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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not buy Christmas gifts for my kids' teachers?

82 replies

chainedtothedesk · 18/12/2015 09:39

I had intended to buy gifts but I have just ran out of time and now its the last day and for the first time I'm not going to buy them anything. I do like both my children's teachers and appreciate the work they do but when did it become the norm to buy them Christmas gifts? I saw the pile of presents from the other kids and I don't think it our gift will ever be missed...will it?

I have been telling myself that there are lots of people that work very hard and I'm not buying them gifts either... There are 29 other kids in my children's class - who needs more 30 mugs or 30 tins of chocolates?

OP posts:

ceebie · 18/12/2015 09:43

I'm hoping the same. Gifts get given very randomly. I managed to remember chocolates for the swimming teachers and nursery staff, but forgot the Rainbows leader and your post has just reminded me that I forgot to send in gifts for the teachers today. I won't be collecting from school so it's too late now!

ceebie · 18/12/2015 09:44

She did make cards for the teachers earlier in the week, so hopefully that effort will be appreciated.

SewingAndCakes · 18/12/2015 09:45

I've left it to my kids to decide whether they want to give anything. Ds2 has made something from Fimo for his teacher, ds1 has written cards for his teacher and ta.

BathshebaDarkstone · 18/12/2015 09:47

I forgot because there's so much else to organise for the last week of school, and then DD was sick and has just gone back.

seaweedhead · 18/12/2015 09:48

Even if they notice I'm sure they won't mind. Teacher's surely understand how busy parents are at this time of year- and that money is tight for some of us.
One of the school mums organised a collection this year to get dc's teacher a gift voucher. I'm glad she did, otherwise it wouldn't have crossed my mind at all.

FlibbertigibbetArmadillo · 18/12/2015 09:49

I lived with a teacher and I always looked forward to the huge amount of chocolate and wine she would bring home after the last day of term so I want to say YABU
However thinking back it was quite excessive and a lot of it went to waste so actually I think it is fine!

Original poster

chainedtothedesk · 18/12/2015 09:53

I need to be honest here...although I forgot to buy something especially for them, I think I could have put my hands on something suitable, a bottle of something or whatever, but really I have started to resent the whole giving gifts for the sake of it. I don't want to feel obliged to have to give something to someone. I want to give to people that aren't expected it. Does that make sense? I just feel that my gift would be lost in the pile of other presents.

OP posts:

Original poster

chainedtothedesk · 18/12/2015 09:56

FlibbertigibbetArmadillo did she notice who the gifts were even from?

My cousin is a teacher and on several occasions she has ended up passing on gifts she has received to other people. This just makes me a bit cross. She has received so much that she has passed it on to someone else. So what's the point?!

OP posts:

noeffingidea · 18/12/2015 09:56

No, I've never bought gifts for my kid's teachers.
My mum was a teacher, and she used to get gifts from her 'kids'. While it was a lovely thought , they were very generic and she would have preferred the parrents to have spent the money on their own families. I felt the same when I was a nurse. We used to get lots of chocolates bought for us, but really, just saying 'thankyou' is all that's needed.

Seeline · 18/12/2015 09:57

At my DCs primary we always had a class collection for Christmas and end of year to cover teacher and TAs. I have never bought my own gifts for teachers. I too resent it slightly - do you buy gifts for everyone for just doing their job?!

BastardGoDarkly · 18/12/2015 09:58

I haven't either. It only occurred to me when I saw a thread on here, and now I've run out of time and money.

I do agree though, how many chocolates can they eat??! Dcs gave cards, I think that's enough tbh.

teacherwith2kids · 18/12/2015 10:00

Cards are fabulous, presents unnecessary, and I always feel really uncomfortable about them.

imwithspud · 18/12/2015 10:01

I didn't get dd's pre-school key worker anything. I was intending to but it honestly slipped my mind. I did a card for her a week or so ago though.

I feel kind of bad, especially as dd came home with two presents from 'santa' after her Christmas party yesterday, but I'm sure she won't mind.

DisappointedOne · 18/12/2015 10:06

I don't buy teacher gifts at Xmas. I ask the teacher if there are any resources they'd like for the classroom and then organise a collection amongst the parents to get that. Saves parents money, saves teachers getting a load of tat they don't want/like and the children benefit from having things the school budget can't provide. Everyone prefers this arrangement.

