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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To msg a school Mum I don't know

415 replies

Hackedabove · 18/12/2015 06:27

Regarding her posting a video of the school carol service on FB?

She has tagged in one of my friends so it's come up on my news feed. I'm shocked as it shows loads of them. Probably can't see mine but only because they were hidden.

I was thinking a gentle do you know it's totally unacceptable?

Or email the class rep so a blanket email goes out to all classes via the class reps?

Or contact the school and let them deal with it?

OP posts:
MrsDeVere · 18/12/2015 16:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PopcornFrenzy · 18/12/2015 16:09

Obviously you have never feared for your life, my mother left with us 3 children in the dead of night with nothing but the clothes on our backs. My father was evil and would have beat her to death had he found us then probably would have turned his attention to us children.

The threat is very real and as a teacher in training you should know this, during safeguarding training to you tut and think it's a load of nonsense?

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 18/12/2015 16:10

I envy your naivety Tali I really do.

MrsDeVere · 18/12/2015 16:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BogusCatAndThePunk · 18/12/2015 16:12

If it were a common occurrence many more cases would have happened.

How do you know, after all there's hardly a newscast each and every time an abused family have to up and leave in the middle on the night.

How many women have been killed this year by their ex partners? You only just about hear about the ones that are local to you. And even then who asks how were they found?

You clearly have not a fucking clue what you're talking about and each post you add makes that clearer and clearer

PhoenixReisling · 18/12/2015 16:13

tali

Your ignorance once again astounds me well it doesn't really as you have clearly demonstrated in each and everyone of your posts, how inconsiderate and goady you truly are Hmm.

You don't understand about safety concerns, if you did then you would wouldn't make statements like:

1) it's unlikely
2) shall we stop doing everything because of an obscure risk? That's letting them win
3) those parents who object to it should voice that rather than expect everyone to not share it JUST IN CASE
4) if you are concerned for safety perhaps the police need to be involved

Firstly, it is likely Pp on this thread have demonstrated how easy it is to put a child in danger, because of one picture. Secondly, it's not about winning its about keeping children safe. Thirdly, why should I voice why to other parents? It's none of their business and also the less anyone knows of sensitive info the better. Fourthly, often police/social services are already involved (or have been).

3littlebadgers · 18/12/2015 16:14

My friend has an order to prevent her ex coming anywhere near them. He still manages to track them down though. Did anyone see that programme the other night on bbc2 about all the women who had been murdered by abusive partners in one year alone. Many of them had these orders too they still got murdered.

You really need to grasp how serious this is Tali if you work with children.

StarkyTheDirewolf · 18/12/2015 16:17

Tali as a TA, I had to do a 3 day course on child safeguarding. It was whole school (all staff). If you are working in education/work with children in any capacity, you should have done a course. If not, I think it would be helpful to you do do one.

DisappointedOne · 18/12/2015 16:18

Tali

When people post on FB they are sharing those photos with THE WORLD, not just their families. There are other options for showing photos to friends and family that don't involve the whole world. And why do these people need to see the kids in school activities anyway? Most schools employ a photographer to take pictures in uniform once or twice a year. I spent 3 days taking and editing photos of children in nativity costumes at DD's school individually (for free) in the hope that fewer group photos would be taken mid-performance. I also filmed the dress rehearsal in the hope that parents would just sit and enjoy the performance rather than trying to capture it themselves the arrogant bastards still watched the whole thing through iPads but hey, I tried.

It boils down to "just because we can doesn't mean we should". Hmm

MiddleAgeMiddleEngland · 18/12/2015 16:30

An acquaintance of mine is a foster parent. She has had to prevent her infant school age foster child from being in the nativity this year, the first year the child has been in a stable family and regularly at school in their short lifetime.

The reason is that although the school have a "no social media" rule, they also know they cannot trust some parents to follow the rule. The foster child's life would be in danger if they were found by the birth family so cannot appear on any social media at all.

How sad is that? How on earth do you explain to a child? The child could not even be there with a mask or costume covering their face (eg donkey) in case their name was mentioned.

