Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not buy Christmas gifts for my kids' teachers?

82 replies

chainedtothedesk · 18/12/2015 09:39

I had intended to buy gifts but I have just ran out of time and now its the last day and for the first time I'm not going to buy them anything. I do like both my children's teachers and appreciate the work they do but when did it become the norm to buy them Christmas gifts? I saw the pile of presents from the other kids and I don't think it our gift will ever be missed...will it?

I have been telling myself that there are lots of people that work very hard and I'm not buying them gifts either... There are 29 other kids in my children's class - who needs more 30 mugs or 30 tins of chocolates?

OP posts:
5Hearts · 18/12/2015 14:29

I've never bought a teacher a Christmas present but give end of academic year gifts to primary teachers that are more generous.
The DC give a Christmas card if they wish - and at the end of the academic year I encourage them to write a letter/card of thanks.
I'm not a big fan of Christmas cards and excessive Christmas gift giving (and Christmas gifts for teachers and TAs definitely falls into that category) - for me it makes the season too stressful/tick box.

jamhot · 18/12/2015 15:00

My dad is a retired teacher. Every Christmas there was loads of chocolate in the fridge. I still can't eat terry's chocolate oranges, after eights or ferrero rochers. I've already had a lifetime's worth.

All those "world's best teacher" mugs, coasters, key rings etc are tacky, impersonal tat. How many of those does one person need?

I second homemade cards. Much more thoughtful. Smile

Floggingmolly · 18/12/2015 15:08

I agree with lighthouse, actually. Much as I hate being a sheep, I sometimes find myself doing things I wouldn't otherwise rather than making my kids the odd ones out.
Not things I don't agree with in the first place, mind; just things I wouldn't ordinarily do if it was down to me alone.

DisappointedOne · 18/12/2015 15:12

Well, last year there were about 15 of the class of 34 whose parents contributed to the class gift rather than buy individual gifts for teaching staff (there were 7 staff in the class). This year around 24 of the class of 36 whose parents contributed. So DD is not "the odd one out" as my little revolution is taking shape. Grin

coffeeisnectar · 18/12/2015 15:24

Dd has,come home and the tub with the cake in was empty. I asked if her teacher liked it and she said teacher was off today at a hospital appointment so I ate it :p. I will send something in after Xmas.

Floggingmolly · 18/12/2015 15:31

No, that's great, Disappointed Grin. I'd no problem with those ratios at all.

GinIsTheBestChristmasSpirit · 18/12/2015 15:34

I never do it. My kids have yet to suffer any consequences in 7 years...

switswoo81 · 18/12/2015 15:43

As a teacher I feel very uncomfortable with presents.we sent out a request a couple of years ago for no presents but some of the parents said they preferred to have the choice themselves. I hate trying to thank kids without making a big deal. Always donate chocs etc to Vincent de Paul society. ( they make hampers for families in need)

SummerNights1986 · 18/12/2015 15:53

We always buy the teachers a present, but the poor buggers must be drowning in chocolates, mugs, candles and smellies so I always try and get something a bit different.

Thinking of the last few years worth of gifts (Xmas and Summer), there have been thick winter scarfs, home made jam, pyjamas, a nail art tool kit, earrings etc.

I point blank refuse to buy anything edible or a candle because it's what everyone gets.

insan1tyscartching · 18/12/2015 16:06

I sent in a box of M&S biscuits for dd's TA and card. I know she has two young boys who will help her eat them if she takes them home, if not I'm sure they'll get eaten in the staff room anyway. Dd usually makes a gift but she didn't want to this year the biscuite were an easy option tbh.

Goldenhandshake · 18/12/2015 16:10

YANBU, I got some nice chocolate biscuits for the TA's and a lovely little candle with a thank you to my teacher poem and some lindt chocolates for her actual teacher, but only because she is exceptionally good and DD has come on leaps and bounds since being in her class. I don't feel obliged to and she certainly doesn't expect it, she gives thank you cards to those students who do give her gfts too which is lovely and DD was over the moon.

yorkshapudding · 18/12/2015 16:12

My DC isn't school age yet so forgive my ignorance but I'm quite surprised that Teachers are allowed to accept presents. I work with children and families (NHS) and we aren't allowed to, although I get a lot of cards which is lovely as the kids tend to write very sweet/hilarious messages that are nice to look back on. Boxes of chocs, biscuits etc are ok as long as it's made clear that they will be kept in the office and shared amongst the team but some of the gifts I've seen mentioned here (clothing, nice toiletries, jewellery) would be considered really inappropriate and we would have to politely decline. Makes me wonder if some Teachers might feel a bit uncomfortable about the whole thing.

