Mother wants to bring a chicken to my vegetarian Christmas dinner

[queenofthepirates]

That's kind of it in a nutshell. We've invited 10 people over for Christmas dinner including my mother. We're veggies and I've put together a lovely Scandi veggie menu. She's told me she's bringing a chicken and I've said please don't. Firstly because we're veggie and I don't really want a dead bird on the table and secondly I can't see why she can't last a few hours without meat.

My relationship with her is very strained this year, she's been pretty horrible to me and I'm getting to the end of my tether.

AIBU to tell her not to bring meat or stay at home? She could always come over after lunch if she's going to insist.

Brahmin is a caste not a religion. So the requirement for vegetarianism is cultural not religious. That is what my Brahmim friend says anyway. Other Hindus eat meat.

(Actually you might have married a Brahmin. Plenty of inter-caste and indeed interracial marriages these days. I do realise this is off-topic, though.)

If I had married a Brahmin, but was not one by birth, and my non-Brahmin mother was coming to my "Brahmin household" for an important festival, then I would be quite a dick to tell her that she couldn't bring a dish to my "household" because I had aligned my household with my husband's caste and the customs I grew up with were no longer acceptable.

I'm an omnivore and dead animals can be delicious, but I enjoy eating other food too and trying new dishes.

I would happily go to a vegetarian or even vegan Christmas meal if invited by someone I cared about (and knew was a good cook) and not miss the meat.
As a guest, my enjoyment of food depends on whether it was cooked nicely and suited my taste, but that would hold for a meal with meat too.

Someone else's house is not a restaurant.
imo, bringing your own is cheeky and childish, unless you have food allergies / intolerances / SN etc
If it was a menu I disliked sufficiently, I just wouldn't go.

I'd provide a good vegetarian option if I were hosting and make sure the others didn't scoff it before the vegetarian had a chance
That's because otherwise the guest would be 100% unable to enjoy the main protein part of the meal, regardless of how well I cooked it

We should respect vegetarianism based on ethical reasons just as much as on invisible friends.
However, I'm much happier when someone decides on this as an adult, instead of a child having a basic food group compulsorily removed by parents.

I still think it's really simple. Meat, to vegetarians, is repellent. End of. You don't bring it to a meal. I genuinely cannot imagine suggesting to the various close friends who are veggie that I add the stuff to their table.

Meat, to vegetarians, is repellent. End of.

There are about as many reasons for not eating meat as there are people who don't eat it.

Finding meat repellant is only one of them.

Lots of vegetarians on this thread are happy to serve and/or prepare meat.

I find rice pudding repellant. But if somebody who really loved it wanted to bring some to a dinner I was hosting I wouldn't ban them from doing so.

(Although I would have to avert my eyes and keep my gag reflex under control. I feel sick even typing this. 😖 )

Well, it doesn't sound like the OP is one of them. Not are quite a few others on this thread. ( I wasn't either, in my veggie days.)

I just don't see what the issue is, frankly. You've been invited by a vegetarian: you accept that the meal is vegetarian.

But I can also see it is a bit pointless trying endlessly to explain how it's different from something you're just not partial to.

I find sprouts repellant. Still serve them at Christmas dinner for guests who consider them essential.

The issue is that inviting your mother for Christmas isn't exactly the same as inviting the Kirkbobbins from the golf club to a dinner party.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, objecting to animal flesh is exactly the same as not liking sprouts.

I find sprouts repellant. Still serve them at Christmas dinner for guests who consider them essential.

You're a better host than I.

Nothing could induce me to actually serve up (or god forbid, prepare) rice pudding.

I would allow it into my home only on the understanding that I was not to be troubled by its presence.

the issue isn't about meat - its about her relationship with her mother... her mother has been horrible to her so she is putting her foot down and making her mothers life uncomfortable. sounds a bit petty tbh and a bit tit for tat. rise above it, its Christmas... do to others what they would have them do to you.

That's your issue. Not mine. I am not getting the 'it's your mum so you must accommodate her' vibe, myself.

Finding food repellant is exactly the same as finding other food repellant.

That's not a moral position, it's an aesthetic one.

Objecting to "animal flesh" might be an ethical position, but those ethics might also permit the bringing and consuming of animal flesh by ones own mother.

Nuttaburrasaurus I agree with what libraries said. Non veggies can eat everything at a veggie meal whereas the opposite is not true

DD has several allergies, including nuts and celery. So, not true that everyone can eat everything at a veggie meal. We went to a wedding recently, where there where walnuts in the salad starter, celery in the main course, and nuts in the wedding cake (carrot cake). So she was Hungry. All Day!! We had to get a takeaway on the way back to the hotel.

Just let your Mum bring a couple of chicken slices to your Christmas meal, OP. It won't kill you.

What do veggies do then when out for a meal with friends? Can they not set foot in a restaurant where meat is served or do they sit another table away from any friends who might have ordered meat?

Oh, and the hosts did know about the allergies, by the way. If we'd had the option of taking a packed lunch for DD, we would most certainly have done so.

What do veggies do then when out for a meal with friends? Can they not set foot in a restaurant where meat is served or do they sit another table away from any friends who might have ordered meat?

Going for a meal in a restaurant is a choice you make. There are certainly vegetarians who dislike eating at restaurants that cook and serve meat, some probably avoid them altogether.

We have a friend who has all sorts of dislikes and intolerances (note, not allergies). Gluten, wheat, dairy intolerances, dislike of shellfish, onions, anything spicy - the list goes on and on.

When she comes to our homes, we cater for everything for her. When we go to hers, we all have to eat her gluten/wheat/dairy/shellfish/tasteless crap.

We cater for her, but she doesn't afford us the same consideration.

This Christmas Dinner sounds like the same kind of scenario.

For instance, OP, whilst your menu might sound lovely to you, I would hate it. I love vegetables and don't always need meat. However, I hate beetroot, can't abide aubergines or mint. So to me, personally, I would not like the sound of your menu and might like a couple of chicken slices to help me pick through the rest of it.

Sorry!

When we go to hers, we all have to eat her gluten/wheat/dairy/shellfish/tasteless crap

(Of course, that should have been gluten/wheat etc - free tasteless crap)

I don't understand why some people don't get that meat in a meat free house is a big deal. For those who don't get the OP's position, forget about comparisons with food and think of a strongly held, longstanding, ethical belief that you observe at home and then think about breaking it to accommodate somebody else (who has known you all your life and knows about your beliefs).

Evans Did you talk to the hosts beforehand about the dishes your daughter could/couldn't eat?

Just to lighten to mood! There are some amazing christmas dinner cartoons on the web.

How many of those non-Scandinavian stuffed squash are you making if it's for 10?

I love vegetables and I love meat but I don't get why vegetarian food has to look like meat.