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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not buy Christmas gifts for my kids' teachers?

82 replies

chainedtothedesk · 18/12/2015 09:39

I had intended to buy gifts but I have just ran out of time and now its the last day and for the first time I'm not going to buy them anything. I do like both my children's teachers and appreciate the work they do but when did it become the norm to buy them Christmas gifts? I saw the pile of presents from the other kids and I don't think it our gift will ever be missed...will it?

I have been telling myself that there are lots of people that work very hard and I'm not buying them gifts either... There are 29 other kids in my children's class - who needs more 30 mugs or 30 tins of chocolates?

OP posts:

Kr1stina · 18/12/2015 10:36

I must be the odd one out because I enjoy giving gifts for my children's teachers . I usually give plants in pots - this Christmas its cyclamen in planters , last year it was baskets of hyacinth bulbs .

In the summer I give outdoor planters that will last for months , as long as they are watered ( I put slow release feeding tablets in them ) . And yes I check that the teacher has a garden or balcony .

I get a handwritten thank you card each year too ( whic is unecessary but kind ) . And the children also receive gifts from the teachers .

I think some of you sound a bit grumpy . Class teachers play a much bigger part in my childrens lives than some relatives they see a few times a year, ,and we want to show our appreciation for everything they do for our children . Our children being happy in school makes a huge contribution to our happiness as a family .

MackerelOfFact · 18/12/2015 10:49

Although teachers obviously appreciate the gifts, I'm sure most would be happier with a card with a heartfelt message of thanks.

My mum is a teacher and when I go to see her at Xmas, it's the scrappy little handmade cards from the children with sweet (and sometimes hilarious!) little messages written by them that she puts out and proudly shows to people. The wine, chocolates, etc are appreciated but she has those anyway.

Defiant · 18/12/2015 10:58

I don't think it's unreasonable at all. I like giving the teachers gifts but it can get very expensive and kind of stressful trying to think of something! So this year I did a charity gift (train a teacher and educate a child) and supplies for the classroom (crafty bits and gardening supplies) and they seemed to appreciate it.

MsMims · 18/12/2015 11:14

If you don't want to buy anything then don't, it's not obligatory.

Personally, I've always enjoyed giving presents to people who have contributed to my education in a positive way. I've followed the same method through school, college and then uni. It's an act of kindness and a show of appreciation. Not a fan of the generic 'worlds best teacher' tat so usually buy flowers if I can't think of anything they'd personally like.

midnightsunshine · 18/12/2015 11:43

My mum's a teacher (year2). The things she likes best at Xmas are the little token presents eg small box of chocolates, a plant, a box of biscuits, a bottle of inexpensive bubble bath, a pretty bookmark, that sort of thing. She always notices which children give a present as she writes thank you cards. She's less impressed with big 'showy' presents. It's the thought that counts, it symbolises appreciation of all the hard work she's put in with the child.

I would always get the teacher a present at Xmas, unless I didn't think they were doing a good job.

Knockmesideways · 18/12/2015 11:52

I've never bought the teacher a present at Christmas but I do ask DS to make a card for him or her - same with the TA.

I do make homemade biscuits and put them in a pretty jar (which DS chooses) for both teacher and TA, or DS will paint a mug or something at the end of the summer term as a Thank You for the whole year and DS puts a nice homemade label on it.

HackerFucker22 · 18/12/2015 12:02

DC1 only stated pre school 5 weeks ago but he has settled in amazingly, due in part to the staff so I made an effort to get them all something, more to show my appreciation really.

stopfaffing · 18/12/2015 12:07

I value greatly a card written to me by child or parent saying they appreciate what I've done for them. I keep them all. Presents are not expected or necessary imo.

kaitlinktm · 18/12/2015 12:12

This doesn't seem to happen in secondary - where I worked until I retired (mostly) - and I was grateful. I would have felt awkward receiving presents anyway, but especially at a time of year when most families' budgets are stretched. I used to like receiving cards though - we had a little competition as to who got the most.

DonkeyOaty · 18/12/2015 12:13

I never did. I did however send in a notecard during each school year highlighting a particularly good teaching experience for the teacher to put in their portfolio. #ofstedlovesfeedback

rubyflipper · 18/12/2015 12:16

YANBU. It just becomes daft. My DS has one teacher for four days a week, and another on Fridays. Plus two teaching assistants.
DD has one teacher, a nursery nurse and a TA.

I am not buying seven additional presents.

neverputasockinatoaster · 18/12/2015 12:19

I tend to buy a box of chocolates for the staffroom but I send it in at the start of the final week.
This year and last year my two asked if they could do presents for their teachers so we got coasters from Baker Ross and they deocrated those.

I used to be a teacher and was always a but guilty but pleasantly suprised by gifts I got. My favourites were the ones that showed the child or parent knew me well. One year a child used scoobies to wrap a red and a black pen so i would always have the right colours for the register. Another child gave me a huge glue stick and post it notes and another a personalised pen for marking as my PPA cover was always running off with mine.

