaps (e.g. refreshing the screen to see if the OP has had THAT conversation with DH yet and what the result was). I have to remind myself that these are people's real lives.

I've learned a number of rather basic but fascinating facts about things bodies do/people do with their bodies. Just one example: that people wipe their bottoms standing up as well as sitting down. (And the shock people obviously experienced at finding people did it the other way from them was funny!)

There's a lot of 'bad language' which I generally enjoy. However, as a man who's long resisted the use by other men of 'cunt' as a term of abuse (because I think the word should be used just for the beautiful part of the anatomy to which it properly refers) I was a bit surprised at the number of women here who use it precisely as a term of abuse. Which is entirely a matter for them, of course, and I'm not saying I think they shouldn't - just that I was surprised.

I think that's quite enough for now. Hope it's of some interest.

OP posts:
AbbyCadabra · 19/12/2015 21:36

And of all the examples of topics he's read in the end it's arses and cunts.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 19/12/2015 21:36

Ha, nice comparison!

Kr1stina · 19/12/2015 21:42

Venture, you might find this blog post interesting . It's about understanding your privilege and how to approach minority spaces

blog.shrub.com/check-my-what/

I hope you stick around Mumsnet, I think you could learn a lot

ThatsNiceDear · 19/12/2015 21:47

Welcome to MN OP, I liked your post, very observant! I agree that people's English here is of a higher standard than some other internet forums (and I'm a woman)!

Would you have congratulated a male dominated forum on the quality of their writing? Not bloody likely, If you've seen some of the body building forums I've looked at.

I have my very own LTB-or-not thread here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/2531262-To-have-posted-this-on-FB-about-my-not-so-dh-and-his-xmas-shaggathon

You are welcome to come and post if you like (as is everyone else).

goodnightdarthvader1 · 19/12/2015 21:50

Advertising your own thread? Hmm

cleaty · 19/12/2015 21:51

Remember OP to start every comment "as a man...."

ThatsNiceDear · 19/12/2015 21:55

Oh, is that frowned on goodnight? He said he liked LTB threads, I thought it'd be nice for him and less soapy, since we've said hello. Thought I'd extend the invitation to be polite. I'll ask the post to be removed. Fucking hell. I hope santa is bringing me a large rock this year, that I can crawl under and never come out of.

YouGottaKeepEmSeparated · 19/12/2015 21:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 19/12/2015 21:57

TND, no idea if it's frowned upon, I'm just being bitchy, ignore me Flowers

LumelaMme · 19/12/2015 22:28

I don't think the OP writes like a woman trying to be a man. I think he writes like my elderly (male) cousin: ex-civil servant, very particular about his SPAG (and mine - I have learned useful things from him).

I agree about the quality of the writing. And the laughs. God, I've had some good evenings on this site.

But yeah, saying you're a man in AIBU is rather asking for it. The opening post is a little 'A MAN is here', but it's interesting and thoughtful, so I'm not going to jump down his throat. Plus, it's almost Christmas and I'm slightly pissed on other people's Prosecco and not up to any sort of argument...

PalcumTowder · 19/12/2015 23:25

Why do men have the need to announce themselves and give an opinion? Now I know it's a thing, I see it happening all the time.

It's kind of hilarious once you get over how fucking annoying it is.

Stimpack · 19/12/2015 23:34

I'm a man and I've never announced myself.

Shit I have now haven't I?

BadlyBehavedShoppingTrolley · 20/12/2015 04:58

Definitely should not have mentioned you were a man. Definitely not.

I'd dearly love to do a Sliding Doors thing and be able to see this thread happen all over again with no mention of the OP being a man.

PalcumTowder · 20/12/2015 11:07

It's obvious that the op is a man, he didn't need to say. I think he'd have got exactly the same responses.

BeholdAManHasArrived · 20/12/2015 12:08

I briefly changed my NN just so I could post this. Grin

I think I shall spend the next hour or so handing out my worldly advice on various other threads.

Toodles, little women.

PacificDogwod · 20/12/2015 12:18

Venture, welcome!! Smile

I joined MN some 7 years ago and I felt exactly as you describe in your OP - and I say this as a woman. With a cunt an'all.

If you are not put off by the ribbing you've got on this thread, then you are clearly MN material.
It's a hazing of sorts, and it's always worse when you turn out to be of the male persuasion.

Again, welcome [santa]

Lweji · 20/12/2015 12:18

And we'll be in awe.

PacificDogwod · 20/12/2015 12:22

BadLad made me LOL, and I don't approve of 'lol', but there you go.
It's not the size wot matters, it's wot you do with it.

Shock
BeyondJinglebells · 20/12/2015 12:29

Behold, that definitely sounds like a woman pretendng to be a man Grin

BeholdAManHasArrived · 20/12/2015 12:38

Beyond You've rumbled me Grin And I didn't even get a chance to put my shiny new NN to the test!

Lweji · 20/12/2015 12:52

We'll keep your secret.

silvermantela · 20/12/2015 14:07

Like lots of other posters, it's not the content of your post, but just the fact you posted at all that's a bit off. You framed your post as an AIBU, but it's not, really, is it? It's a 'here I am!' thread. Which is fine, but if every single new person who joined did that there would just be 100s of posts every week with people saying hello and not actually contributing to discussion. You wouldn't start a new job and then after two weeks send an email round to the whole company saying what your thought were on it, would you?

You say the rest of your OP was just general stuff adding on to the two main issues you had, so perhaps you'd have been better off posting separately on just those issues, e.g. 'AIBU as a man to be surprised at the use of the word 'cunt' on a female dominated website,' (or even posting it in feminist chat if you're really brave), and asking for views on it, or on chat 'Does anyone else ever feel uncomfortable about treating threads about real people's lives as entertainment?' (btw - I do!)

But anyway, welcome!

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