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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother wants to bring a chicken to my vegetarian Christmas dinner

807 replies

queenofthepirates · 17/12/2015 20:41

That's kind of it in a nutshell. We've invited 10 people over for Christmas dinner including my mother. We're veggies and I've put together a lovely Scandi veggie menu. She's told me she's bringing a chicken and I've said please don't. Firstly because we're veggie and I don't really want a dead bird on the table and secondly I can't see why she can't last a few hours without meat.

My relationship with her is very strained this year, she's been pretty horrible to me and I'm getting to the end of my tether.

AIBU to tell her not to bring meat or stay at home? She could always come over after lunch if she's going to insist.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
Chinesealan · 20/12/2015 15:53

Issues on both sides. Mum is very cheeky for overriding your rule. You're a bit rigid to not realise that meat eaters would feel that a significant part of their christmas meal is missing.

BathtimeFunkster · 20/12/2015 16:11

I'm bemused by the idea that it is unacceptable to bring a chicken, but it's OK to bring your objectionable animal flesh in slices in a plastic box.

Confused Grin
Runner05 · 20/12/2015 16:13

I've had vegetarians for Christmas dinner several times and have always made special exceptions for them by ensuring that nothing but the meat has any any animal product in it and making an vegetarian alternative to meat for them.
This is inconvenient because I have to change ingredients and cooking processes but I do this both out of respect for their wishes and a desire for them to enjoy the meal as much as anyone else.

When I go to their houses for a meal they always treat me with the same respect. Knowing that I don't enjoy all vegetarian meals they always ensure there is meat for me even if their households are fully vegetarian.

In the same way I buy in vegetarian food for them and then give them any excess to take home. They buy in some meat for me and give me anything left over as they obviously won't use it.

No, it wouldn't kill me to not eat meat for one meal but importantly, I wouldn't enjoy that meal and what's the point in inviting people over to eat food you know they won't enjoy.

If I knew a vegetarian friend did not feel comfortable cooking meat I would see it as a perfectly acceptable thing to suggest that I prepare some meat and bring it with me (enough to share if there were other meat eaters present) if they were offended by this I would be quite confused as it suggests to me that they don't care that the food is not to my taste and if this is the case why are they offering to cook for me anyway?

Christmas dinner in particular is a time when people usually have strong ideas about what should be served and how because of family traditions observed since the year dot.
As the host of this meal I always see it as my duty to ensure that everyone has an amazing meal and leaves stuffed, happy and with a plate of leftovers for the next day so in the OPs situation the only thing that would upset me is that a guest felt the need to bring a food component themselves because I had failed to cater to them.

originalmavis · 20/12/2015 16:18

You've had vegetarians for dinner? Did they taste nice?

fascicle · 20/12/2015 16:21

Evans
Firstly, the OP has talked only in terms of Christmas dinner - nothing to suggest a 'compulsory vegetarian day'

Sorry, Fascicle - you are now contradicting yourself. I mentioned the compulsory vegetarian day in an earlier post, you corrected me with your comment above, but now you agree that the OP doesn't want to have meat in her home. So, it surely follows that the vegetarian day at the OP's home is, after all, compulsory.

Evans, the entire thread rests on the OP not wishing to have meat in her home. There is no contradiction - my point was that it was ONE (vegetarian) meal - Christmas dinner - and not a DAY of vegetarian eating.

Perhaps you'd like to comment on the other post of mine which questioned this statement of yours:

I also wouldn't take a bacon sandwich to the house of a Jewish friend, nor a beef casserole to the house of a Hindu friend, for instance, that's a bit of an infantile comparison

It's illogical that your view on taking meat to a vegetarian household is any different to your examples above, where you would be prepared to respect people's food beliefs in their own home.

MarianneSolong · 20/12/2015 16:23

Brief diversion. Does everyone want to feel 'stuffed' after a Christmas meal? Obviously it's an occasion when it's traditional for there to be plenty of food on offer.

But I am very uncomfortable if I've overeaten, and it can be awkward if an ultra-enthusiastic host keeps urging you to have more, when you've already had quite enough.

