Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother wants to bring a chicken to my vegetarian Christmas dinner

807 replies

queenofthepirates · 17/12/2015 20:41

That's kind of it in a nutshell. We've invited 10 people over for Christmas dinner including my mother. We're veggies and I've put together a lovely Scandi veggie menu. She's told me she's bringing a chicken and I've said please don't. Firstly because we're veggie and I don't really want a dead bird on the table and secondly I can't see why she can't last a few hours without meat.

My relationship with her is very strained this year, she's been pretty horrible to me and I'm getting to the end of my tether.

AIBU to tell her not to bring meat or stay at home? She could always come over after lunch if she's going to insist.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
Sansoora · 21/12/2015 17:33

We only ever had chicken on Christmas Day. It was the done thing and I couldn't even tell you the first time I had turkey. I still prefer chicken.

OnlyLovers · 21/12/2015 17:45

quite a lot of people wouldn't enjoy a meal (or at least a dinner) without meat in it, special christmas dinner.

People aren't really that rigid, are they? For fuck's sake. Someone's invited you for dinner, is cooking for you and hosting you – you bloody well eat what's given, say thank you and offer to wash up. It really is that simple.

In this case, too, the OP is veggie and doesn't want a chicken carcass in her house. that's really not very difficult to understand.

This is like those BBQ threads in the summer where people moan and bitch about being invited to quelle horreur a veggie BBQ and how they love steak/sausage etc and simply can't imagine a BBQ without it. As if a) they're going to sicken and die if they don't have meat every meal and b) every single meal you eat has to consist of your absolute ideal foods.

I'd just tell her no, she can't bring a chicken. Repeat as necessary.

I'm an omnivore, by the way.

cleaty · 21/12/2015 19:10

No you think about what your guests would enjoy. I don't think the OP had really done that at the start. I would enjoy Borscht, but it is an unusual starter to chose for guests with a variety of tastes.

When hosting I don't choose what I would enjoy most, I choose to cook things I like that I am sure my guests will enjoy. So if I was hosting a vegetarian Christmas meal I would do all the usual accompaniments, and then something delicious instead of the meat.

originalmavis · 21/12/2015 19:20

I usually limit experimental food to one per meal, and only then if I think it's something people would enjoy.

No testicles or wee.

cleaty · 21/12/2015 19:22

As a host you are trying to create a fun time. Not get into an unnecessary battle.

OnlyLovers · 21/12/2015 19:30

I don't think there's anything especially 'experimental' about borscht, butternut squash, roast vegetables, salsa or a home made cheesecake.

As for a vegetarian Christmas meal with 'all the usual accompaniments', you can't be sure that everyone would like them. A lot of people I know aren't at all into sprouts, parsnips, bread sauce, cranberry sauce etc and would enjoy something different.

But anyway, the real point of this thread is that someone is being bullish about bringing a chicken to a vegetarian household that doesn't want a chicken hanging about. THAT is much more likely to stop people enjoying themselves (the host should expect to enjoy herself too, after all) than doing without meat for one meal, IMO.

originalmavis · 21/12/2015 19:38

I think my parents would be found festive squash a bit experimental!

OnlyLovers · 21/12/2015 19:40

But would they insist on bringing meat to your home if they knew you were uncomfortable with it?

chocomochi · 21/12/2015 19:42

It's not just anyone being bullish about bringing meat, it's the OPs mum. Maybe the OP's mum didn't really like the veggie meal last year, but didn't want to offend the OP, and decided to bring her own poultry this year, so that she can at least spend Christmas with the family?

originalmavis · 21/12/2015 19:45

Meat doesn't bother me in the least. I've been veggie for 30 years in May.

Both my parents are dead, so I would love to be on the situation where I could argue the toss over a few slices of measley chicken with then.

OnlyLovers · 21/12/2015 19:48

Shouldn't the OP's mum be possibly even more willing to put up with it than others?

I always think on threads like this that people confuse loathing the food and finding the tastes offensive with just not really massively enjoying it/it not being their favourite.

I've eaten so much Christmas pudding, indifferent turkey, farty sprouts etc etc over the years because people have invited me and cooked for me and hosted me. I do not massively like any of these things, but I wouldn't dream of turning up with something else just because I'd enjoy it more. Much less something that I knew the host was uncomfortable about.

maddy68 · 21/12/2015 19:56

I'm a veggie but my dad is bringing meat. I'm really not bothered I want him to enjoy his Christmas meal in all honesty. It's about everyone having a good time together, not sitting eating with resentment

Ask her to carve it at home and put in a box so you aren't looking at it

mellicauli · 21/12/2015 19:58

Ask her if she would cook you a completely veggie meal on Boxing Day? If the answer is yes, meet her half way (chicken slices), if not tell her "my gaffe, my rules, eat the squash or sling yer 'ook" in the traditional EastEnders at Christmas style.

BertrandRussell · 21/12/2015 20:05

If she dowsn't like the sound of the meal, how is a couple of slices of chicken suddenly going to make it palatable?

ISaySteadyOn · 21/12/2015 20:05

The OP's mum is already cooking a traditional meal on one day and going to the OP's for another. Why has no one acknowledged this? OP's mum is getting a meat meal as well as the OP's veggie one. It is only that they are on different days.

OnlyLovers · 21/12/2015 20:09

Very good question, ISay.

cleaty · 21/12/2015 20:13

No one has acknowledged it because it is irrelevant.
I eat roasts commonly, so what.

OnlyLovers · 21/12/2015 20:16

It's relevant because it's not as if she's missing out completely on a traditional roast-meat Christmas dinner.

I don't know what you mean by 'I eat roasts commonly, so what.', sorry.

ISaySteadyOn · 21/12/2015 20:20

Thank you OnlyLovers. That was my point.

BadLad · 21/12/2015 20:20

I don't know what you mean by 'I eat roasts commonly, so what.'

It means she eats them with her plate on a tray on her legs, sitting on the sofa, watching TV.

cleaty · 21/12/2015 20:33

I mean I eat roast dinners, which is pretty much like a Christmas meal. So what? Does that mean I should not want a traditional Christmas meal?

budgiegirl · 21/12/2015 21:35

My mum always cooks a roast on New Years Day - It still wouldn't feel like Christmas to me without a traditional roast on Christmas Day. I genuinely can't imagine Christmas without it. I can happily do without presents, decorations etc, but to me a roast turkey (or other poultry) is Christmas.

janethegirl2 · 21/12/2015 21:48

Christmas without some sort of bird is not Christmas, it just is not!!

2rebecca · 21/12/2015 21:54

Agree with OnlyLovers that I'm surprised the mother isn't more willing than friends and more distant family to sacrifice eating a meal she wants to be with her daughter.
When my kids are older if they invite me to share their xmas dinner I'll be delighted. I'll tell them whatever eccentric stuff they decide to give me is delicious and if my husband and I want a roast bird with trimmings we'll have it on a different day.

BastardGoDarkly · 21/12/2015 22:00

Erm, it really is Jane Hmm

Grin BadLad