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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a disgusting thing to do??

129 replies

Dothetwist · 18/12/2015 19:00

My dd has been picked on in school on and off for the last year. She has been physically attacked a couple of times, each time i have been in to school they say the right thing but then it happens again

This year she is being singled out of a group, we know one of the parents through distant relatives we have a bad relationship with this has caused this particular mum to think she needs to bring dd into it.

In october dd was the only girl left out of a party..was told there was no room!
She gets left out of their group play dates, we brush it off and plan something for us to distract her

Well the bullying is getting bad, I've gone into school and got the relevant form to get her moved to another school and told them i will be writing to the governors and ofsted due to their inability to safeguard my daughter.

This particular mum is a queen bee type, always picking others up from the school for playdates and it the chair of the PTA. This afternoon this mum was in the classroom at pick up and rounded up the 9 other girls in dd's class as they are all going to her house for a christmas party.

Her dd then comes up to my dd with a bag of craft items and says... "here, my mum told me to give you this as you're not invited to my party" the mum then very loudly goes on about getting going.

Aibu to shove shit in this bag and put it through her letter box?

It seems so fucking spiteful Sad

OP posts:
JenniferYellowHat1980 · 18/12/2015 20:13

In fact, print the thread and put it in a Christmas card.

Thetruthfairy · 18/12/2015 20:14

I think the only person who can truly shame her at this stage is the head.
Don't do anything to make yourself look bad.
Show everyone her true colours.
I'm so sorry she has chosen to pick on your daughter xx

Original poster
Dothetwist · 18/12/2015 20:20

Does anyone know where i would stand on just taking her out and waiting for a space to come up?

OP posts:
JenniferYellowHat1980 · 18/12/2015 20:24

Can you home ed in the meantime?

maddening · 18/12/2015 20:27

I would be demanding that she is removed from the pta !

Original poster
Dothetwist · 18/12/2015 20:34

Jennifer unfortunately not due to work

OP posts:
bimandbam · 18/12/2015 20:34

I personally wouldn't take her out of school. I would kick up enough of a fuss to make sure mrs bullyingcuntychops couldn't even sneeze in my direction before being hauled into the heads office!

Escalate to the head, board of governors and the lea! And I bet you all the Christmas chocolate AND the two bottle of gin in my house that the minute you stand up to her all the other mums do too.

Have you read The Hive btw? Forget who it is by but is on kindle. Read it before you do anything else.

JenniferYellowHat1980 · 18/12/2015 20:35

I guess the EWO would become involved if you just took her out, but more fuel to the fire really - the school would have to act.

roaringfire · 18/12/2015 20:38

This is awful. What kind of low life choses to persecute a five year old child?? I would record every incident and inform the head and ofsted.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 18/12/2015 20:41

This isnt being picked on op. This is bullying and exclusion hence the birthday party. I seethe at children being left and their fucking arse hole clique starting parents advocating it.
The school are dismissing it. I'd be going to Ofsted and calling it a serious safe guarding issue.
Your poor dd.I fucking hate bullies.

frumpet · 18/12/2015 20:44

To be honest we would decline / not be able to attend anything we may be invited to by this particular mum, as i would be concerned about putting her amongst the wolves as such.

Sorry but has this person made invites before that you have declined due to family issues ? Or is it possible that she is aware what your feelings would be if your DD was invited ?

Just playing devils advocate

GigiB · 18/12/2015 20:45

Wow she is awful. Ultimately its a parent that seems to be the route of the problem. Sounds like you are doing everything right, if that helps at all, by going to the school, etc. As you are going through the process, i'd wouldn't bother with the note as it could be used by her in some way to manipulate the situation or just escalate everything.

