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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell a child on train to chew with their mouth closed?

146 replies

Vanderwaals · 17/12/2015 07:18

(Inspired by another thread)
Yes I know there are far more annoying occurrences on train.
But yesterday, on the way home from work, there was a child (age 10ish) sat behind me on the train eating crisps and munching very loudly with their mouth open. He was sat next to his mother (I presume) who said nothing.
Would I be unreasonable to tell them to chew with his mouth closed?
Btw I genuinely have misophonia and noises like that make me rage/want to cry

OP posts:
SilverdaleGlen · 17/12/2015 07:52

YABU that's not very British, you need to thtow a haughty disapproving glare instead. that's what I do.

Oh and at the mothrr not the child

BugritAndTidyup · 17/12/2015 07:59

What Sitzy said about SEN, basically. My DD has SEN too and I just wish there was a bit less fucking judgement in the world, a bit more thought or consideration before you shoot the parent or the child a dirty look that actually maybe there's a underlying reason.

So sick of the 'oh but I didn't mean people with Special Needs, of course,' as if they are not people like everyone else. As if you have magical fucking eyes that filter them out before you cast judgement. But of course you don't, do you? You're judging them for something they cannot help or control, heaping yet another pile of shit on people who really don't need any more, forcing them to either put up with it or go handwringing to you like a fucking supplicant to explain their disability so that you can pay them on the head benignly and say 'oh well of course I didn't mean you.'

BugritAndTidyup · 17/12/2015 08:00

Not aimed at anyone in particular btw. Just a general rant at the world

Gileswithachainsaw · 17/12/2015 08:05

People can't help what annoys then. though can they Confused

we can help what we do or don't do about it but habits don't stop being annoying just because you run through a list of senario in.your head about what might be making them do it.

notenoughbottle · 17/12/2015 08:06

YANBU to find it annoying but you would have been U if you had said anything. After all there may have been a reason the child was eating like that.

theycallmemellojello · 17/12/2015 08:07

I think to an extent you can't help what annoys you, but to an extent you can foster an attitude of tolerance and give people the benefit of the doubt.

HippyChickMama · 17/12/2015 08:07

YABU. My 8 year old ds has dyspraxia and hypermobility syndrome, a stranger wouldn't know this by looking at him but it means he struggles to close his mouth and chew at the same time. I've reminded him countless times to close his mouth while eating but he can't manage it for more than a few seconds at a time. Now, the child on the train probably doesn't have a motor problem but you don't know that so saying something would make you unreasonable.

RoseDog · 17/12/2015 08:08

People eating noisily with their mouth open drives me really mad and my 12 year old daughter does it, she has no choice her teeth are not where they are supposed to be and she can't physically eat with her mouth closed, at least after about 3 years of treatment it should be sorted for her!

YANBU to want to say something but YWBU to actually say it I think

ArmchairTraveller · 17/12/2015 08:08

Exactly Giles, my children have learnt to know their triggers and have developed strategies to avoid a loss of control or meltdown.
Some of which involve headphones or moving.
Because some of the triggers are common activities for the general population.

Gileswithachainsaw · 17/12/2015 08:09

But why does the tolerance only go one way.

so people have to be aware that those around them.can t help what they are doing.

yet no one seems to think about modifying their behaviour incase someone has a condition and finds it irrationally annoying/unbearable

theycallmemellojello · 17/12/2015 08:09

And there are lots of reasons beyond sn why someone might eat in a way you don't like - a bad cold, coming from a culture without the mouth closed norm etc.

ArmchairTraveller · 17/12/2015 08:10

Some behaviour can't be modified though, so the person being irritated needs to do something about it for themselves.

OldFarticus · 17/12/2015 08:11

I think YANBU to find it annoying and ideally YWNBU to say something to the child BUT having bollocked a child in Starbucks last week and unleashed hell from the rancid gob of her mother, I would probably just buy noise-cancelling headphones...

(The child had picked up a lolly, unwrapped it, licked it all over, then put it back in its wrapper and on the shelf...for someone else )

BugritAndTidyup · 17/12/2015 08:11

No, but finding something annoying doesn't mean having to shoot someone dirty looks. Especially when it's a child.

It's something you find annoying. It will have stopped in twenty minutes and you won't ever have to put up with it again. For the parent it may be the thing that makes it just that little bit harder to cope and get through the day.

theycallmemellojello · 17/12/2015 08:12

Yes, of course tolerance goes both ways. It is a good idea to make an effort not to upset people! But the op was asking about whether she should tell off a child, not whether she should modify her eating habits. If the question had been, should I eat quietly on public transport so as not to annoy others, of
Course the answer would be yes.

BugritAndTidyup · 17/12/2015 08:16
Confused

so people have to be aware that those around them.can t help what they are doing.

yet no one seems to think about modifying their behaviour incase someone has a condition and finds it irrationally annoying/unbearable

You acknowledge that people can't help their behaviour. And then you expect them to modify it anyway?

Littleredhouse · 17/12/2015 08:17

You're not unreasonable to be irritated - loud eating is annoying - but a friend's son has problems with his nasal passages, meaning that he can only breathe through his mouth and therefore makes eating very noisy. So I would never say anything in case there was an issue like this...

SoWhite · 17/12/2015 08:17

If you have problems with people chewing, you remove yourself. People chew, you're the one with the issue with that very normal everyday activity. Who gives a fuck if it wasn't done to your standard? I'd have given you a right earful had you asked me to chew differently.

Senpai · 17/12/2015 08:19

But what if he has.... special needs??? Shock

Srsly though. Do it.

I would.

Lucymatilde · 17/12/2015 08:20

do you make a lot of noise when you chew, or do you not know or care?

whois · 17/12/2015 08:21

Telling a random kid sitting on the bus - YABU

Telling your relative, friends child etc who is eating with you st home or a restaurant - YANBU

Sirzy · 17/12/2015 08:23

If Ds could modify his eating behaviour he would. Some things are out of people's control no matter how much parents pester they try.

Just the same as even though Ds struggles to tolerate certain noises I wouldn't expect other people in public places to a) be aware of this (although the meltdowns may be an indicator!) and b) modify their behaviour. If I know he is struggling then I will remove him from the situation as best as possible.

museumum · 17/12/2015 08:24

Yes Lucy when I eat crisps they crunch. I don't have my mouth open after the bit where I put the crisp in. I am not a pig. But crisps are crunchy.

Gileswithachainsaw · 17/12/2015 08:26

What I mean is on these threads people feel others should accept it as they may not be able to help it yet there's little concern fir the fact that the op can't help but be annoyed due to their own issues.

everyone who can help it should just try and conduct themselves appropriately and 90 percent of these situations wouldn't happen.

like don't get drunk and sleazy and harass me on a train.....

and I will sit quietly where I am.and hope not to get harassed Grin

futureme · 17/12/2015 08:27

I don't think chewing noisily or with the mouth open is "normal everyday activity" that should be acceptable to be honest. Do any mumsnetters really think this is ok and they do it? (special needs accepted of course but in reality lots of people do this that just dont realise I think.)

Were people never taught its rude/along with table manners?

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