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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mother wants to bring a chicken to my vegetarian Christmas dinner

807 replies

queenofthepirates · 17/12/2015 20:41

That's kind of it in a nutshell. We've invited 10 people over for Christmas dinner including my mother. We're veggies and I've put together a lovely Scandi veggie menu. She's told me she's bringing a chicken and I've said please don't. Firstly because we're veggie and I don't really want a dead bird on the table and secondly I can't see why she can't last a few hours without meat.

My relationship with her is very strained this year, she's been pretty horrible to me and I'm getting to the end of my tether.

AIBU to tell her not to bring meat or stay at home? She could always come over after lunch if she's going to insist.

OP posts:

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5Foot5 · 17/12/2015 23:57

When you go to your mother's for a meal does she cook you a vegetarian meal? And if not do you take your own food?

Baconyum · 17/12/2015 23:57

Agree with ouryve. I was raised omnivore but never liked the smell taste or texture of meat. In addition when I did go veggie (for ethical as well as preference reasons) I found that my IBS improved massively so suspect my body can't tolerate it.

Xmasbaby11 · 18/12/2015 00:05

I don't think you should control what she eats. Let her bring the chicken!

tillytown · 18/12/2015 00:08

I just read your menu, it sounds lovely, can I come too?

Bogeyface · 18/12/2015 00:09

TBH, I'm tired of being screamed at by my mother, she's been unkind to me for a long time and I'm putting my foot down over this meal.

Then why invite her?

And why make a thread about Xmas lunch when it is clearly not about that at all?

You want to make a point to her about the way she has behaved to you and you are using xmas lunch to do that. Instead it would be better if you just either accepted that she wants chicken and let her have it with her lunch (asking her to serve up in the kitchen) or suggesting that you have your main meals separately and that she comes for tea.

I cant help thinking that you are being as bad about this as she is.

roaringfire · 18/12/2015 00:15

yabu. why do meat eaters have to eat vegetarian food? You can't / won't accommodate her need for meat. Meat eaters always provide a meat free option to vegetarians. Just tell her to bring it ready cooked and get off your high horse.

HowBadIsThisPlease · 18/12/2015 00:21

This isn't about the chicken. It's about everything else. you have basically admitted it. use the chicken if you want but be clear in your own head what you are pissed off about and what you want the outcome to be.

Oakmaiden · 18/12/2015 00:26

Shouldn't a host make sure they are serving something that their guests want to eat?

MadeMan · 18/12/2015 00:31

"Mother wants to bring a chicken to my vegetarian Christmas dinner"

Stick a deckchair up her nose.

Bogeyface · 18/12/2015 00:33

Shouldn't a host make sure they are serving something that their guests want to eat?

No. Veggies get to dictate, everyone else gets to do as they are told

AndNowItsSeven · 18/12/2015 00:33

Yabu and rude. The chicken does not need to go into the table other than a few slices on her plate. You do not need to touch the bird. Nobody is making you eat it.

Bogeyface · 18/12/2015 00:37

And before I get a bollocking, I should say that my best friend is veggie and when she is doing a dinner she will make a point of asking her meat eating friends to bring a meat dish. Guests gets a choice of what to eat and she doesnt have to cook or handle meat, everyone is happy.

In this instance, she would not have a problem at all and she is a proper "meat is murder" veggie. When she and her friend went out as teens and her friend did drugs, my friend was only bothered about the bacon sandwich her friend ate later. The cocaine and speed were not an issue!

ZenNudist · 18/12/2015 00:37

I get it, you don't like her. Just let her bring the damn chicken and quit bitching.

I wouldn't eat your meal, but I'm fussy. I try to like veggie food but often I find it unsatisfying. If I have veggie friends over I try and cater for them. I'd be mortified to have a guest unhappy.

As for your crappy relationship with your mum, you said she screams at you and you sound really precious and difficult. I guess you just need to work out how much family matters to you and how much obligation you feel towards her.

PrincessFiorimonde · 18/12/2015 00:41

My relationship with her [my mother] is very strained this year, she's been pretty horrible to me and I'm getting to the end of my tether.

