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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have formed these early impressions of MN?

147 replies

EachVentureIsANewBeginning · 19/12/2015 12:44

I've been on MN about a week now and am enjoying it enormously. These are my early, fairly random impressions, based on a fair bit of reading (and a small amount of posting) in Mumsnet Talk, largely but not exclusively in AIBU, Relationships, and Mumsnet Classics. I suppose it may be relevant to say that I'm male and quite old.

I've found that:

Lots of threads are extraordinarily funny. Things I read don't generally make me laugh out loud but I have done several times here, for example when reading 'Pointless and soul destroying ongoing fights with inanimate objects'.

Lots of threads are extraordinarily sad, and yes, I've had tears in my eyes reading some of them.

Overall, the quality of writing is of a very high standard. (I was an English teacher a long time ago and I like being impressed by really good writing. I've found that here more than in any other online forum I can think of.)

The kind of support that people give others is tremendous - really heartwarming and moving. There's a wonderful feeling of community - the sort of caring that restores your faith in human nature, particularly when feeling ashamed at the dreadful things some men do to women.

There does seem to be (in some quarters) a bias towards advocating 'leave the bastard' at a stage which seems to me possibly premature. (But there generally seem to be people offering the opposite view too.)

I do feel slightly uneasy about the way I've got caught up in some threads as if they were TV soaps (e.g. refreshing the screen to see if the OP has had THAT conversation with DH yet and what the result was). I have to remind myself that these are people's real lives.

I've learned a number of rather basic but fascinating facts about things bodies do/people do with their bodies. Just one example: that people wipe their bottoms standing up as well as sitting down. (And the shock people obviously experienced at finding people did it the other way from them was funny!)

There's a lot of 'bad language' which I generally enjoy. However, as a man who's long resisted the use by other men of 'cunt' as a term of abuse (because I think the word should be used just for the beautiful part of the anatomy to which it properly refers) I was a bit surprised at the number of women here who use it precisely as a term of abuse. Which is entirely a matter for them, of course, and I'm not saying I think they shouldn't - just that I was surprised.

I think that's quite enough for now. Hope it's of some interest.

OP posts:

wonkylampshade · 19/12/2015 14:03

Welcome! I'm sure you are well used to the rough and tumble if you've been lurking a while - I like your observations and look forward to an ever expanding sea of contributions. The more the merrier.

BatsUpMyNightie · 19/12/2015 14:05

Well I think it's jolly super that you've formed some impressions. Absolutely spiffing - thanks for sharing.
You write like a woman pretending to be a man but I expect you already know that.

Do Civil Servants have their own forum and can we go there and patronise them? Oh go on - please! I promise I won't post 'cunty cunt cunt' all over it at least until I get to know them a little better

Sparklingbrook · 19/12/2015 14:06

I never thought to do a MN review a week after joining with my thoughts on the site. Is this a new thing?

MontyYouTerribleCunt · 19/12/2015 14:06

Yeah, people do like to sometimes "have a go for no reason" on MN and I have frequently heard it called a nest of vipers.

That said, this post is a wee bit annoying. I mean where is the AIBU for a start? Maybe I missed it. Also, I don't really need a stamp of approval to use a site, so I'm about what the point of this post is if it's not to do a spot of head patting. Whatever, you sound like a very nice, well meaning person OP, but AIBU maybe isn't the place for your post.... Though I see others really like your post, so there we are.

UnGoogleable · 19/12/2015 14:17

Monty can I just hijack the thread to tell you I'm very envious of your username

Original poster

EachVentureIsANewBeginning · 19/12/2015 14:17

Bats - You write like a woman pretending to be a man but I expect you already know that.
I've been called some things in my time but that's definitely a new one! (Trying to work out if it's a compliment or not... ) I'd be interested in knowing what you taken the difference to be between a man writing as a man and a woman writing as if she were a man.

Monty - yes, I wondered if AIBU was the right place - if indeed anywhere was. On reflection, it might have been better to feed thoughts in separately as and when they seemed relevant.

OP posts:

ghnocci · 19/12/2015 14:19

I'm glad other posters thought the same as me. I also found it a bit patronising.

Sparklingbrook · 19/12/2015 14:21

AIBU is used for everything. Some posters never leave the topic. It's rarely the right place.