This year i have done 4 days supply with the same class and was genuinely touched to be given some gifts by them. One child had made biscuits with her mum, another had done Christmas tree decoarations.

I give gifts to people I want to give gifts to. I refuse to feel an obligation to give gifts. The teachers deserve a wee treat in my mind, hence the chocolates. The other gifts were from my children, they chose to make and give them.

NoSquirrels · 18/12/2015 12:27

I don't do individual teacher gifts - as PPs have said, there are TAs, there are lunchtime supervisors, there's the HT who takes some classes, there's the office staff - I can't do a box of chocolates for all of them! So I give a gift "for the staffroom" and a card saying it's for all of them in appreciation, hope everyone gets a biscuit with their cuppa and that's that. I hand it in via the office.
DC make a card for their teachers and TAs. I did raise an eyebrow at the amount of gifts being taken in today. It makes me feel awkward on behalf of kids who might like to join in with it but can't for whatever reason. I don;t know, it's just ... it feels like giving for giving's sake.

0christmastree5 · 18/12/2015 12:29

My inlaws are mostly teachers, they give away a lot of their gifts. Wrong wine, wrong chocolates, enough pens and mugs. Yanbu.

coffeeisnectar · 18/12/2015 12:36

Dd took a slice of chocolate cake to school for her teacher today. Apparently her desk is piled high with boxes and tins of sweets and chocolate.

I will be doing a lovely card and gift at the end of the school year but hope she likes her cake today. Dd has made her a card which is enough.

Original poster

chainedtothedesk · 18/12/2015 12:37

I do appreciate the work teachers do. I really do. And I give them a gift at the end of the academic year but today I have just found myself questioning the point of all these Christmas gifts? Of course we are not obliged to do it, but if everyone does something it becomes the norm. I appreciate the bin men that take my rubbish and I appreciate the post man that delivers my post in all kinds of weather, I appreciate the cleaners that clean the school that my kids go to etc. etc. but I can't buy them all a box of chocolates! All of these people are doing their jobs, just like my children's teachers.

OP posts:

parrotonmyshoulder · 18/12/2015 12:43

My DD has, fortunately, taken it upon herself to deal with this. My suggestions were rejected when she was in reception so she does it all herself. She's year 2 now. This year, her teachers (+ TAs and assorted adults in school and breakfast club) have been graced with a 'chatterbox' each (those folded paper thingies) in which she has written 'jokes' and interesting facts that she thinks each person will like.

Last year she gave them all a pine cone!

I still have a little decorated box on my dressing table that I was given at Christmas from a boy in my teaching practice class, 20 years ago!

HelloDoris · 18/12/2015 12:45

I sent in a little bag with a teeny tiny pot of honey (from our bees) and a couple of handmade beeswax candles. We only have one teacher and one TA. Cost about £1.50 each all in. Hope they like it!

Ashvis · 18/12/2015 12:46

When I was teaching, I had a year where I brought home 15 boxes of chocolates. I kid you not. 15. And while I really, really appreciated the thought, there's no way anyone needs that. Extended relatives usually benefitted from my job, and dh was always excited to see what I brought home. I did know which pupil gave me what, and always wrote a thank you note, but I never thought any less of anyone who didn't give a gift or a card either at Christmas or the end of the year. I haven't bought anything for ds' nursery staff as I'm fully aware they will more than likely have enough and I've been run off my feet, though I may buy some wine for them at the end of the school year (they will deserve it, I've no doubt!)

OhMrBadger · 18/12/2015 12:50

I've totally forgotten this year. On the way into school today we passed a parent heading the same way staggering under the weight of a Santa sack. Surely they weren't all for the teachers???

Bufra · 18/12/2015 12:52

I put a big box of chocolate biscuits with a card from dd in the staff room earlier in December.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 18/12/2015 12:55

Ynbu but the thing to consider is and I'm not wanting to pressure you but will your children not feel left out if all their class mates are doleing out presents and they're not. Children will feel just as out of place being left out of giving as much a receiving.

pottingshed · 18/12/2015 12:58

I usually buy gifts for my DDs teachers but only as she goes to a special school and so their relationship is more individual and the work is more specialised. And class sizes are only 6 or less so they wouldn't end up with piles of chocolates. But this year they've not been so great and there have been lots of staffing changes so I haven't even bothered with cards.

DisappointedOne · 18/12/2015 13:23

Ynbu but the thing to consider is and I'm not wanting to pressure you but will your children not feel left out if all their class mates are doleing out presents and they're not.

I hate this attitude. Just because you do wants, doesn't mean I will just so DD doesn't feel left out. Just because you take yours to McDonalds and let them drink coke doesn't mean I will just so DD doesn't feel left out.Just because others buy gifts for the sake of it (and it's often just as much for kids and family as teachers and postmen) doesn't mean I will just so DD doesn't feel left out.

We focus on kindness during December. Kindness doesn't have to mean gifts.

DisappointedOne · 18/12/2015 13:24

*something, not wants

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