Where do you stand on this one...

[Marilynsbigsister]

I'm not going to NC but will be slightly oblique about circumstances as quite identifying . Two very young 20 yr olds in a relationship. Been together 3 months. Male at Uni but lives at home, female working also living at home. The boy has mentioned to his parents (actually his mum mostly) that cracks are starting to appear because she is keen to move on to the next level and is putting the pressure on to get a flat together and 'settle down'. Boy has told her 'definitely not at the moment' his plans include post graduate study abroad for a couple of years . Anyway, the dilemma.. 2 days after the 'settle down' conversation, there was a contraception failure. Condom split, (apparently it was not just a small tear but from top all way to base. ) Boy has been taught from early on that he must be responsible for his own fertility and insisted on condoms as he is adamant he doesn't want children yet although gf is on the pill. Boy is now beside himself with worry, he begged his gf to go with him to get morning after pill. Gf reaction has been to refuse saying that if she gets pregnant against all these odds then it is meant to be . Boy is the sort to do the right thing. Would give up career goals of he had children to support. I know all the ins and outs because mum is close relative. Mum believes gf is manipulating her son into parenthood because this happened literally a couple of days after discussing settling down. What is the right thing to do if she is pregnant. ? Does he give up his plans and support a child he does not wish to have, took precautions to avoid and made his feelings very clear BEFORE conception. Or does he suck it up, leave Uni and get a job to support the child and learn never again have sex with someone he doesn't want to have a child with. ? For my part I have met the gf a few times so not enough to form an opinion except that she is much more mature than her boyfriend. (My relative is livid and truly believes she 'doctored the condoms - which would be impossible - she is too angry to be logical !)
BTW she was due AF on Monday. Apparently there are pts that are accurate to a few days late so all a bit tense in female relatives household at the moment.

Candles OP if she did leave, and states tomorrow she is pregnant. Then her your Dsis to get her to come and visit to talk about it, don't give her a heads up, but when she gets there give her a digital test so you can work out how pregnant she is so you can talk about the future. But draw a picture with a sharpie/ write a word in different colours etc on the test. So she can't come prepared with a eBay bought stick, preggers mates urine. Then you'll know. If she can't pee just wait until she can.

This has to be one of the most despicable things I've ever read on MN. Are you really suggesting someone should be BULLIED into doing a pregnancy test to suit somebody else's ends? As others have said on this thread, the contents of the girl's uterus are fuck all to do with anyone else.

With the exception of a few posters, this thread has some vile, misogynistic viewpoints.

Yes, Pyjama. No more young and rich student boys in white tie fucking the local girls and then buggering off leaving them to mother-and baby homes or the state or nobody to look after, depending on the decade.

Sex in a trustful and equal relationship, what's not to like?

Hmm, calling them a manipulating fruitcake and indicating your intention to abandon your child with next to no financial support kind of suggests you dont give a shit about them. Or maybe i'm bad at reading the signs?

Lot of bitter, prune-faced man-haters on this thread.

How mature.

Man haters, unlikely, I have two lovely sons.

I sincerely hope that when they are grown up they think about who they are having sex with and the potential consequences.

I would be very upset if one of my sons abandoned a child they had created just because it wasn't fair.

Agree, Maryz. There seems to be a certain hostility toward the notion of men enjoying recreational sex.

Exactly rudeelf giving a shit means sometimes accepting that life isn't always fair and that you have to accept some changes.

Biology means that this issue can never be 100% fair, but women still have the biggest consequences by far.

Lot of bitter, prune-faced man-haters on this thread.

What a nasty, vindictive, misogynist and inflammatory insult, LeaLeander. I will discount everything you say on this and any other thread immediately.

i wonder why men have less choices

why has there not been a pill for men to take or injections made available

why because not enough research has been done on this and basically it was considered up until very recently a woman problem if she gets pregnant. plus it is ok for women to suffer with side effects like loss of sex drive, weight gain, mood swings, headaches etc etc when taking the pill but that just would not be acceptable for men to suffer in such a way

man haters its has taken 12 pages for someone to throw that rather pathetic insult

There seems to be a certain hostility toward the notion of men enjoying recreational sex.

Boo hoo! men have to be responsible for the consequences of their actions.

I don't see any reason why men can't step up and take responsibility for their own "recreational sex." With DNA testing, etc. Perhaps there will be some real interest in a male pill. Then men can have "control" again. Plus all the fun hormal crap that goes with it.

Man haters is always used by those who have no valid argument.

Men and women can both enjoy sex but it has consequences for both.

Abortion is not without consequences fgs.

People talk about it willy nilly like popping to the shops.

I'm very glad abortion is available but for some women it can be horrific and there's are risks involved.

LeaLeander There seems to be a certain hostility toward the notion of men enjoying recreational sex.

Is this meant to be a joke? It is more usually the women who are met with hostility or outright contempt, as borne out by your own comment earlier:

I do have contempt for most mothers on welfare, and never hide it. It's 99 percent of the time the result of abysmal life choices, and very seldom the result of actual misfortune such as being stricken with a serious illness.

And I also have utter contempt for women who would trap a man into fatherhood with the sanctimonious "You should have thought! Every sex act could result in a child!" claptrap. Bet they weren't trumpeting that philosophy in the heat of the moment.

Note: women's 'abysmal life choices'... Bloody women getting themselves pregnant all by themselves and 'trapping' men.

Poor guy.
Yes, she is a fruitcake. The fact that he is a "rich" student does not change the fact that he is being trapped. He should travel, study, and have the opportunities he wanted to have.
Yes, if the girl is pregnant, and if it is his (DNA test asap when the poor kid is born), he should support it, because it's about the child, not the mother, but he has no obligation to her anymore. Her behaviour is unbalanced. There is absolutely no way he should stay with her, or trust her.

I am a feminist in the sense that I want equality. I will not rejoice because men are now put in the position that girls in the past were: "you have sex, slut, so you get the consequences, that will show you". Anybody here would get outraged if somebody told a girl that "she should have kept her legs closed". Well, "he should have kept it in his pants" is the same thing.I find it very sad.
She is not a victim, he did not force her to have a relationship. He was clear about it not being very serious, and he should be allowed to have that, just as much as any other woman.
Almost everybody here had a relationship that was not meant to last, and we knew it from the get go. It does not meant that we could not enjoy it when it lasted, or that we should be judged on it. Do not make it a class issue, or a sexism issue.

I'm not following your 'logic' for why men get a say in what a woman does with her body following conception just because medical advances give women more options. They have given women more options. Men have the same options they always had. Women's options dont suddenly become men's "make life easier for me" options.

THIS!!!

Frenchmind women are still routinely told that they should have kept their legs closed.

Women are very harshly judged if they have repeated abortions yet if a man has a contraceptive failure he is being trapped?

You only have to read lealealanders posts to see that.

Biology means that this is one area that we can't be completely equal.

Pyjama It may be so, but two wrongs do not make one right, no?
I thought we have better standards in a mostly female forum that seems hell bent on challenging stupid behaviour...

Wow... The sooner a male contraceptive pill as effective as the female contraceptive pill is developed the better. It may not completely irradiate deadbeat fathers after a relationships ends but at least men and women will all have equal control of who they have children with. Hopefully this will help reduce these sort of situations and when children are concieved it will be because both parties what a DC.

These threads have always gone the same way.

Yes you're right a 'should have kept it in your pants/legs closed' argument helps no one.

I do believe that regardless of the unfairness men do have a moral responsibility to their child even if it's not what they wanted.

To pretend that it's all in the women's favour and that they can now freely engage in sex with whoever they want isn't the truth.