To tell a child on train to chew with their mouth closed?

[Vanderwaals]

(Inspired by another thread)
Yes I know there are far more annoying occurrences on train.
But yesterday, on the way home from work, there was a child (age 10ish) sat behind me on the train eating crisps and munching very loudly with their mouth open. He was sat next to his mother (I presume) who said nothing.
Would I be unreasonable to tell them to chew with his mouth closed?
Btw I genuinely have misophonia and noises like that make me rage/want to cry

This makes me so sad, my daughters mouth is the wrong shape due to a birth defect, she literally can't close her mouth when she is eating. The thought that adults are judging her when the problem is actually theirs and not hers is terrible, you should be ashamed of yourselves.

Don't know if I'd have been brave enough but I'd definitely want to!

Yuk! It's completely antisocial, much much worse than some other annoying train behaviour. And if it was some kind of SN the mum would have been promoting him to eat more politely etc, not just ignoring it.

If you have your mouth closed after the initial sticking in then you are not making unreasonable noise, unless you have a very hollow head. Though in my opinion it is slightly anti-social to eat crisps on a crowded train. Slightly. For the smell as much as the noise. But very anti-social to eat them in an excessively open mouthed and noisily way. And yes of course I would not apply those judgments if I knew a child could not help it for any of the reasons set out in this thread. Though maybe I'd avoid crisps on crowded trains in those circumstances. But maybe not. I'm sure there can be good reasons for any behaviour. But more often than not it's just ignorance. And in all honesty I probably would sit and seethe rather than say anything anyway.

Even if a kid has SN's... Just wait until you're off the bus to give them a bag of noisy snacks. There's no reason to crunch obnoxiously on the bus where people have no option to walk away.

I would suspect most people don't like it and would just cringe and say nothing and are justifying their inaction.

Yes because a child having a meltdown because they are hungry is much better isn't it!

I have misophonia so I empathise but frankly saying "I looked checking it wasn't a pig" referring to a child makes you a vile human being... what a lovely reference to a child. .... because audio irritation justifies vile horrible thought processes like that

If you don't suffer from misophonia it's difficult to understand how far beyond simply annoying your trigger sounds are. If I hear people chewing loudly it makes me either want to rip my own ears off or stab the offender. Luckily for me I've found that chewing noises don't bother me if I'm chewing at the same time so having emergency chewing gum for those times I'm struggling helps keep me out of prison.

And before anyone has a go about wanting to violently kill anyone making 'annoying' noises - I do know that it would be completely unacceptable but it more or less brings out a fight or flight response in me. Hence the coping strategies.

Yes because a child having a meltdown because they are hungry is much better isn't it!

My toddler melts down when she's hungry too. She can't help it.

I either:

• Make sure she's fed before leaving.
• Pack quiet non-messy snacks.
• Or have her eat outside before getting on the bus.

There is a way to both avoid a meltdown and avoid anti-social behavior. Imagine that. A little planning goes a long way.

Having SN's only means you find a different path to solving a problem, not saying "fuck it, I'll do what I want". SN doesn't mean they have no sentient thought or self control of their own. Autistic people can't help meltdowns. They can walk away if they feel one coming on. That's the difference.

Yanbu. I'd hate this too, noisy eating is like scraping your nails down a chalkboard to me. I would ask "are you enjoying those crisps? " usual response would be "yes" to which my reply would be "sounds like it".

I have to say If that was my 10 year old and you did that with me present. I would tell you that as his mother I was fully capable of raising my child and didn't need the " help" of some stranger on a train.

Many of us will say I have x y z and almost use this as an excuse to expect everyone else to change our behavior. I am not saying that sometimes there is not a cause for this, however sometimes the person with a issue needs to change their behavior.

My dh has exceptionally good hearing. He has had to learn to cope with this and not constantly having to ask people to hush as he finds them to loud. Similar issue to yours however he would never turn around to some stranger and tell them their behavior was unacceptable because it caused and issue for him.

I personally find it utterly unacceptable that people burb and laugh, make a joke of it or ignore it in public. However I do not say anything unless it is done in my house. THEN I make it perfectly clear I will not tolerate that in my house. my ds is almost 14 he ensures his friends knows this before they come to our house.

weird thing is I can deal and ignore a child having massive tantrums. I'm just grateful it's not my child.

but sit behind me with your heavy breathing.....

