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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want a bit more money

177 replies

elf0508 · 15/12/2015 15:44

My mum has just got a cheque for a claim she put in a year ago. Anyway a grand of it will go to my brother, 400 to me because I owe her money for a ps4 I got through her catalogue last year. 200 will go into savings, and 200 on my debts but I have 600 pound worth of debt so I'm thinking of just using it all on my debts.
AIBU to want a bit more money?

OP posts:
OddSocksHighHeels · 15/12/2015 18:28

I haven't read your other threads but you can leave. Anything is preferable to putting up with abuse and being miserable.

hefzi · 15/12/2015 18:30

Oh dear, with the backstory, this becomes worse: OP, if he's a shit to you and your DC, leave. Yes, it's hard - but the council will help you find emergency accommodation as you're a parent, and in all honesty, so what if everyone says, "I told you so"? It's not worth putting up with a useless partner just to avoid that - especially as you say your mum already says it!

Just keep telling her - "Yes, you're right, I should have listened": it shuts them up pretty quickly Grin

You don't have to live that way if you don't want to: there are other options. And definitely do what PP say and look into tax credits etc

choli · 15/12/2015 18:30

Go to your mother. Tell her she was right (she was, obviously), and that you want to leave your "partner". The worst she can do is refuse to help. You gain nothing by staying with a man who prioritises his own toys over his child's.

RudeElf · 15/12/2015 18:31

Ok so you need to leave your partner. And you can. I have been there and know how scary it is to think about. But it is possible. There is somewhere for you to go. Fear is not a good enough reason to stay with someone you shouldnt be with. Speak to women's aid and put your name down for social housing. CAB can advise too.

Also, Your mother doesnt have to be informed or "told" that she was right. Your decision to leave you partner is not dependant on what anyone else says or thinks about it. I it was, no-one would ever leave their partners as there would always be someone thinking something about it. So just forget about what your mum will say. Her opinion is irrelevant when it comes to you doing what is right for you and your child.

Original poster
elf0508 · 15/12/2015 18:33

I'm at my lowest ebb. I just had a quick convo with my partner about how upset and stressed about my debts that I am and asked if he would consider selling ps4. He just glared at me told me I was being ridiculous and that I was 10 minutes late for making dinner 😢 honestly how has my life come to this

OP posts:
Original poster
elf0508 · 15/12/2015 18:34

My mum won't help me she kicked me out when I was pregnant 😢

OP posts:
TheWeeBabySeamus1 · 15/12/2015 18:34

There are always options if you're determined to leave:

  1. Is the tenancy joint or in one persons name? If its solely on your name then give him official notice to leave.

  2. If that's not an option then get yourself on the housing register - if you contact womens aid then they can support your housing application which should get you priority meaning you get housed pretty quickly ( how quick depends on where you live ).

  3. Don't worry about losing face with your family - you cant stay forever just because you don't want to hear I told you so.

  4. Apply for TCs

5).Apply to CMS to make sure you get maintenance for your DC. He helped make the baby - he can help pay for his food/housing/clothes etc

  1. Call stepchange to help with debt and ( I may get flamed for this one ) don't spend that £400 to clear debt, that can wait a few months .Hide the money from your partner and use it to help you when you get re-housed. ( 1st weeks rent, removal etc )
RudeElf · 15/12/2015 18:35

Whose name is on your tenancy agreement?

Garlick · 15/12/2015 18:36

Oh, Elf, I feel for you :(

Please follow Seamus's advice just now. Ring Women's Aid to talk things through. 0808 2000 247.

RudeElf · 15/12/2015 18:37

Forget about your mum! Her opinion on this doesnt matter. You dont need her help to leave him. Plenty of us have done it without anyone's help.

Youarentkiddingme · 15/12/2015 18:44

Ok, let me get this straight. Your mum has got some money and is giving your DB £1000. You are getting £800 of which half is being kept back as you owe her £400? The keeping of money you owe her is fair enough.

