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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Mother wants to bring a chicken to my vegetarian Christmas dinner

807 replies

queenofthepirates · 17/12/2015 20:41

That's kind of it in a nutshell. We've invited 10 people over for Christmas dinner including my mother. We're veggies and I've put together a lovely Scandi veggie menu. She's told me she's bringing a chicken and I've said please don't. Firstly because we're veggie and I don't really want a dead bird on the table and secondly I can't see why she can't last a few hours without meat.

My relationship with her is very strained this year, she's been pretty horrible to me and I'm getting to the end of my tether.

AIBU to tell her not to bring meat or stay at home? She could always come over after lunch if she's going to insist.

OP posts:

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Maybejustme · 18/12/2015 10:07

But surely the views of each of us as individuals as to whether or not Christmas dinner must involve meat are irrelevant to the question asked by the OP. The OP has stated that in her house, these are the "rules" (for want of a better word) which they have adopted as a family. Surely as a visitor to any household (or community or country, etc), you respect the position of your hosts or you choose not to go?

OP, yanbu. I actually dread Christmas Day every year for this reason. Some family members insist on bringing what I think of as "messy" meat - you know, turkey that people then pick at as they wander past and don't necessarily wash their hands and then put their hands over everything else etc- and it makes me feel a bit sick. I am assuming (as they eat them quite happily) that they don't feel the same about carrots and sprouts. The minute they leave I scrub the whole kitchen from top to bottom. Really rude to impose that situation on someone against their will in their own home, when you had a choice to eat elsewhere.

FannyTheChampionOfTheWorld · 18/12/2015 10:10

I've already discussed with OP what I'd do maybe, my post was simply a reply to someone who thinks the usual Christmas dinner is 90% not meat. Personally I think its important for people to understand that this isn't simply a you can manage without meat for one meal you unimaginative philistine situation.

howtorebuild · 18/12/2015 10:16

I wouldn't do it. I would feel very let down by your menu. I wouldn't leave a veggie uncatered for at my table.

BertrandRussell · 18/12/2015 10:24

"Personally I think its important for people to understand that this isn't simply a you can manage without meat for one meal you unimaginative philistine situation."

It is, you know!

Junebugjr · 18/12/2015 10:29

I'm a vegetarian, and I wouldn't have a problem with this. Just ask her to plate it up before she comes or whatever. IMO not catering for your guests dietary requirements is ruder than her bringing food over to your house.
Meat eaters cater for me when I attend a meal, so I will cater for them when they are invited to my meals despite the fact that meat revolts me.
It sounds like it's more to do with the relationship with your mother than the actual meat.

villainousbroodmare · 18/12/2015 10:31

I don't think that Christmas dinner is "just one meal".
Well, of course it is, technically, but it's invested with all sorts of emotion and symbolism and it's the culmination of lots of planning and spending and it's supposed to be delicious and make everyone feel the warm fuzzies.
It's supposed to be the best dinner of the year. And clearly that means something very different to OP and OP's mother.
But as the host, I think that you extend the hospitality and welcome and if this includes a chicken, odd as it make strike you, you smile and accept it.

Gileswithachainsaw · 18/12/2015 10:31

But in what way has she not catered to her dietary requirements?

meat eaters eat meat we get it. but they don't only eat meat.

she can eat everything served

FaFoutis · 18/12/2015 10:31

YANBU.
Nobody brings meat into my house, Christmas or not.

Maybejustme · 18/12/2015 10:34

But the OP's mum is catered for, in that there is food provided which she can eat. I totally agree that when the finds out what it is, she may decide that she doesn't like the meal that the OP is cooking, but that's not a meat/veggie issue. That's a risk we all run whenever we accept an invitation to go to dinner anywhere. I suspect we have all smiled politely while gagging down something we would never cook for ourselves, whatever our dietary preferences/requirements!

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 18/12/2015 10:36

yes but will the chicken eat a vegetarian dinner?

Timri · 18/12/2015 10:39

'If someone invited me.....'
But it's not just someone its your daughter.
Surely you should be able to say to your own daughter 'I don't like that, can I have something else' I mean, it's not like she's demanding you cook it for her

BathtimeFunkster · 18/12/2015 10:53

If the meat eaters wanted to go to McDonalds on the way home, that's their problem.

What a charming host you sound.

I will serve food at my wedding to please myself and what might please my guests is not my fucking problem.