So I would definitely keep trying to move schools, as you don't want to deal with this for the next 7 years

In the meantime:
Write to the governors giving the example above. Write separately to the head. Ask the school to run an anti bullying day. Even at 5 they talk about it. Ask for a note in the newletter/on the board (whatever school uses) to say that they are aware that there's bulling in the school and want parental support to resolve it.?
Bet other mums think she's pretty hateful on the qt. Did anyone witness the craft bag incident? I have never heard anything like it.
Talk enough in the playground to make it clear that it is your child that is the victim, and try to indirectly scare this woman into a corner to stop it in the short term.

I'm really sad to say, but sometimes these situations aren't worth it, it definitely worth starting your daughter somewhere new when you can.

arethereanyleftatall · 18/12/2015 20:46

I don't really get this tbh.
I get that some adults are bitchy enough to exclude just one child.
But I don't get the giving of the craft bag. I can't imagine an adult so blatantly being unkind to a child in full view. Could she have been trying to do something nice re the bag? (Btw, I'm not sure what, just all seems a bit odd, like this isn't the whole story).
Or maybe I'm just naive.

arethereanyleftatall · 18/12/2015 20:48

Cross posted with op saying she wouldn't go anyway.
So, maybe she knows this, and was trying to be nice with the bag, but her 5 yr old child delivered the message wrong?

frumpet · 18/12/2015 20:49

Sorry forgot to add , so if your DD was invited , you would have declined the invitation ?

Maudofallhopefulness · 18/12/2015 20:49

Give the craft items back, along with some Vaseline so she can shove them up her arse!

Your poor DD.

Moonriver1 · 18/12/2015 20:53

I was coming on to say what arethereany has said.

It was an extremely misguided attempt at 'doing the right thing' which has just made things worse.

It's clearly the going home present. She's said to her daughter, I think you should give X a bag as she's not coming to your party and it would be nice. The child has said 'this is as you're not invited to my party, my mum said to give it to you' to OP's daughter in a clumsy/childish/maybe mean way.

I am very sorry your child is being bullied. I believe you. I also think this woman is very stupid and up her own arse and couldn't see how this would make your child feel even more alienated, but I think the responses on here have been hysterical calling her a cunt and a witch etc.

OTiTO · 18/12/2015 20:53

You need to double check your DD wasn't invited. Maybe the queen bees DD didn't give the invite to your DD or perhaps she told her Mum that your DD couldn't come. maybe...

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 18/12/2015 20:54

Oh just read your initial op it greater detail and regarding you writing to Ofsted and the authorities about their lack of safe guarding. Good for you. Also while you're there tell them that the school has parents on the PTA that think it's okay to exclude a child. Ofsted are red hot on inclusion. Mind you. I'm teaching my grandmother to suck eggs here. You'll know all that.

Original poster
Dothetwist · 18/12/2015 21:12

Sorry, no, she has never been invited by this mum to anything. So she has no idea if we would go or not, we have been to a few other class parties dd has been invited to.

The party incident...

Dd came home and said all her other friends had an invite, the mum had told her dd to say there was no more room at the party but the dd said to my daughter that she cannot come because her mum said..

I did message the mum on this, where she told me there is no room.

I really honestly see no way this can be a misguided attempt at being nice, the dd's have grown up in the same circles for years and never has there been a nice attempt.

Since they've been in school together this type of behaviour has started.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dothetwist · 18/12/2015 21:14

otito she was definitely not invited, the bag was given as they were going to the party.. Surely if she was invited something would of been said

OP posts:
Janeymoo50 · 18/12/2015 21:16

5 years old, poor lamb and poor you, that's awful. I hope you both get a new start in 2016. Have a lovely Christmas both of you, you both deserve better.

Crazybaglady · 18/12/2015 21:16

Just in case you print the thread and post through her door:

Shes a cunt and i hope she chokes on her turkey

mommy2ash · 18/12/2015 21:22

How bad is this issue between you? There is a mum at my dad's school who did something horrible to me in the past not involving the kids bit I wouldn't invite her or her kids to anything I am arranging and equally neither would she. It's best to keep our distance from each other as too much water under the bridge. Any supposed invitation would be declined from either side.

mommy2ash · 18/12/2015 21:23

Dd's not dads obviously

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