But if I understand correctly then despite the fact I think your mum is a star for giving you and your brother money I do think it should be an equal starting amount.

lorelei9 · 15/12/2015 18:50

elf "honestly how has my life come to this"

I don't know - but time to move on and focus on the future. It doesn't have to be like this. Lots of good advice on the thread, phone WA first and find out your entitlements, it could all work out okay you know Flowers good luck.

Enjolrass · 15/12/2015 19:03

Op he is abusing you and your child.

Does he pay all the bills? Or did you just say that he did?

Your problem isn't how much your mum is giving you.

It's the fact that your partner is a knob head, that's the issue.

Why did you buy him that ps4? Because you wanted to? Or because he wanted it and that was the end of it?

How can he justify getting a ps4 when your child isn't allowed toys?

Get as much debt cleared with this money, as you can and get out.

DeoGratias · 15/12/2015 19:04

Surely one answer is get back to full time work?

wannabestressfree · 15/12/2015 19:14

Claim tax credits....phone them
Use the money to put down a deposit and move to a rented house.
Low ebb or not you need to do this. My mother is also a 'hard' type and I had to do things for myself.
I have had desperate times and used catelogues etc but you cannot buy affection or use 'things' to replace what is missing ......
Is this what you want your life to be?.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 15/12/2015 19:18

I am grateful that she is giving me any, I have said she didn't need to

I'm confused; if that was so, why ask if YABU to want even more? Did you perhaps hope that, when you lost the job, she'd write off the cost of the PS4?

Come to that, since you were working at the time, why buy a luxury item from an expensive catalogue rather than getting it outright for less? And how does it fit together that a mum who'll "chuck you out for being pregnant" and "refuse even to babysit" will willingly order such an item for you at all?

Sorry, but it sounds as if there's a lot more to this than you've mentioned

Original poster
elf0508 · 15/12/2015 19:23

I don't know why I used the catalogue, I guess I was thinking itd be better because it didn't need to be paid back right away. My mum was more than happy to do it because she also thought I would manage to pay it off. She has never helped with my son, laughed at me for getting a blood clot and pnd and still refuses to help me

OP posts:
Gazelda · 15/12/2015 19:31

OP, there's obviously a lot going on for you right now. i think you would be wise to follow other posters' advice and get some professional support. you could be living a much happier life this time next year.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 15/12/2015 20:10

I can't believe you bought this asshole a PS4.

Garlick · 15/12/2015 20:16

People will help you, lovely. Your boyfriend's a twat and your mother's - erm, biased. Most people are not like them.

It might not be easy - or it might fall into place just like that - but you will get help and you can start a better life for you and your baby.

Please start by making some phone calls and finding stuff out :) Don't pay your other debts, hide the money for your escape fund. Wishing you well!

Enjolrass · 15/12/2015 20:24

The point with the ps4 is, that you could afford to buy one out right which is why you resorted to your mums catalogue.

Your tosser of a boyfriend knew you (as a couple) couldn't afford it. So paid about 30% more just so he could have it.

It's not about the ps4 it's about the fact that he gets....what he wants and fuck you and your child.

Jux · 15/12/2015 21:48

Compound interest could easily turn 400 into close to 600 in a year. That's why it's madness to buy things on finance, unless it's a really, really low rate; 0% would be preferable but I don't know that anyone does that these days.

Buy with money you have not money you might have at some unspecified time in the future. Save up for stuff.

IonaNE · 15/12/2015 22:51

OP, it seems to me that there are much bigger problems in your life than the £400 :( - as others suggested, I think it would be good to make some major changes. Go to CAB and find out what benefits (including Tax Credits) you are entitled to. It would also be worth posting on the Relationship board about how to break free from this relationship, which does not seem to do good either to you or your DC.

elementofsurprise · 16/12/2015 02:08

Bloody hell OP, just read updates.

Your partner sounds like a dick (if you are the poster others are referring to.)
You made a mistake, maybe, but you don't have to go on making them.

Listen to those who have been there... seek advice, seek help from the agencies suggested.

Good luck - you can do this Flowers

gabsdot · 16/12/2015 09:02

If I was your mum I'd keep all the cash for myself!!!