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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a disgusting thing to do??

129 replies

Dothetwist · 18/12/2015 19:00

My dd has been picked on in school on and off for the last year. She has been physically attacked a couple of times, each time i have been in to school they say the right thing but then it happens again

This year she is being singled out of a group, we know one of the parents through distant relatives we have a bad relationship with this has caused this particular mum to think she needs to bring dd into it.

In october dd was the only girl left out of a party..was told there was no room!
She gets left out of their group play dates, we brush it off and plan something for us to distract her

Well the bullying is getting bad, I've gone into school and got the relevant form to get her moved to another school and told them i will be writing to the governors and ofsted due to their inability to safeguard my daughter.

This particular mum is a queen bee type, always picking others up from the school for playdates and it the chair of the PTA. This afternoon this mum was in the classroom at pick up and rounded up the 9 other girls in dd's class as they are all going to her house for a christmas party.

Her dd then comes up to my dd with a bag of craft items and says... "here, my mum told me to give you this as you're not invited to my party" the mum then very loudly goes on about getting going.

Aibu to shove shit in this bag and put it through her letter box?

It seems so fucking spiteful Sad

OP posts:
SinisterBumFacedCat · 18/12/2015 21:28

The thing is the school might be so dense brainwashed by this woman they could assume it was a cack-handed attempt on her part to be nice to your DD and say you have chosen to take it the wrong way. Obviously absolute bollox but sometimes schools can be wilfully ignorant about the sophisticated ways children can be bullied by exclusion.

Original poster
Dothetwist · 18/12/2015 21:30

mommy we have no immediate issue between us. The issue is with relatives of my dh who she is friends with

OP posts:
Aussiemum78 · 18/12/2015 21:31

Throw a party and leave her dd out. Give her dd a crappy craft bag.

Why not?

Original poster
Dothetwist · 18/12/2015 21:33

The thought did cross my mind aussie, i hate to think of another child crying themselves to sleep at night because of an arsehole.

OP posts:
BahHumbugs · 18/12/2015 21:34

Send her a Christmas card, its the season of goodwill after all Xmas Smile

To think this is a disgusting thing to do??
BahHumbugs · 18/12/2015 21:36

This one

To think this is a disgusting thing to do??
Chrysanthemum5 · 18/12/2015 21:45

How could someone do this to a child and what were the other mums thinking of - I can only assume they didn't know your daughter was the only one bring left out.

I'd have to return the kit and let her know it was cruel - but that's easier to say than do.

Notimefortossers · 18/12/2015 21:53

I can't believe anyone would do this to a 5 year old. What a cunty fucking horrible cow.

I would request a meeting with herself and the head to discuss it. Let her try and squirm out of it in front of the head

Aeroflotgirl · 18/12/2015 21:53

What a disgusting thing for an adult to do to a child, she should be ashamed of herself! What is she teaching her dd? Your poor dd, hope she's out of there soon.

Aeroflotgirl · 19/12/2015 08:16

Tge mum is responsible for some of the bullying, I woukd see the HT when you go back, put it in writing and tell her. Keep the gift to show her, fir HT to hand it back to mum. Let it be known that this woman is on the PTA, she should be stopped. This is unacceptable.

Ememem84 · 19/12/2015 08:51

Agree. I'd arrange a meeting with the head during the first week back. Keep the bag. Ask her to return it. Keep trying to move dd.

There are more likely other kids who this has been done to.

Aeroflotgirl · 19/12/2015 09:23

Once your dd moves her bullying could turn onto another chikd whose mum she falls out with. The fact she has a position of influence within the school is disgusting. I am sure the HT will be very interested about this.

mamas12 · 19/12/2015 09:37

Yes make it more official
Take the bag to the head and explain the bullying on school and say you will escalate if it isn't dealt with.

Aeroflotgirl · 19/12/2015 09:48

I agree mama, write it all down life a timeline, until yesterday's incident. Tell her you will take it to tge chair if governors, and LEA if this is not dealt with properly. Tge mum is encouraging the bullying with her behaviour and shoukd be stopped.