I also wouldn't expect a bag of left overs. (My mother who lives alone will sometimes give me food at the end of a visit, because she's bought too much and then knows she won't be able to eat it herself.) But as most people have stocked up for Christmas, I'd not always it's necessary to be sent away with a storage box of cold roast potatoes...

originalmavis · 20/12/2015 16:28

I used to attend a kids club in a local synagogue. Some nannies would bring ham sandwiches for the kids which I thought a bit odd, but the rabbi didn't mind.

Just goes to show you can't be bothered on someone else's behalf I suppose. As the saying goes 'the bowl can't be hotter than the stew'.

You don't feel as stuffed on veggie food I find, unless you are the only Christmas pud lover and eat a four-person one all by yourself (oink).

BathtimeFunkster · 20/12/2015 16:28

You've had vegetarians for dinner? Did they taste nice?

Grin

Vegetarians taste delicious.

All that stuffed squash and aubergine in their diet makes them extremely tender. Kind of like veal.

And all the grains they consume to make up for the meat the're missing makes their livers extremely squishy. Like the finest foie gras.

Man is, after all, the ultimate prey.

(It is unfeminist to eat women.)

originalmavis · 20/12/2015 16:31

I eat an awful lot if cheese and curry. Not sure if I'd be very nice to eat - also a bit scrawney and gristley. Maybe with a nice cheese and red pesto sauce?

cleaty · 20/12/2015 16:37

Anyone heard the song "Eat Vegans"?

BathtimeFunkster · 20/12/2015 17:07

I eat an awful lot if cheese and curry. Not sure if I'd be very nice to eat - also a bit scrawney and gristley.

Typical selfish vegetarian.

originalmavis · 20/12/2015 17:35

Heh heh heh. All part of my cunning plan. Meaties eat each other and veggies take over. Vegans too anaemic to do anything about it.

ShelaghTurner · 20/12/2015 19:00

The OP hasn't been back since Thursday night. Must be a hell of a big squash she's stuffing Grin

BathtimeFunkster · 20/12/2015 19:42

The OP hasn't been back since Thursday night. Must be a hell of a big squash she's stuffing

Grin

How rude! Angry [prim]

merryxmas9 · 20/12/2015 21:10

you are not being unreasonable- the woman needs to show some respect!

pictish · 20/12/2015 21:38

But a squash stuffed with an aubergine stuffed with a courgette though.

Kanga59 · 20/12/2015 21:50

YANBU. if someone invited me over for lunch and was cooking with all that trouble, I'd gladly eat whatever was served and just enjoy the company/day.

I wouldn't want a chicken carcas in my kitchen if I was a veggie, either

derxa · 20/12/2015 21:52

I feel sorry for the OP. Her DM has been a bit of a dick and she's lost her DF but she needs to be the bigger person.

Original poster
queenofthepirates · 20/12/2015 22:01

Thanks everyone, I can't believe this is still going! I've had a nice chat with my stepdad (mum's husband) and we've come up with a bigger menu (points about vegducken taken on board!). He's very much with me about mum bringing a chicken, he thinks it's daft. I think he'll probably have a firm word with her.

OP posts:
Leelu6 · 20/12/2015 22:02

Has anyone suggested yet that the OP tell her DM that she, in fact, is the carcass? Grin

derxa · 20/12/2015 22:03

OMG queen You've come back. Have a lovely Christmas Flowers

Original poster
queenofthepirates · 20/12/2015 22:10

Thanks Derxa, big Merry Christmas to you too! xx

OP posts:
derxa · 20/12/2015 22:14

This thread has been amazing. Now I feel it will have a happy ending.

HowBadIsThisPlease · 20/12/2015 22:27

Hi Queen! Thank you for coming back and thank you for being so gracious about the not very kind comments on the menu (mainly from me Blush)

Happy Christmas and have a lovely veggie feast!

Ceic · 20/12/2015 22:29

Hi OP - sounds like a good outcome! Glad you've got your stepdad onside. Hope it works out.

I'm one of the people who was sceptical about the vegducken. I took a closer look at the recipe you shared at the beginning of the thread and there is some good advice in the reviews from people who'd actually made it. For 10 people, I think you need to double it or do a second main.

I'm interested to hear how you and the other PPs get on when you all try making it.

Good luck with it and Merry Christmas. [santa]

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