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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell a child on train to chew with their mouth closed?

146 replies

Vanderwaals · 17/12/2015 07:18

(Inspired by another thread)
Yes I know there are far more annoying occurrences on train.
But yesterday, on the way home from work, there was a child (age 10ish) sat behind me on the train eating crisps and munching very loudly with their mouth open. He was sat next to his mother (I presume) who said nothing.
Would I be unreasonable to tell them to chew with his mouth closed?
Btw I genuinely have misophonia and noises like that make me rage/want to cry

OP posts:
honkinghaddock · 17/12/2015 11:19

My fil does this sometimes since he had a stroke. My sil tells him he is doing it but if a member of the public said something to him she would have a go at them.

Sirzy · 17/12/2015 11:44

goodnight There is a time and a place to point out bad manners family teachers etc not rude but a stranger on a train that is rude.

This.

It isn't a strangers place to try to tell someone else how to behave.

If you don't like the sound of someone eating then move away from them.

Gileswithachainsaw · 17/12/2015 11:46

And how do people feel about say staff members. they are strangers but some things cannot be allowed to happen regardless if reasons why they are happening. are people generally ok with staff members refusing service or requesting a person stops something or leaves etc

kissmethere · 17/12/2015 12:01

Yes you would BU. He and mum probably totally oblivious but it seems pretty nasty, as annoying as it is, to turn around to a child and tell them their chewing is bothering you. I'd be livid if someone did that to my child.

Sirzy · 17/12/2015 12:01

It depends what and how it is asked.

If someone was asked to leave just for eating with their mouth open then no that wouldn't be reasonable.

honkinghaddock · 17/12/2015 12:08

It depends what the behaviour is. If someone is behaving in a dangerous, destructive or threatening way in a public place then they should have to leave. If it is just anti social I think it's part of working with the public.

Gileswithachainsaw · 17/12/2015 12:15

I doubt someone would he asked to leave over that.

however complaints are sometimes received, sonetimes justified, sometimes not so much. staff usually do their best to distinguish what is an unreasonable request from some snooty bugger and what requires some action.

what I do feel is unreasonable is that people are expected to put up with all sorts or they are intolerant ir judging or whatever. yet when drs can miss a diagnosis fir years somehow staff working on a train or in a cafe are supposed to know whether or not someone can help something and how best to deal with things appropriately.

no one sets out (well I don't and I don't expect others do either ) to offend or upset people or to make life harder for someone already struggling with things that make.life in general hard.

however staffs responsibility is to try and help everyone to have a comfortable or pleasant experience.

it's great people have the train of thought to think that there may he sone reason behind it. but there are also plenty of people who are just ill mannered rude smelly and disgusting and disrespectful. and as good said, unless someone speaks up and makes these people aware of how inappropriate their actions are they won't ever know.

a week ago I was sworn at within 5 mins of starting my shift.

do I take it because the guy might have something wrong with him or do I ask him to leave became his behaviour is unacceptable.

chewing, as gross as it is is fairly minor in the scheme if things. but if MN o's to be believed there are sone very extreme behaviours people are expected to tolerate. so where do you draw the line in letting things slide or doing something about it

honkinghaddock · 17/12/2015 12:21

I would class being sworn at as threatening behaviour and it would be quite reasonable to chuck them out (unless they have a carer with them).

goggleboxismygod · 17/12/2015 13:07

YANBU.

If people don't say anything, how does anyone know that it is annoying? I think as he was only 10, maybe saying something to the mother would have been more appropriate but I don't think politeness-enforced apathy makes life a particularly great experience for anyone.

gandalf456 · 17/12/2015 13:10

Crisps are hard to eat quietly even with your mouth shut so you are being unreasonable. I know it is slightly annoying but it's not big enough for a deal in my opinion for someone to say something. I would either have moved if there was space, or silently ranted to myself

iminshock · 17/12/2015 13:19

You should have reprimanded the child AND slapped him hard. Wink

Gottagetmoving · 17/12/2015 13:22

YABU
He was not doing it to annoy you. He could have a problem that means he can't eat with his mouth closed. Who knows?
You had to tolerate him just once in your life.
Learn tolerance.

Jw35 · 17/12/2015 13:23

Well that wouldn't do it but I'd silently applaud someone who did! Grin

thickgit · 17/12/2015 16:59

Move seats, quite simply. I would not accept anyone telling my children how to eat.

DoJo · 17/12/2015 17:17

Autistic people can't help meltdowns. They can walk away if they feel one coming on.

Really? This has not been true amongst those that I know.

Dawndonnaagain · 17/12/2015 17:22

Autistic people can't help meltdowns. They can walk away if they feel one coming on.
WTAF?
.

Dawndonnaagain · 17/12/2015 17:27

Even if a kid has SN's... Just wait until you're off the bus to give them a bag of noisy snacks. There's no reason to crunch obnoxiously on the bus where people have no option to walk away.
You do know you're talking complete bollocks, don't you?

SauvignonBlanche · 17/12/2015 17:28

Are you taking the piss Senpai? Hmm

Senpai · 17/12/2015 17:37

Really? This has not been true amongst those that I know.

Unless they have a carer, yes they are high functioning enough to be able to remove themselves from a triggering situation. Same with people with PTSD who can't help being triggered and exploding. Even people with SN's have personal responsibility.

I have ADHD, which fucks up emotional regulation and has the same meltdown problems ASD has. Does it make it ok for me to suddenly explode at people? No. It does not. There would be no excuse for turning around and laying into a child chewing chips even though, I have a SN that causes impulse control problems.

I have the responsibility to walk away and remove myself from the situation when I feel myself getting upset. Everyone does.

MerdeAlor · 17/12/2015 17:38

Some horrible disablist stuff on this thread.

My son has SN and eats noisily. If someone critised or reprimanded him in public I'd be bloody furious and make them feel as humiliated as they made my son feel.

MerdeAlor · 17/12/2015 17:41

Senpai - please don't assume you can talk on behalf of everyone with SN. You can't.

Senpai · 17/12/2015 17:42

My point wasn't not to melt down on a bus.

It was prevent melt down in the first place by keeping your child fed. A NT tummy feels hunger the same as an ASD one. They don't need noisy chips.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 17/12/2015 17:43

I have misophonia too so I feel your pain.

However you'd still be U to ask.

Maybe he had a blocked nose or adenoid trouble.

VulcanWoman · 17/12/2015 17:43

I think you'd be out of order to say something. Tolerance my dear.

NewLife4Me · 17/12/2015 17:44

I'm sorry OP if you'd have said anything to my child I'd have slapped you. I presume you were in a nice area Grin
What on earth makes you think you have a right to discipline other people's children Shock