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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a disgusting thing to do??

129 replies

Dothetwist · 18/12/2015 19:00

My dd has been picked on in school on and off for the last year. She has been physically attacked a couple of times, each time i have been in to school they say the right thing but then it happens again

This year she is being singled out of a group, we know one of the parents through distant relatives we have a bad relationship with this has caused this particular mum to think she needs to bring dd into it.

In october dd was the only girl left out of a party..was told there was no room!
She gets left out of their group play dates, we brush it off and plan something for us to distract her

Well the bullying is getting bad, I've gone into school and got the relevant form to get her moved to another school and told them i will be writing to the governors and ofsted due to their inability to safeguard my daughter.

This particular mum is a queen bee type, always picking others up from the school for playdates and it the chair of the PTA. This afternoon this mum was in the classroom at pick up and rounded up the 9 other girls in dd's class as they are all going to her house for a christmas party.

Her dd then comes up to my dd with a bag of craft items and says... "here, my mum told me to give you this as you're not invited to my party" the mum then very loudly goes on about getting going.

Aibu to shove shit in this bag and put it through her letter box?

It seems so fucking spiteful Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
Dothetwist · 18/12/2015 19:36

It feels so personal, i worry that our family issue has ended up with dd being excluded.

All the other mums are friends with this mum, i have nothing to do with any of them as i work in a stressful long hours job (responsible for bullying / safeguarding...hollow laugh)

She is fucking vile... Part of me thinks it is calculated as it was the last day so she knew i wouldn't see her for a few weeks

OP posts:
Notonthestairs · 18/12/2015 19:36

ps I agree with Curioushorse - secondary school is going to be a nightmare for this woman as she wont be able to control things the way she does here.

LuluJakey1 · 18/12/2015 19:40

I would be furious but please don't do the witch thing- it lowers you to her level.

Instead include it in the letter of complaint to the governors. There is clearly a culture in this school where parents are allowed to create situations that exclude children. The school should be dealing with this parent- she did it on their site and involved one of their students in doing it. The Headteacher should be interviewing her and making it absolutely clear that her behaviour is unacceptable and it must stop. Not much she can do about not inviting your daughter but the bag of craft stuff is just vile.

Taylor22 · 18/12/2015 19:42

Have you called SS? The school are failing to safeguard your child and are endangering her mental health.

Personally I'd be on the phone/writing letters every day escalating it until something was done. I'd personally want to destroy this woman.

Original poster
Dothetwist · 18/12/2015 19:43

To be honest we would decline / not be able to attend anything we may be invited to by this particular mum, as i would be concerned about putting her amongst the wolves as such.

The not being invited we tend to be able to plan bigger and better things, this situations really breaks my heart for her.

OP posts:
LittleBeautyBelle · 18/12/2015 19:44

I second the idea of giving her a print out of this thread along with your "consolation prize" of crap craft items.

wonkylampshade · 18/12/2015 19:46

That is absolutely cruel - your poor DD. I'd also be moving her ASAP, and letting the local authority know exactly why. For the bullying and exclusion to be exacerbated by an adult is unforgivable imo. If she has an official role within the school, even worse.

Thetruthfairy · 18/12/2015 19:46

I'm a teacher.
That is awful. Your poor dd.
Don't bite though, be the bigger person. Just go into school and explain what happened to the head. Pass over the craft stuff to the head to give back to her. She will be mortified.
I would move my child too xx

Whatevva · 18/12/2015 19:46

Stick it in the school bin Grin

spiderlight · 18/12/2015 19:47

That is just pure nastiness. Your poor DD :(

Dumdiddlydum · 18/12/2015 19:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wonkylampshade · 18/12/2015 19:48

I agree with the previous advice not to respond or retaliate in any way directly. Go through the official channels and don't let yourself or DD down by ending up in a brawl about it.

plantsitter · 18/12/2015 19:51

What's in the bag? Could you use the craft items to make a big glittery 'fuck you' and leave that on her doorstep instead? I'll bloddy do it for you if you like!

LittleBeautyBelle · 18/12/2015 19:52

Thetruthfairy has a good idea. Report that latest bullying incident with the blatant exclusion & weird crafts bag and give the school the bag to give back to the witch. If she has any conscience at all she will be mortified and shamed by the school confronting her behavior to you as fairy said. Your poor dd, I feel for you, OP, no excuse for the bullying and that's what it is.

CoffeeCoffeeAndLotsOfIt · 18/12/2015 19:53

Thetruthfairy's idea is brilliant. I'm scrapping my original idea and going with that one

expatinscotland · 18/12/2015 19:56

I would move her. I'm all for standing up, but I don't view my kids as a social experiment or a pawns in a game against an ineffectual school. Life is short, fuck cunty people.

We had problems with bullying but it was by violent boys. The second the school showed they were going to do FA, we were out of there.

The way I see it, there's always another school, another job, another home, another city, another man, another bus in life. Don't flog dead horses, leave 'em to rot.

Jackiebrambles · 18/12/2015 19:58

Love the truth fairy's idea - I'd do that.

What an absolute cunt of a woman. She must be woefully inadequate in life to behave with such spite.

Ohfourfoxache · 18/12/2015 19:58

Yep, definitely Thetruthfairy's idea - it's less "personal"

This is one of the most awful things I've read on here in a long time Sad

Heatherplant · 18/12/2015 20:01

I'd have told mini witch to tell the big witch you weren't interested in the craft items. Your poor DD, angry on her and your behalf. Any chance of arranging a few small play dates that don't involve the bullies?

FannyFifer · 18/12/2015 20:01

What a hideous fucking individual.

I would have real difficulty being the bigger person in this situation.

Original poster
Dothetwist · 18/12/2015 20:07

I have attached a picture... It's to make a reindeer...along with a printed 4 page guide on how to make it (i do have an early years degree strangely enough!!!)

To think this is a disgusting thing to do??
OP posts:
Whatevva · 18/12/2015 20:08

I agree with the truth fairy too. The head teacher can always shove it in a (visible) school bin if s/he does not want to hand it back.

Having dealt with prolonged bullying and an ineffective school, I would say leave too. Even if they manage to smooth over one incident, they will be just as bad the next time, and the next time........... if they don't want to learn they won't.

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 18/12/2015 20:11

Can you imagine an adult wanting to bully a 5 year old? How fucking awful. Just a disgusting excuse for a human being. An abusive arsehole.

Please let her see this thread.

witsender · 18/12/2015 20:12

Absolute bitch. COmpletely and utterly mind boggling.

witsender · 18/12/2015 20:13

I would be taking her out asap tbh. What are the other kids like?