Other teachers want similar for their classes but aren't sure how to do it without appearing ungrateful. It's a small school (250 pupils) and there were at least 25 of those huge tubs of chocolates and biscuits in the staff room yesterday that had been given as gifts but weren't ever going to be eaten by the staff! They were shipped off to a homeless shelter last night.

DisappointedOne · 18/12/2015 10:09

My mum was a teacher, and she used to get gifts from her 'kids'. While it was a lovely thought , they were very generic and she would have preferred the parrents to have spent the money on their own families.

Mine too. She stopped teaching around 20 years ago (went into management). They're in the process of moving and dad has found boxes and boxes of "world's best teacher" mugs, badges, medals etc that mum didn't want but didn't want to get rid of. There are over 200 mugs. . She never wanted gifts - seeing the kids flourish (SN) was enough for her.

reni2 · 18/12/2015 10:12

They made cards and gave chocolates. I always wonder if teachers live of chocolates and champagne alone all of January. Amazingly, ours are all really slim.

swashbucklecheer · 18/12/2015 10:13

Being a teacher on the receiving end of lots of Christmas presents I wouldn't worry about not giving a gift. I in no way want to sound ungrateful because I really am not but most parents have more important things to worry about at this time of year than picking up a box of chocolates or bottle of wine for the teacher. Anyway I'm sure the teacher's waistline will appreciate a card much more!

FrChewieLouie · 18/12/2015 10:15

Yeah, I didn't get round to it this year either - first time in 8 years. I don't feel too bad about it - I'll get them something nice in July instead. Much less dashing around and having to remember things then!

SheHasAWildHeart · 18/12/2015 10:16

I re-gifted a candle that my line manager brought me to DD's private tutor. Class teacher got a card - I usually just buy presents for teacher and TA at the end of the academic year.

TeaFathers · 18/12/2015 10:17

YANBU. i don't know where this idea of buying gifts for teachers started, but its daft and unnecessary.

SheHasAWildHeart · 18/12/2015 10:17

Having worked as a teacher the nicest thing I remember was on my last day before I left a job, my SEN class asked the TA if they could organise a surprise party for me. They brought their own food, decorated the room, made me loads of cards, chose a playlist of music - and it was such a lovely afternoon!

vladthedisorganised · 18/12/2015 10:18

I quite like the idea of gifts going to a homeless shelter TBH.

What I never really get is where the line is drawn. There might be a collection for the teachers but none for the TAs: DD has 2 teachers and 2 TAs so there's a minimum of 2 presents anyway plus the suggested tenner in the collection for the teachers.

Then there is the music teacher that DD loves and really wants to give something to - she does a massive amount with the school, DD loves her lessons and I don't begrudge that.

Then the teacher who takes the 'additional support' lessons for DD - well, of course I ought to get something for her, she's helped DD a lot after all and..

Then the office staff! Most parents appear to be getting something for them, so should I get them something too?

Then the crossing guard! Again most parents get something for the crossing guard, and we do use that crossing sometimes so it would look bad if I didn't...

And it seems a shame to forget the poor lunchtime controllers who, again, get lots of lovely homemade cakes from the parents...

By the time I've finished the list of possible school/ teacher presents to get, I've bought more for the school than for my own family.

hufflebottom · 18/12/2015 10:26

I haven't. There's 1 teacher and 3 TAs for dd's class. Then she'd want to get one for her rainbow leader and young leader. And she wants to get some for her friends. It gets expensive.

I'm likely to get the teachers something at the end of the year. More as a 'Thank you for putting up with dd and her classmates this year you really deserve a medal'

Original poster

chainedtothedesk · 18/12/2015 10:28

Oh thank you! Beginning to feel much better now about the whole thing! I am not the only one!

Completely agree that it is difficult to draw the line. I've noticed people buying presents for the Head teacher too. Surely if we all did that it would be ridiculous!! There are over 400 kids at our school, even if half of them were siblings that's still an incredible number of gifts.

OP posts:

DisappointedOne · 18/12/2015 10:31

I quite like the idea of gifts going to a homeless shelter TBH

Me too. But the teachers feel bad because the parents/children didn't give them with that expectation. The staff don't do gifts either - they make up shoeboxes for the homeless charity. They genuinely don't want more stuff for themselves but don't know how to tell parents. I'm attempting a bit of a revolution.

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