She came for veggie xmas last year and didn't seem to have a problem.

I haven't told her what I'm even cooking this year-she's not asked.

I'm tired of being screamed at by my mother, she's been unkind to me for a long time and I'm putting my foot down over this meal.

OP, with or without the veggie/not-veggie Christmas meal, this does sound as though your mother is hard work (to put it mildly!) - and that this is likely to be a very hard time for you. Can you 'share' your mother over the Christmas week with your siblings/aunts and uncles/grandparents? Or anyone else?

Whatever happens - I wish you well. Look after yourself.

NewBallsPlease00 · 18/12/2015 00:42

I think you're both bu
If veggies come for dinner observe veggie good therefore whilst I wouldn't expect you to do meat I would find it slightly hypocritical that I wasn't welcome to eat meat I brought
However
If you accept a dinner invite at a veggies house it would be unusual to expect meat
I would let her bring some but cooked and on her plate not a carcass in the kitchen

SpellBookandCandle · 18/12/2015 00:45

Op, if you can see your way clear to it, let your mum bring her god forsaken chicken. It really is not worth the agita. Be gracious, you will have won the battle. If is really will ruin your day, perhaps it is best she not join you at all. It sounds like you have put lots of effort and planning into your lovely dinner and you should get to enjoy yourself, without the drama.

Purple daisy, thanks for the onion taste recipe! I have a New Years Day partay potluck thing, it will be perfect!

spring1bee · 18/12/2015 00:48

as a fellow veggie (and even if I weren't!) YANBU in the slightest. She can last one meal without meat! Can you suggest a meat substitute like quorn or would she turn her nose up at that? Most of my non-veggie friends and family actually look forward to when I cook because it shows how delicious meals can be WITHOUT the dead carcass on the table. She is a guest in your house.

Crazypetlady · 18/12/2015 01:47

I was a veggie for years. Not now.But I was for a long while. So was my mother , we had no problem cooking meat for those that wanted it. I would be annoyed if a host chose not to accomodate me being veggie, I think it is ridiculous to object to a bit of meat on a plate. You choose what you want to eat not everyone around you.
If someone wants a bit of bloody chicken it really is no big deal.

kittypaws · 18/12/2015 02:08

i think she should respect your wishes if she wants to attend your xmas dinner.

TheNewStatesman · 18/12/2015 02:23

I think she should not do this. There is nothing to stop her from having chicken at any other meal. It's rude to bring food to a meal that someone is cooking for you unless there is a good reason, such as medical requirements.

Can't imagine anything worse than cold chicken taken out of a tupperware box, to be honest! I'd rather just wait and have a second Xmas dinner next weekend at my own place. With a massive great chicken!

IthoughtATMwasacashpoint · 18/12/2015 02:38

I was so hoping that the thread title was going to be 'Mother wants to bring a chicken to my hen night' oh well............

Sansoora · 18/12/2015 03:17

She came for veggie xmas last year and didn't seem to have a problem.

But maybe it was a problem and she just didnt want to tell you. Maybe she genuinely didn't like what you served her and she wants to bring a chicken with her this time. It could have even been the cause of this years bad feelings between the both of you - that you ruined her last years Christmas dinner

Sansoora · 18/12/2015 03:18

Sorry, that last bit was supposed to be a

hollinhurst84 · 18/12/2015 03:24

If I was going to someone's house who was vegetarian, I wouldn't bring meat!
My friend is vegan and cooks often for me (all delicious as she has much more patience for cooking than me)
My past few years Christmas dinner has been McDonald's (2014) beans on toast (2013) and a packet of dry roasted peanuts (2012 was a bad year)
It's just one meal, she will live without the meat

stolemyusername · 18/12/2015 03:35

I would rather spend Christmas dinner with my mum and have her enjoy it, than spend it separately because she wanted to bring chicken with her. It's petty and pointless - you want a veggie dinner, she doesn't and is asking if she can bring chicken along to go with her meal.

My mum and I had many pointless arguments - she died suddenly in August, I didn't say goodbye and I will never see her again - I can't tell you how much I regret the pettiness every single day.

It's chicken fgs - get some perspective.

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