Choosing not to eat meet (but still being AOK with animals being farmed) doesn't really put you in such an exalted moral position that you get to be shite to your friends and family and stI'll be in the right.

peggyundercrackers · 18/12/2015 11:00

i think your wrong - your trying to hold power over your mum. if you went to her house and she was serving a meat feast you would be expected to eat it or would you expect a vegetarian dish?

although you are a vegetarian this is a lifestyle choice - there is no medical reason you don't eat meat so you can eat it its just you don't want to. you are no different to your mother - she could eat a vegetarian meal but she just doesn't want to.

Kryptonite · 18/12/2015 11:00

Ooh, this is interesting reading. I did an identical thread last year under a different name and got flamed!
DH is veggie and does a lovely veggie Christmas dinner, but MIL always brings turkey round.
I basically said "would we be U to have a completely veggie Christmas dinner?"
Answers were all along the lines of "YABVU, it's Christmas dinner FGS!"
"Let her bring turkey, don't be so bloody mean."
Another said "we get it, you hate your MIL."
Anyway, we went with letting her bring turkey as everyone was so outraged.

Now this thread is all about YANBU, mum's being rude and completely different answers!
Maybe I should have said it was my mum and seen if the answers differed from mentioning MIL instead!

MrNoseybonk · 18/12/2015 11:04

*What a charming host you sound.

I will serve food at my wedding to please myself and what might please my guests is not my fucking problem.

But you've essentially said the same thing - I'll serve what I want, sod them. So you don't sound like a very charming host either.
I'm not okay with animals being farmed for meat so your second point is invalid.

motherinferior · 18/12/2015 11:05

And again: how do you lot feel about bringing pork to a Muslim/Jewish household, or beef to a Hindu one?

Or indeed suppose the OP's mum brought slaughtered poodle?

noeffingidea · 18/12/2015 11:08

kryptonite I was remembering your thread! Yes, there are some different responses this year. Mine is the same though. But then I am a vegetarian who cooks meat for my family all the time, so it's not a problem to me.

budgiegirl · 18/12/2015 11:11

Well said, peggy. I totally agree with this. I have a good friend who is a veggie, and he always cooks meat for our family when we visit ( I have told him it's unnecessary but he insists!). Similarly I always make a veggie option when his family visit us. It's called being a good host, and taking other people's views/preferences into account.

Let your mother bring her chicken, it won't hurt you and its Christmas ffs. She's family, if you can't relax and bend the 'rules' a bit with family, when can you?

BarbaraofSeville · 18/12/2015 11:13

I think it's ridiculous to expect vegetarians to serve meat or have it in the house/on the table if they don't want it.

Anyone who claims that they can't have one meal without meat needs to get over themselves.

When I saw the OP, I thought 'well that's just like taking pork to a Jewish or Muslim house' and surely no-one is insensitive enough to do that.

budgiegirl · 18/12/2015 11:14

When I saw the OP, I thought 'well that's just like taking pork to a Jewish or Muslim house' and surely no-one is insensitive enough to do that.

It's not the same at all, vegetarianism is a preference, not a religion.

Gileswithachainsaw · 18/12/2015 11:16

It's a choice. like religion though.

BarbaraofSeville · 18/12/2015 11:19

Religion is also a preference. Plenty of people abandon the religion they were born into, either partly or totally, once they are old enough to think for themselves.

Timri · 18/12/2015 11:20

This is very true, how many people need to be vegetarians?
There a VERY few things we do as adults that we need to do. You do not need to have a Christmas dinner at all, surely?
What will happen if you don't?
Are you going to burst into flames and burn in the eternal hellfire? No.
People don't need to do most things, we do them because we like to.
Very silly to talk about how no one needs to eat meat, Especially as humans as a species are omnivores, aren't we?

BathtimeFunkster · 18/12/2015 11:23

But you've essentially said the same thing - I'll serve what I want, sod them

I was parroting you.

I would never serve food to my guests that I thought would displease them.

The food at our wedding was chosen to appeal to as many of our guests as possible and we also made sure there were proper alternatives for our vegetarian, vegan, and gluten intolerant friends.

Because thinking "eat our superior food or fuck off and buy the nasty shite I disapprove of on the way home" is a horrible attitude to take to people you care about.

WeAllHaveWings · 18/12/2015 11:24

Not serving a Jewish person pork is completely different. Pork is one item in a food group, its like saying you wont serve tomatoes but you can have any other vegetable.

Removing an entire food group which most peoples diets are traditionally based on is completely different.

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