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AIBU?

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Original poster

Mother wants to bring a chicken to my vegetarian Christmas dinner

807 replies

queenofthepirates · 17/12/2015 20:41

That's kind of it in a nutshell. We've invited 10 people over for Christmas dinner including my mother. We're veggies and I've put together a lovely Scandi veggie menu. She's told me she's bringing a chicken and I've said please don't. Firstly because we're veggie and I don't really want a dead bird on the table and secondly I can't see why she can't last a few hours without meat.

My relationship with her is very strained this year, she's been pretty horrible to me and I'm getting to the end of my tether.

AIBU to tell her not to bring meat or stay at home? She could always come over after lunch if she's going to insist.

OP posts:
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MsButteryMash · 18/12/2015 09:31

She's asking

No, she told OP she was bringing a chicken. So rude!

MetalMidget · 18/12/2015 09:31

I'm a carnivore, and I think taking meat to a vegetarian's Christmas (or any) dinner is massively rude, especially if they've spent a long time cooking stuff! I'd appreciate the chance to try something a bit different, and if I didn't like it, I'd just gorge on dessert and maybe a chicken sandwich when I got back home! :D

I'm an atheist, but I'm pretty sure that the true meaning of Christmas isn't 'chicken'.

Marynary · 18/12/2015 09:32

Are you sure? I am 'older' as you state so pointedly and have very adventurous tastes. To me the menu sounds absolutely bowfing.

I haven't pointedly stated that you are "older" as I don't know how old you are. I don't know what "bowfing" means either. Regardless, whether or not you personally have "adventourous tastes" is irrelevant. In my experience "older people" e.g. 70s or 80s tend to be less "adventourous"

Nydj · 18/12/2015 09:33

To those saying it is the same as a vegetarian going to a non- veg house and expecting veggie food, I'd say you are using the wrong analogy - the correct comparison would be a veggie person going to a vegan person's home for a meal. As a vegetarian who eats a lot of dairy and loves cheese, if I were invited to a vegan household, I would not ask for, or expect any dairy food or offer to take along a non- vegan dish.

A friend of mine is wheat and gluten intolerant and again, I never serve anything with wheat or gluten when she visits and would not contemplate taking something with me when I visit her.

MsButteryMash · 18/12/2015 09:33

Aargh but Christmas pudding is not meat! It's one thing including different puddings that people like, but this is about introducing meat into a veggie home - totally different.

If Christmas pudding upset the host, it wouldn't be nice to insist on it being included, would it? But that doesn't generally happen with Christmas pudding. But it does with meat.

Tamponlady · 18/12/2015 09:34

Tbh I think the crux of this is veggie people thinking there veggie stuff is equivalent to meat well if your a meat eater it's not

I have tried in the past giving my husband and teen son who at massive meat fans fake bacon and sausages they could tell straight away

Son was like err these Sausages taste funny they ate then begrudged and said don't buy them again

And all these people saying how wonderful stuffed squash sounds on Christmas feed it you family instead of turkey then

Veggie food more me at least it mostly awful and sorry but mushroom Wellington is yuk espically when you know what beef Wellington tastes like

I once went to a vegtrain bbq and it was the single most depressing meal I ever had just fake meat and Diffrent salads I had not very much and stopped off a mc d on the way home.

I just hope when dear mum returnes the favour by doing a all meat platter at her house the op eats up because it's rude not toHmm

Timri · 18/12/2015 09:35

Also for all the sanctimonious lot screeching 'Christmas dinner doesn't need meat', unless you're a practising Christian, I don't see why you need to have Christmas dinner at all.

Tamponlady · 18/12/2015 09:36

Sorry it's just vile I wouldn't tolerate it on Christmas on my wedding or on my birthday

PurpleDaisies · 18/12/2015 09:37

I made my mum (60's) butternut squash risotto the other day and she had to ask me what the mysterious orange vegetable was. My in laws were also fascinated by butternut squash last time they were here because they'd never eaten it either (60's and 70's). They all enjoyed it though. I'm not sure if it is an age thing or that dh and I have an unadventurous set of parents.

MrNoseybonk · 18/12/2015 09:38

Our family is vegetarian and we have hosted PILs and BIL a few times at christmas.
PILs used to be vegetarian but MIL eats turkey at christmas, and BIL is a committed carnivore.
We haven't cooked or prepared turkey for MIL and BIL, but MIL pre-cooks turkey and brings it for their plates which they seem to be happy with.
We would not buy or cook meat for anyone though.
YANBU.

MsButteryMash · 18/12/2015 09:38

I don't like fake meat much (except quorn sausages) but there is loads and loads of food that is veggie - all vegetables, for starters. Some people on this thread are talking as if they only eat meat and couldn't possibly eat any of a meat-free meal. What bollocks, 90% of a traditional Christmas dinner isn't meat is it? You eat roasties, sprouts, carrots, cauliflower cheese or whatever.

Come on you're not tigers. It's perfectly possible to eat plant-based food for one meal. Or of course to decline the invite.

MrNoseybonk · 18/12/2015 09:40

Sorry it's just vile I wouldn't tolerate it on Christmas on my wedding or on my birthday

All the food at our wedding was vegetarian too, this was 18 years ago.
If the meat eaters wanted to go to McDonalds on the way home, that's their problem.

Tamponlady · 18/12/2015 09:41

Personally I think deep down veggies no there on to a hiding to nothing they 100%

That a dinner with out meat for a meat eater is not really worth borthering with by they want to make a stand and a fuss tbh

I couldn't be married to a veggie and if any of my children were to turn veggie they would be cooking and buying their own squahes

A Christmas dinner with out the main event meat is like Victoria with out David

Or a spliff without rizzola

IndridCold · 18/12/2015 09:41

Another committed meat eater here. I wouldn't dream of taking meat to a meal that was being hosted by a vegetarian, not even Christmas.