DisappointedOne · 18/12/2015 16:21

Pyjamas???????!!!!!!!!!

Serendipitystardust1 · 18/12/2015 16:22

I agree with Kr1stina and is why I bought presents for DD's teacher and TA's. She started school in September and has been so happy there, this is no small part due to the staff who she sees and interacts with on an almost daily basis. I didn't feel obliged to buy presents but genuinely wanted to say thank you.

Kr1stina · 18/12/2015 16:24

I must admit that pyjamas, clothing and jewellery seem rather personal (not in a good way ) gifts . Except perhaps for gloves or a scarf, but nice ones would be WAY over my budget . And I wouldn't know what colours to get or what styles .

OTOH I think handmade gifts ( made by the child ) or homemade cakes / jam/ honey are lovely .

I'd never buy chocolates or toiletries ( as they get too many ) but if I'm short of inspiration I do buy wine ( I always check which type ) .

RubbleBubble00 · 18/12/2015 16:43

give a new years gift, even just a note or a new year card saying how much you appreciate their efforts with children. I think it's more important that teacher knows they are valued

SummerNights1986 · 18/12/2015 16:45

I must admit that pyjamas, clothing and jewellery seem rather personal (not in a good way ) gifts

I kind of used to think that and the first couple of years ds1 was in school we did the chocolates/candle/smellies set.

And then one year I had to go into ds1's class on the last day of school and caught a glimpse of the table behind the teachers desk and it was FULL of candles, chocolates and smellies gift sets.

It made me think - I think, generally, it's easy for us as parents to forget that the teachers are actually normal people. To most, they're just Mrs Jones who's on the class door every morning that you say hello to - and it's easy to forget that actually Mrs Jones is called Sarah, and she has kids of her own and friends that she goes out with, and sometimes gets drunk and enjoys dancing...or whatever. Mrs Jones is just a person.

All my kids teachers so far have been women in the 25-40 age bracket. Kind of the same as the majority of my team in work. And if I were buying a Secret Santa for a team member in work, I would never give chocolates or a candle or a boots smellies set - because it's so impersonal, it's so dutiful and smacks of 'I had to buy you something so I grabbed this as I couldn't think of anything better'.

If I were buying for a secret santa in work, I would buy earrings, if i'd noticed that she wore earrings daily. I would buy a scarf if i'd seen her arriving in the morning and taking her scarf off. I would buy pajamas if she'd made a random jokey comment on children in need day that she didn't have any matching PJ sets so never mind, she'd make sure she had some next year though (which is what happened with the teacher last year!)

So why not for a teacher? Rather than buying chocolates for Mrs Jones, buy a £5 gift for 34 year old Sarah, who works full time and has three kids and seems to enjoy doing her nails and wearing different earrings and has a lack of PJs.

DisappointedOne · 18/12/2015 16:55

I wouldn't buy my own sister pyjamas.

SummerNights1986 · 18/12/2015 16:59

Why on earth not? They're PJ's, not racy lingerie!

Sallystyle · 18/12/2015 17:04

I done nothing.

Just wished them Happy Christmas.

DisappointedOne · 18/12/2015 17:16

Because I'm very fussy about my nightwear, and I know my sister is too. Both being above a J cup means there's a lot we can't wear. My husband of 11+ years wouldn't attempt to buy nightwear for me, and he's fussy too so I wouldn't buy nightwear for anyone.

BondJayneBond · 18/12/2015 17:18

I forgot all about presents until I saw some of the other kids walking into the playground with gift bags.

We did do Christmas cards for the teacher and TAs though.

nippiesweetie · 18/12/2015 17:24

Teacher, here. I'm doing my job and I don't expect presents. A card, especially homemade, is great.

I have pondered suggesting that the parents who want to make a donation so something nice could be bought for the classroom - a marble run or materials for a special art project - but that sounds too much like something is expected. It also sounds a bit bossy and organising and, though you might not believe it, teachers sometimes try to guard against that.

ghnocci · 18/12/2015 17:25

I think if I were a teacher and I were given pyjamas I would think the parent was barmy. Sorry.

justwondering72 · 18/12/2015 17:31

Like some pps, my mum was a teacher and every year the house would be bursting with chocolates, mugs, toiletries etc. Nice gesture but totally unnecessary. She liked anything handmade by a child, but anything else was rapidly passed on to charity shops or chocolate loving