Mother wants to bring a chicken to my vegetarian Christmas dinner

[queenofthepirates]

That's kind of it in a nutshell. We've invited 10 people over for Christmas dinner including my mother. We're veggies and I've put together a lovely Scandi veggie menu. She's told me she's bringing a chicken and I've said please don't. Firstly because we're veggie and I don't really want a dead bird on the table and secondly I can't see why she can't last a few hours without meat.

My relationship with her is very strained this year, she's been pretty horrible to me and I'm getting to the end of my tether.

AIBU to tell her not to bring meat or stay at home? She could always come over after lunch if she's going to insist.

You learn something everyday. Vegetarian wine - fabulous! I am a bit worried though: does everyone but me know about this? Only, I have never heard of it before, yet I have vegetarian friends (well, only one actually). Have I been offering her wine with animals in all this time?

What's 'pathetic' is that a host can't give one of their guests a bit of white meat when that guest had asked if they could have some for their Christmas meal.
Why specify 'white meat'? What difference does the type of meat make?
The guests will still enjoy the meal. They will still have plenty of food that they can eat and enjoy. They can have a lovely meal without having meat.

When we eat at my alcoholic FIL's house, we don't take a bottle of wine even though we love a glass of wine with our meals, we don't insist they allow us to bring our own wine. We are considerate of our hosts.
When he comes to eat with us, he understands that other guests might be drinking wine and is fine with that.

Most wine is veggie now Dumble so you probably didn't, and some vegetarians are stricter than others anyway. It is the vegans you have to watch with wine, lots of wine isn't vegan (it has egg products).

I won't wash up meat plates because I don't want to touch them I find it revolting. Why should I be made to feel nauseous in my own home?
My family can wash their own plates if they insist on meat.
I realise it doesn't affect animal welfare but I care both about the killing of animals and the fact that meat is completely disgusting to me. Same as I wouldn't want to touch any other dead body.

Really so you have only dated men who have been vegtrains from birth

And it must be very lonely to never attend a wedding and christening and birthday party my daughters school invite parents to have lunch wit h their kids once a year all because you don't want to eat off a plate that someone may or may not have had meat on it

How lonely and sad your life much be

poster PrimeDirective Fri 18-Dec-15 21:37:42

Personally as a host my worse fear is my guests leave hungry most people mark a good meal out on weather they enjoyed the meal lol

This is what DS1 thinks of DS2's rice pud.

itsbetterthanabox, so you don't drive a car, or a bike, or use carrier bags. Paint your house, use toothpaste, handle your children's crayons, you never use a computer?

Because all these things contain bits of dead animal.

roogirl.com/20-everyday-items-that-contain-animal-ingredients/

Where do they wee on shark meat and bury it in the ice?

Hákarl? Or lutefisk? Both disgusting.

I actually hate touching raw meat. It's a sensory thing, though, rather than a disgust at meat. I also hate touching cold cooked meat and, when I was pregnant with DS2, couldn't even peel a carrot without retching. We survived on nuke in the bag veg and freezer food for 3 months!

Let the old dear bring a chicken.

She isn't asking you to dispatch the thing.

My OH and DD love meat and would be disappointed at a christmas meal without meat.

If my dil was only offering veggie food, I would not go. Simple!

If my dd was only offering veggie food, I would not go, but I'd tell her why! But that scenario is virtually impossible as she likes meat more than I do.

Janethegirl.
You'd not see your family on Christmas Day because of a bit of meat?

Tbh I think you are unreasonable. I am a meat eater but if I had someone coming to dinner who was a veggie then I'd cater for their needs as well as the meat eaters. She is not asking you to cook it, only that she wants to bring it so she can eat some.

Your view of we are veggie fit in or else is rude and would be like a meat eater forcing you to eat meat if you went to their house as surely you can go a few hours with meat!! Ridiculous statement.

No73 it's not the same at all.
Serving something everyone eats is not the same as serving something you know some guests don't eat.