I would dread eating fake meat though, don't get fake meat at all when there are so many wonderful veggie things to eat!

Your menu sounds great btw OP!

Tamponlady · 18/12/2015 09:42

poster MrNoseybonk

And I don't see a issue with that view as long as when you go anywhere that caters for meat eaters you don't expect a veggie option and just to home with out fuss and eat quorn

MsButteryMash · 18/12/2015 09:43

A Christmas dinner with out the main event meat is like Victoria with out David

:o

Somehow I think I could cope even with that!

goodnessgraciousgoudaoriginal · 18/12/2015 09:44

I was a vegetarian for nearly ten years, and even now only eat meat very rarely.

However, I think you are being totally unreasonable. If you don't want "a dead bird" on your table (which is quite precious tbh), then you could always ask her to pre cut the meat and just bring enough for her. You could even put it in terms of "as there won't be place on the table for a whole chicken" or whatever.

Presumably you expect people to allow you to bring a vegetarian option with you when you eat at theirs, or to cook you a vegetarian option. If I went to the home of someone who didn't drink for christmas I would be pretty Hmm if they said no-one else was allowed to bring any alcohol.

MrNoseybonk · 18/12/2015 09:45

And I don't see a issue with that view as long as when you go anywhere that caters for meat eaters you don't expect a veggie option and just to home with out fuss and eat quorn

What are you talking about? A restaurant? Most of them have veggie options these days. I wouldn't go to a steakhouse and expect a veggie option though, why would I?
And stop your obsession with quorn and fake meat, as others have said there is much more to vegetarian food than that.

derxa · 18/12/2015 09:46

Sorry Mary Didn't wish to cause offence but I was reading a thread on here yesterday about ageism. We seem to be assuming that the DM is a prim lady in her 70s. She could easily be under 50.

Bowfing/bowfin'
Scottish slang; digusting, horrible or unsightly pronounced like, "how", a servants "bow" etc

Tamponlady · 18/12/2015 09:50

I assume you go out to dinner at people's houses or weddings

And I also assume you point out your vegetarian if you point holds true then why on earth would you do this surely you would just eat what your given or just not eat the meat

At our wedding there was a person who only ate fish ffs it cost us at a lot of expense to have his meal made up eveyone else was having chicken

And tbh there really isn't it's just veg and fake meat stuffed whatever and fake meats that's eat any dish you name will be some sort of veg and or fake meat the mind also boggles if you don't like meat why you would want the rubbish version I hate leather I would then go and buy pleather

Dumbledoresgirl · 18/12/2015 09:51

I realise Christmas pudding isn't meat. I realise it doesn't have the same offensiveness to me that meat does to the OP. That wasn't the point of my post.

Someone said 'I'm pretty sure the meaning of Christmas is not chicken.' No, the meaning of Christmas is goodwill to all mankind/people. That includes your unpleasant mother who at least is not unpleasant enough to not warrant an invitation to dinner on Christmas Day.

I would not ask a vegetarian to cook meat. But to begrudge her bringing a portion to put on her plate, to make the meal feel more in keeping with what she expects at Christmas? That is not in keeping with the spirit of Christmas.

It doesn't matter if the mother is merely trying to point score. Let her. The OP needs to be the better person here.

FannyTheChampionOfTheWorld · 18/12/2015 09:51

I think quite a lot of peoples Christmas dinner would involve rather more than 10% meat actually mash. Its not just the relatively big portions of meat, pig in blankets etc. The vegetable sides are often not veggie either eg spuds roasted in animal fat. Even the desserts sometimes contain animal fat! There really isn't any getting around the fact that the traditional British Christmas meal is very animal product heavy. I like vegetables, I also like Indian veggie food so much that DH and I frequent a restaurant dedicated to it with no meat on the premises. I still understand that the food customs associated with Christmas involve a great deal of dead animal.

GoldQuintessenceAndMyrrh · 18/12/2015 09:52

She is rude, your menu sounds lovely! (Not sure what is Scandinavian about it, other than potatoes and serving on a chopping board Xmas Grin - At least Norway is very meat, one veg and potato heavy!)

MrNoseybonk · 18/12/2015 09:54

*I assume you go out to dinner at people's houses or weddings

And I also assume you point out your vegetarian if you point holds true then why on earth would you do this surely you would just eat what your given or just not eat the meat*

Sometimes, yes, and everybody knows we are vegetarians, many people are so for a wedding they aren't catering just for us anyway.
I don't get your second point, we get given a vegetarian option and eat what we're given.

At our wedding there was a person who only ate fish ffs it cost us at a lot of expense to have his meal made up eveyone else was having chicken

You could have always not invited them.

And tbh there really isn't it's just veg and fake meat stuffed whatever and fake meats that's eat any dish you name will be some sort of veg and or fake meat the mind also boggles if you don't like meat why you would want the rubbish version I hate leather I would then go and buy pleather

You're wrong. Fake meat is an easy option but not the only one.
Last night I had a mixed bean casserole with quinoa. No "leather" at all.

villainousbroodmare · 18/12/2015 09:59

Have not rtft but, while I think YANBU, I'd see this as the last chance you'll have this year to have a happy time with your mother. I'd let her bring the chicken, I'd let her put it wherever she wishes alongside all your food - you won't be eating it, and presumably you manage to get over the presence of dead animals in shops, restaurants etc - and I'd try to be really nice. The chippier she is, the more I'd try.

I think that's the meaning of Christmas, making the best of what each person brings to the occasion.

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