BabyGanoush · 19/12/2015 10:03

that mum is awful, but she probably thinks she is being "nice" giving your dd a gift....

hate people like that!

BahHumbugs · 19/12/2015 10:44

I dont think she is trying to be nice by giving the gift, shes being cruel and she knows it.

Its like saying to a child,

"Oh what a shame we wont let you join us, to eat this lovely big chocolate cake, but we will let you have a smartie off the icing, there you are, now off you go"

Its so bloody nasty.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 19/12/2015 11:59

I would be very tempted to hand the bag of craft stuff back to her in the playground, in front of all the other mothers, and say, "A bag of cheapie craft stuff will not compensate my daughter for being systematically excluded by you. You are bullying a 5-year-old, and should be utterly ashamed of yourself. Rest assured, the Head has been fully informed about all your nasty behaviour, and I will be removing my daughter from this school and from your toxic sphere as soon as possible!"

Then turn on your heel, and leave.

timelytess · 19/12/2015 12:02

Pass over the craft stuff to the head to give back to her
This is masterly. Respect to the teacher who thought of this one. The nasty woman will be shamed. Nothing more needs to be said.

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 19/12/2015 12:10

Children bully other children unfortunately. What's so shocking here is that the mother of another child is bullying a five year old little girl!

Your poor dd! Move her asap! I'd even be tempted to keep her off til the move can be arranged as I doubt the school can or will do much to control the behaviour of another parent sadly

derxa · 19/12/2015 12:12

One of the worst school related things I've read on here. I would arrange a meeting with the head. Be calm and unemotional. You need to explain clearly what is going on. However if you don't trust the head then don't do it. Don't engage with bitch woman.

OTiTO · 19/12/2015 12:12

Surely the mean Mum will just say she invited the OPs DD and that he invite got lost - if she really is as evil as she seems then she won't have a problem telling a few porkies.

If mean mum is a queen bee mum who is 'in' with the school then the OP may end up looking a bit silly.

I wonder if talking to the mean mum in front of a bunch of other mums might work better. Maybe just ask her if DD was excluded to the party and if she was then ask her if she could be more considerate of DDs feelings in future. No shouting or drama but a polite request. It might show her up in front of the other Mums.

PurpleGreenAvocado · 19/12/2015 12:18

Is there enough stuff in the craft bag to make a voodoo doll?

Jw35 · 19/12/2015 12:20

Poor baby Sad

TheWindowDonkey · 19/12/2015 12:36

So sorry to hear about this op, esp to hear that your daughter is so young so not able to rationalise it with you like an older child could. I'm not sure what your situation is at home, but if you had the time then did you know that homeschooling is an option?
You can do it on a temporary basis until the new school can take your daughter. You dont need any qualifications to do it, you can follow curriculum and can buy books to help you, equally you dont HAVE to follow any curriculum.
There are several home education uk forums on the web where you will find a lot of very supportive and well informed families who could help you decide if its the right thing for you or not.
We didnt look into it for years as we were convinced all home edders were strange in some way or religious extremists. (How ignorant we were!) Thus far we have only met educated, like minded, highly friendly and sane people who have confident, articulate and inclusive children. It has been an eye opener.
Pm me if you want to know any info.
No child should have to put up with this behaviour at school, most people arent aware that Home ed is a very viable alternative in the uk. :)

paulapompom · 19/12/2015 12:47

Flowers for you and Cake for dd. I 've seen this before (teacher and mum of twin girls). Mum from he'll will get her comeuppance but in the meantime I agree with truthfairy. It means waiting til school resumes but I think it's the way to proceed. Also as pp said, there is support out therefor home schooling (education otherwise are good ). Feel sorry for mean mums dd too, she is basically a bully and abusive person, your dd is lucky, she has a lovely mum. Write down what you recall with dates, and take it to the head/chair of governors, good luck op. Don't letit spoil Christmas, one day it will just be a bad memory x