This is just rude. Ignoring the vegetarian issue for a minute, presumably your mother would never go to another dinner party and say 'I know you're serving pasta, but actually I prefer quiche, so I'll bring that along and eat it". It just goes against the grain of basic hospitality.

Why are vegetarians deemed to be fair game for other people imposing their dietary choices even when they are cooking?

cater for their needs

I think NEEDS is the key word here

No one NEEDS meat, do they. Not for every meal anyway.

If she was fine last year and she accepted your invite again this time around, she knows the score.

Why are vegetarians deemed to be fair game for other people imposing their dietary choices even when they are cooking?

And yet vegetarians all expect to be catered for when they go somewhere.

Why do vegetarian deem it fair game to impose their dietary choices on others even when they are cooking?

I've read all 25 pages and all I have to say is that I love Tampon Ladys consistent use of Vegtrain. I want a vegtrain. But keep the Aubergine 🍆 cart.

No haven't RTFT but I think YABU. MAny seem to be saying it is beyond rude to bring or request any food other than that decided upon and served by the host, however if I had a veggie coming over for Christmas dinner, I would offer something other than Turkey to accompany their Christmas dinner. I wouldn't expect them to eat the turkey because I am the host and that's what I have decided to serve - how utterly unreasonable would that be? I think it cuts both ways, if you are veggie and invite a meat eater to your Xmas dinner you should permit them the traditional Fayre.

Would it be fair to say to a veggie that they should really be able to manage to eat meat for just this one meal?

Bloody hate hate hate double standards.

No, I'd not see my family if they thought that I would go for a meat free dinner. However it is get unlikely in the extreme that the scenario will ever arise. Dd is a full on meat eater and her db is too.

However I don't always see them at Xmas as they and I have other commitments on Xmas day. Will see them during the festive season if at all possible though!

Haven't managed to read all the posts since my previous reply but I've been thinking about this. Although I still think your menu sounds lovely, I personally wouldn't want it as a Christmas meal. It would be interesting as an experimental lunch on a "normal" day but would leave me very unsatisfied on Christmas Day as there is very little protein. I do love beetroot, as a starter, especially if accompanied with a rich goats cheese - but I'd want something substantial to follow. My main problem with vegetarian dishes is that I absolutely can't stand the taste or texture of quorn or tofu in any form (and neither can DH), so in my book any main course worth its salt has to be pretty heavy in meat, eggs, cheese (preferrably not the bland veggie version) or nuts. Of course we don't always have meat - we love a good risotto (with plenty of cheese), pasta with vegetables (ditto) or omelette - but we'd never have a stir fry without some strips of meat, and wouldn't touch any meat substitutes with a barge pole. I may sometimes have a vegetarian pizza, but that's it.

And my suggestion of a veggie "Jansson's" was intended as a side dish as it definitely wouldn't work as a main - you'd need a nut roast or similar to go with it - maybe veggie sausages or burgers (although I personally wouldn't touch those - any protein-rich main would do).

YANBU to not want your mum to bring meat to your house, but in her shoes I think I'd eat a lovely meal at home first and come to yours for pudding. Hopefully your other guests are all vegetarian? Otherwise it may actually be a good idea to let your mum bring a chicken so that those who want to can treat your "vegducken"'as a side dish (I certainly would). I looked it up btw and apparently it was recently invented in Louisiana, nothing to do with Scandinavia (which makes sense since butternut squash has never been grown that far north).

I must admit to not having read every post, just skimmed.
In our family we have 3 veggies, 3 omnivores.
At omnivores houses, meat and veggie options are offered.
At veggie house, we would not expect to be served meat.
One thing about meat is that it STINKS!
It's rude of an omnivore to expect meat in a veggie household, and even ruder to expect to be allowed to stink out someone's house.
I'm a meat eater, btw.
There is a huge difference between not serving what someone wants to eat, and serving something they don't eat.

< slurping rice pud, with skin >

I have my new T-shirt ready in case I am invited to a Christmas / New Year meal requiring a Jedi Warrior chant:

Sadly, I don't have appropriate clothing for eating sour ram's testicles. Maybe take a carrier bag for vom.