I have it hidden because it's a joke topic on the whole but this thread popped up in Trending.

UnGoogleable · 19/12/2015 14:21

Venture in case you haven't realised already, AIBU tends to be frequented by those of a somewhat belligerent nature...

Welcome and keep posting.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 19/12/2015 14:22

I agree that MN is generally a "middle class" forum, which means that you very more coherent writing and less trashy posts about people's baby daddies. Can't imagine writing a post congratulating people on that, though.

Welcome to MN, OP. Don't be a condescending twat and you'll be fine.

MontyYouTerribleCunt · 19/12/2015 14:25

ungoogle . Glad you like it! That line always makes me laugh.

TassleTits · 19/12/2015 14:30

You sound well-meaning but a bit patronising, and you've had a surprisingly easy time on this thread. Enjoy it while it lasts........

longingforfun · 19/12/2015 14:31

Well Eachventure I enjoyed your original post and think it's a very fair summary of what MN is all about. Take no notice of the negative remarks. You'll get plenty.

Original poster

EachVentureIsANewBeginning · 19/12/2015 14:33

I'll shut up after this - but I wanted to ask one question. Did people who found my original post patronising (which, as I've said, certainly wasn't my intention and for which I've apologised) object only to my praise for the quality of the writing, or were they similarly offended by what I said about (for example) the wonderful support people give each other? Or perhaps it was just the general giving of impressions?

And I do wonder if comments responding to my praise for MN would have been different if I hadn't said I was a man.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 19/12/2015 14:41

Yeah you shouldn't have mentioned you're a man.

That seems to be a cardinal sin on here OP.

It's like you typed your whole opening post with your penis.

WellWhoKnew · 19/12/2015 14:43

Venture Lesson no. 1. You're in AIBU - that means you state your opinion and sit back whilst the rest of us tear it apart.

It ain't a gender thing. It's what happens in this section of MN. It's just a gathering of people - all of whom have opinions. Sometimes strongly delivered.

I, for one, agree with you on many of your points. But yep, stating you're a man was not necessary and does invite the allegation that we're all sexist...

TassleTits · 19/12/2015 14:43

I just can't imagine that you would have written your post if it were a male-dominated forum you'd just joined. It comes across to me as "You ladies make me feel all fuzzy and warm inside except for the little frisson of excitement I get with your use of the word cunt"
Head-patting really, as others have said.

Sorry, but you did ask!

goodnightdarthvader1 · 19/12/2015 14:44

Venture, ah ha, you caught us! Yes, the fact that you're a man made the subtext behind your post clearer. Men are so used to expecting their opinion to be sought after / praised that they get mega confused when women say "actually, we don't really care what you think, but thanks". Without knowing you are a man, I still would have thought the post patronising, but throwing in those bits about LTB and cunts made it clearer as to why you were posting. There was praise, but subtle criticism too. "You're doing OK, girls, but I don't 100 percent approve. And the reason you should care is because a MAN HAS COME to educate you."

Women get this shit every day IRL and on the internet.

EponasWildDaughter · 19/12/2015 14:45

Welcome OP.

It's funny, i've been a MNer for about 7 years and every so often these ''I feel the need to say i'm here and i'm enjoying it'' threads do pop up.

They do most often seem to be by male OPs. Why is that? This deep seated need to announce themselves? It's odd.

To me, a male in a predominantly female space doing this comes across as either
a. surprised that the space is entertaining/intelligent/interesting despite being full of women, or
b. deep down wanting the women to know there's a man about.

Or both.

Gruach · 19/12/2015 14:45

It was perfectly obvious that you were posting "as a man" before you stated the fact.

These are my early, fairly random impressions, bow down and worship ladies...

longingforfun · 19/12/2015 14:47

And that's the sort of response you will get from a person who calls herself (or maybe himself?) something ludicrous like TassleTits.

Lweji · 19/12/2015 14:47

It does seem to me like what an older male pp might write, actually. :)

Sunnybitch · 19/12/2015 14:49

Worral-that last bit

Welcome op

TassleTits · 19/12/2015 14:50

something ludicrous like TassleTits

hahaha, is that all you've got longingforfun? Maybe you should get out and have more fun

cabbageleaf · 19/12/2015 14:51

You shouldn't have said you're a man OP, it brings out the worst in some people here.

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