Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell a child on train to chew with their mouth closed?

146 replies

Vanderwaals · 17/12/2015 07:18

(Inspired by another thread)
Yes I know there are far more annoying occurrences on train.
But yesterday, on the way home from work, there was a child (age 10ish) sat behind me on the train eating crisps and munching very loudly with their mouth open. He was sat next to his mother (I presume) who said nothing.
Would I be unreasonable to tell them to chew with his mouth closed?
Btw I genuinely have misophonia and noises like that make me rage/want to cry

OP posts:
fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 17/12/2015 17:44

As for the other stuff.sheer ignorance

Sirzy · 17/12/2015 17:45

But the feeding them crisps may be about so much more than hunger, some children don't Cope well with public transport so something like a packet of crisps can help distract them.

You must remember that your experience with special needs is just that, it's your experience please don't assume everyone is the same. Great you can control meltdowns but not everyone can.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 17/12/2015 17:47

People with SN affecting their chewing don't have a "personal responsibility to eat quietly".

If they are unable to eat quietly ..like my DD..then they still have entirely the same right to eat in places as anyone NT who can eat properly can.

Just a wee thing called equal rights and tolerance.

Anyone who would expect someone not to eat because they had SN and couldn't eat quietly would be a giant wank badger of the highest order (and I have misophonia)

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 17/12/2015 17:49

As for the controlling meltdowns nonsense I am pretty sure people would rather hear my DD quietly munching crisps than her screaming loudly for food. As she would.

No way saying the boy in OP had SN. As if we can know that.

Just addressing some of the toss on the thread.

Dawndonnaagain · 17/12/2015 17:49

have the responsibility to walk away and remove myself from the situation when I feel myself getting upset. Everyone does
Good for you. Everyone doesn't. As I said, bollocks.

Senpai · 17/12/2015 17:49

You must remember that your experience with special needs is just that, it's your experience please don't assume everyone is the same. Great you can control meltdowns but not everyone can.

I can't control meltdowns. I can control removing myself from the situation before before I meltdown. That's what I'm trying to say. SN means finding a different path, not acting like NT.

I do understand that distractions are good, and frankly I'd move seats instead of making it a deal. I'm just challenging the "Well, it's better than a meltdown" platitude that keeps popping up on MN. Most obnoxious kids are NT and obnoxious, not struggling with a SN.

AtSea1979 · 17/12/2015 17:50

Not read all the thread but my DS cannot breath properly through his nose so he often sounds like a horse when breathing through his mouth and eating.
I would be furious if you told my DS off for trying to breath.

Senpai · 17/12/2015 17:50

Good for you. Everyone doesn't. As I said, bollocks.

Really? So if someone melted down and exploded at the child due to a SN it would be ok because they have a SN?

I'm going to challenge that and say no.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 17/12/2015 17:51

Yes SN doesn't mean obnoxious. Thanks for stating obvious.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 17/12/2015 17:53

Err a meltdown is losing control. That's the whole point Hmm

Dawndonnaagain · 17/12/2015 17:55

Really? So if someone melted down and exploded at the child due to a SN it would be ok because they have a SN?

'That's not what I said, Senpai. What I said was not everyone has the control you have. *

Senpai · 17/12/2015 17:56

Err a meltdown is losing control. That's the whole point hmm

So, it's ok to explode at a child if someone lost control? Or would you expect them to remove themselves before they got to that point?

Somehow I get the feeling if someone exploded at your DD you would not be so understanding.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 17/12/2015 17:57

I'm understanding all the time when DD has to deal with kids having meltdowns at school.

I don't think "oh they should have removed themselves' Hmm

Senpai · 17/12/2015 17:58

'That's not what I said, Senpai. What I said was not everyone has the control you have.

I. CAN. NOT. CONTROL. HAVING. A. MELTDOWN.

I can control WALKING AWAY.

That's all I expect from people. I would not give someone a free pass for screaming at me, and neither would you.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 17/12/2015 17:58

I dont expect people with SN affecting their ability to control themselves. .to exercise control. Funnily enough

Dawndonnaagain · 17/12/2015 17:59

I'm understanding when I see people have meltdowns because I have three children with an ASc. I've also been involved with teaching student doctors about ASCs, development of best practice and equalities legislation.

Senpai · 17/12/2015 18:00

Fanjo Your child has severe SN dealing with people with severe SN. It's not the same as a high functioning person without a carer doing that.

Dawndonnaagain · 17/12/2015 18:00

I can control WALKING AWAY.

As I said, good for you, there are many people who cannot. Which bit of that are you not getting?

Dawndonnaagain · 17/12/2015 18:01

FFS. A high functioning person with a carer may not manage that.

Senpai · 17/12/2015 18:05

As I said, good for you, there are many people who cannot. Which bit of that are you not getting?

Because BEFORE they are in meltdown mode, YES THEY CAN. BEFORE they get UPSET. I'm not asking them to function through a meltdown.

But fine. I would not tolerate a person screaming at me. I grew up with a mother who had PTSD who would explode. Yes, I do hold it against her even though it's a disability. You can walk away. There is NEVER an excuse to subject a human being to that. I won't pretend that there is.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 17/12/2015 18:05

What Dawn said

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 17/12/2015 18:06

High functioning people can have just as severe meltdowns which they find just as hard to control.

Dawndonnaagain · 17/12/2015 18:08

Because BEFORE they are in meltdown mode, YES THEY CAN. BEFORE they get UPSET. I'm not asking them to function through a meltdown.
One of the things about having an ASC is being unable to predict when and where, what the triggers are (different for all). So, if you are unable to predict the meltdown you are unable to walk away.

Sirzy · 17/12/2015 18:23

senpai perhaps it is worth remembering the quote "when you have met one person with autism you have met one person with autism"

You can't expect everyone to be the same as you. They aren't. Not everyone can control things the same way as you can.

Senpai · 17/12/2015 18:27

Meltdowns don't just go from "Oh I'm so happy today!" to a light switch rage. By the time a person has a melt down, they were already feeling stressed or overwhelmed. It's learning to identify when they are stressed and walking off to get a coffee or decompress another way. It's not about waiting until you're at the breaking point and setting yourself up for failure when surprise, breaking point breaks.

Fine, they may not be able to walk away, but they can still take steps to stay relaxed before it comes to that point where they'd need to walk away in the first place. A reasonable adult knows what annoys them and what doesn't. If I know buses annoy me, I'm going to bring headphones to tune people out. If I know noises annoy me, I'm going to shop during "dead" hours when it's less crowded or bring something to distract me. I'm not going to go to a stressful place without some sort of "exit strategy" planned before I get upset. That is not a lot to ask of people. It's really not.