Anyone who thinks this is "precious" is ignorant, uncaring and plain stupid.

I personally don't think any child should have their photo on fb until they are old enough to give informed consent. If granny needs to have a photo, and of course she will want one, just print them off and pop them in the post. This system has worked for over a century. We do not own our children, we do not own the right to plaster their lives across badly policed and insecure social networks, we certainly don't own the right to endanger other people's children.

nortonhouse · 18/12/2015 16:31

Tali's world is obviously tiny, and her life experience is obviously very limited. Please ignore her and don't let her goad you into explaining what most of us know and understand - you are getting nowhere.

Chipsahoy · 18/12/2015 16:39

To all those who think it's no big deal. My children has to be excluded from many things because other parents won't listen to the headteacher and continue to post videos on Facebook, listing the names.of the kids and or tagging people.
My life could be at risk if this happened to my children.

Why don't people get that there are many, many women who have fled awful situations?

It's the usual " I'm alright, Jack" attitude.

Original poster
Hackedabove · 18/12/2015 16:42

Email response, they are going to look into it.

OP posts:
TaliZorah · 18/12/2015 16:44

Lol @ people insulting me. Never have I met a forum as precious, overbearing and ridiculous as this one.

Everyone's being tracked down by a malicious individual who will of course find the one obscure picture and unearth their location and murder the entire town therefore no one can share photos of their children.

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 18/12/2015 16:47

Never have I met a forum as precious, overbearing and ridiculous as this one.

Off you fuck then. Smile

GloriaSmellens · 18/12/2015 16:50

Oh look, TaliZorah'is writing controversial, goady posts.

TaliZorah · 18/12/2015 16:50

Can post wherever I want m'love.

M

TaliZorah · 18/12/2015 16:51

How was what I said controversial or goady? I have a different opinion I wasn't rude.

RB68 · 18/12/2015 16:55

Its about levels of risk - one incidence of a child endangered, hurt etc is one too many - parents cannot be trusted to respect this so there is a blanket not acceptable, people get upset and annoyed - how upset and annoyed wld you be if it was your child to be effected.

Its the first year we have had no photos or videos - there was uproar but we can't know the reasons behind that as everyone always want to know which child blah and it puts more at risk. With photos and video from school the control is there. Our profits from DVDs goes to the kids through the friends of the school - there was even a suggestion it should be charity not school - it is a bloody charity. Sometimes you just have to toe the line. My photos and vids were always rubbish anyway so not bothered

MrsDeVere · 18/12/2015 16:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

teacherwith2kids · 18/12/2015 16:59

Tali,

Over 1 million women a year in the Uk suffer domestic abuse.

70,000 children are in foster care at present.

About 5,000 children are adopted each year.

There are about 16-17,000 primary schools in the UK.

Statistically, therefore (and this absolutely matches my professional experience) it is likely that EVERY school contains at least 1 child who is fostered or adopted, and some whose main parent / carer has been the victim of domestic violence.

GloriaSmellens · 18/12/2015 16:59

Let's just say you have 'form'.

Are you really training to be a teacher? Like you, I was lucky enough to lead an incredibly sheltered life. A few years of teaching (and I work in the very definition of 'leafy suburban school') has really opened my eyes to the unutterable shit that some children live with daily.

Hopefully, your eyes will be opened too and you.will come to totally.cringe at the absolute arsebollocks you are writing on this thread.

That is, of course, if you are for real.

TaliZorah · 18/12/2015 17:00

I don't personally think it's rude to disagree with something. It's my opinion that people today are overly paranoid.

Yes, I worked as a TA. And before someone says don't you do safeguarding yes I do, however I think it's very melodramatic. It's my opinion that society today is fearful and it's unfair to kids to wrap them in cotton wool.

Don't see how that's rude

TaliZorah · 18/12/2015 17:02

I don't lead an incredibly sheltered life actually, I've had more shit than a lot of people and been exposed to some pretty nasty things growing up so piss off with that

MrsDeVere · 18/12/2015 17:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.