I serve someone at work who dribbles and spits as he talks. it makes me feel quite sick

I know he can't help it. I'm. not rude about it. but the tiny puddles on the counter make me feel nauseous all the same.

in fact spitting makes me feel sick too

Gileswithachainsaw Same with me. I can easily tune out screaming children, as it's the same "people noise". But chips are a completely new noise I have to process and if you're chewing with your mouth open it smells and that's another thing on an already crowded and unpleasant bus.

So on a personal note, yes I'd rather listen to a melt down than chips.

But it really doesn't hurt to just turn around and ask the kid nicely to chew quietly. You don't need to lecture someone else's kid, and most kids respond well to direct requests, even after their mothers have finished moaning about you daring to say something.

Only on Mumsnet would this sort of thing become such a hotbed of debate!

It would be bloody rude of you.

I have misophonia, too, and was really struggling with a guy slurping sweets on a bus, once. I then realised that he and his mate were signing to each other so he obviously couldn't hear himself.

Of course, while it would have been rude and unfair of me to object to this guy's noises, I reserve the right to chuck cushions at dh when he eats with his headphones on and makes disgusting eating and breathing noises.

Gloria - in real life I'd never be rude enough as to call a friend/ someone on the train up on it! I'd be thinking it though.

I do remind my kids though. I do think like other manners it needs to be taught.

I wouldn't say anything. If you have misophonia, you need to take steps to manage your feelings, ear infection or no. You can't say "I didn't wear my headphones today because of an ear infection" and then (surprise, surprise!) say "Someone making chewing noises annoyed me!" Of course they would, you should have expected that.

However I am rolling my eyes at the usual MN suggestions of "maybe the child has SN or a specifically shaped mouth that means they can't close their mouth while eating!" and that that, as usual, is the default response instead of "has been brought up with no manners", which, despite what most MNetters believe, is much more likely.

As I said on a recent post, even if these things ARE caused by SN, it does not stop the act itself being anti-social and gross. We can be sympathetic towards people with these conditions but it does not stop our "eww" reflex. Why the hell would it? You can be understanding AND grossed out at the same time. We as humans have a wide and complex range of emotions. Posters going "how DARE you judge this person, you have no idea what they're going through!" are hugely minimising this.

exactly good

I've worked serving the public for over twenty years. I can safely assure you that the majority of people are just disgusting. and actually sone were disabled or had SN but weren't disgusting as a result of those problems they were disgusting because they chose to do something that was disgusting

a disability might mean fir instance that you can't help but spill your pint as your hands are a bit shake. but it's not the disability or SN that made you drink til you vomited all over the carpet or shove your dirty underwear down the back of the sink.

I understand some may have toilet issues. but those issues can't account fir shit being smeared all over the walls whilst the toilet itself is clean so muggins here has to clean it off.

as you say we can't help what makes us feel icky. it's just down to us how we deal with it.

Senpai does your toddler have severe autism? If not I would suggest you don't know what you are talking about.

You would be unreasonable to say something sn or not.
It is rude , chewing with your mouth open is rude but being rude to call out bad manners is counter productive.
I agree that not everything is down to sn like some people say. Some people just struggle with manners. It doesn't matter either way as it is wrong to point it out.

And if your toddler does have autism you have got a lot to learn.

Yanbu to tell your own child.
Yabu to tell someone else's. Although I can understand why you would want too.

Look away, pretend you're deaf and think happy thoughts.

but being rude to call out bad manners is counter productive.

That's a very British way of looking at it. If nobody ever told anybody else that what they did was socially unacceptable, we'd all be running about in diapers, swearing, spitting, and generally being repulsive.

Some parents struggle with manners, yes, so they don't correct their children, who then in turn struggle with manners. And in 10 years when the kid is struggling to get a job because they're sitting in the interview room, slouching, biting their nails and picking their nose, or are struggling to find a partner because they don't wipe off their own skidmarks from their underwear or, yes, chew with their mouth open - well, at least no one was so RUDE as to point out their disgusting habits. They can carry on in blissful disgusting ignorance.

goodnight There is a time and a place to point out bad manners family teachers etc not rude but a stranger on a train that is rude.

But, as in my point above, if family DON'T do it, why should the rest of society have to put up with their bad manners? And it's likely that if parents don't correct, then they won't be happy about little Bobby's teacher correcting him either.

I don't understand why the onus is on everybody else to put up with unpleasant behaviour - why pulling them up on it is, by some mysterious set of rules, MORE rude than what the chewer is doing?