Mother wants to bring a chicken to my vegetarian Christmas dinner

[queenofthepirates]

That's kind of it in a nutshell. We've invited 10 people over for Christmas dinner including my mother. We're veggies and I've put together a lovely Scandi veggie menu. She's told me she's bringing a chicken and I've said please don't. Firstly because we're veggie and I don't really want a dead bird on the table and secondly I can't see why she can't last a few hours without meat.

My relationship with her is very strained this year, she's been pretty horrible to me and I'm getting to the end of my tether.

AIBU to tell her not to bring meat or stay at home? She could always come over after lunch if she's going to insist.

I think if she likes meat with her Christmas dinner let her enjoy it. You would probably insist on her buying or you bringing a vegi element if you were eating at hers. I have many vegi friends who try to control other peoples' eating and it feels puritanical tbh. Thankfully my vegi partner is more relaxed about it.

Now I'm veggie (almost 30 years now) and don't have an issue with what other people eat. I even cook meat. But that's me, I cook for the guests as they do for me when I go there.

If you really really can't have the stuff around, leave it out uncovered and ooops, if the cat/dog gets to it that's too bad.

Fascile Did you talk to the hosts beforehand about the dishes your daughter could/couldn't eat?

Yes, as mentioned above, they knew.

This is a family member (DP's niece) so not a random wedding. Bride's own brother also has a very severe nut allergy, for which he has been hospitalised on several occasions. No allowances made for him either.

Point I'm making is that meat-eating is usually an ethical and personal choice, so allergies notwithstanding, it is (IMO) polite to try to cater for a guest's preference, especially for a parent, and especially on a special occasion, like Christmas Day. Otherwise, the only guests you will EVER invite to your home for a meal will HAVE to be vegetarian. That would be a small, sad world.

Of course, it would be rude for OP's Mum to turn up with an entire chicken to a vegetarian's meal expecting oven space to cook it, but a couple of slices of meat discreetly popped onto her plate, not necessarily bothering anyone else, would surely not be a big deal.

londonrach Good luck in trying to lighten the mood on this thread.

If you had dinner at her house, would you be fine with her forcing you to at meat? Effectively you are forcing a Veggie meal on her. As a meat eater, I really wouldn't want a Veggie Christmas dinner.

I'm an almost life-long veggie. When I hosted christmas a couple of years ago my MIL brought a turkey crown and and entire ham. Didn't really bother me at all, tbh. As long as I don't have to prepare, cook, eat or clean it up I don't have a problem with it. People are funny about their Christmas traditions.

I tried derxa....

Imogen have you tried tofurkey? I'd rather eat a real turkey!

Sorry I am only on page 9 of this massive thread but just wanted to note that I have just found out what a vegducken is and it looks utterly disgusting. I am usually very pro-veggie in this kind of situation (and had an argument a bit like this with my mum over one birthday dinner!) but the vegducken thing looks horrible. I would far rather, a million times, a tray of basic roast root vegetables.
(in the interests of full disclosure I have never had a meat turducken and I think they look disgusting too)

Butternut squashes are massively over rated. If you put a few chunks of one in the tray of roast vegetables, it wouldn't ruin my day, but if you base an entire meal on one I might feel like crying.

Make sure you serve plenty of booze to make up for this menu.

Did you have a bad experience with rice pudding, BathtimeFunkster?

Is there any other kind?

EvansOvalPiesYumYum
Fascile Did you talk to the hosts beforehand about the dishes your daughter could/couldn't eat?

Yes, as mentioned above, they knew.

They knew, but did you have a specific conversation before the event about your daughter's food? I wouldn't rely on prior knowledge in place of a discussion beforehand - too much room for error, even if people have the best intentions.

it is (IMO) polite to try to cater for a guest's preference, especially for a parent, and especially on a special occasion, like Christmas Day. Otherwise, the only guests you will EVER invite to your home for a meal will HAVE to be vegetarian.

Although some people believe vegetarians should compromise their beliefs, in their own home, to accommodate others, there are meateaters (including some on this thread) who are open to eating a vegetarian meal on Christmas day.

YABU... veggie dinner sounds grim for Christmas dinner. She isn't asking you to kill the chicken with your own hands. God, veggies and vegans are so ridiculous - if you want to go against the biological norm and leave out a food group then fine... but stop trying to push it amongst other people. Almost comparable to Jehora Witness really. Forcing your weird beliefs on everyone else.

I know 4 vegetarians. 3 of them do indeed find meat repellant. The other is just an attention seeker who doesn't have a palate.

I don't find it repellant. Sounds a bit ninnyish to me.

"If you had dinner at her house, would you be fine with her forcing you to at meat? Effectively you are forcing a Veggie meal on her"

That really is a stupid statement. Just illogical and stupid

Meat is a dead animal that has to be killed so you can eat it. I'm not a vegetarian and I am OK with the concept of meat, but I can totally understand why someone would find it repellent. And if they did I would totally understand why they wouldn't want me bringing it round!

It's not ninnyish, it's how people feel and actually quite reasonably. Most meat-eaters would find an abattoir repellent or having to kill the animal themselves. Many vegetarians are veggie because the idea of that upsets them. I really can't see what's odd or pathetic about that.

It's not repellant to me, though I'm not keen on the smell when it's cooking.
I buy the mini roasts in foil trays for my meat eaters. I don't have to touch the stuff then, just bung it in the oven.

"However, I hate beetroot, can't abide aubergines or mint. So to me, personally, I would not like the sound of your menu and might like a couple of chicken slices to help me pick through the rest of it."

I don't like aubergine, beetroot or mint. So I have to have meat. Right...........

Why on earth would you not let her eat some chicken for Christmas? I'm sure your Scandi thing is lovely, but Christmas is one of these meals where things that are missing can really make for a meh meal.

Yes, I'm sure she can live without meat for one meal, but unless she's asking you to butcher the thing it's up to you as a host to be gracious and accommodating - it's only a bit of chicken FGS, and I'm sure she'll eat your Scandi veggie things too.

I have found my people - Rice pudding loathers. It's got to be the most gag inducing food to just look at. I certainly couldn't watch anybody eat it. I feel quite nauseous just thinking about it.

As for meat, Giles, i do actually probably eat meat for most meals. Everyone in my family does. DH may eat 3 meals (breakfast) a week without it (and moan) and i eat maybe 5. But other than that it's pretty much meat for every meal and snacks too. If i am to enjoy a veggie meal is has to be very egg, cheese, cream and butter heavy.

I do understand that it's a dead animal... I gave up meat in my early teens when I decided that if I wasn't happy killing it, I wasn't happy to eat it.

Meat is generally bought in a form that isn't exactly dead-animal shaped. It's not often you see a full rabbit or goose, or even horse lying there.

I find that it's the faux veggies who get upset by meat - happy enough to eat 'ugly' animals whilst swooning over the thought if eating rabbit.

Maybe it's the country girl in me...

Gosh Nutella you're brave!

What's with all the rice pudding hate?

I love it, and the skin is the best bit!