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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

kicked out of nativity with 5 week old.

541 replies

nativity15 · 15/12/2015 07:51

I'm just after your opinions. I have name changed but am a regular.

We received a letter about the school play and it said no children under 5 due to limited seating. I have a 5 week old new born and took her along in her car seat as opposed to her pram so she could go on my lap in her car seat not to take up space. Lots of other parents done the same. Once we got there we was all kicked out it was horrible and highly embarrassing. The hall went so quite and I'm sure everyone was looking at me. I quietly explained that we was taking up no extra space (lots of empty seats due to lots being kicked out) and she said I still have to leave due to health and safety. I do not do public confrontations well so quietly got up and left but must say I felt very heartbroken about it. I know it's just a school play but my eldest who is 6 was extremely excited her new sister was coming to 'watch' and now both of us will not be in the audience. My husband works full time and never made last year's due to work but was on paternity leave so this year we was able to all go together....it's Christmas.....we also have a new born and I was very happy about it all....abit of family time and all of us going to see her at her christmas play it just made me feel all warm and cosy and christmasy.

Anyway turns out it was nothing to do with health and safety and was an excuse to get me and the parents before me out the hall.

I have complained about this. Lots of the children have younger siblings. Not everyone has childcare so a lot of angry mum's and dads missed out.

So it turns out that this new 'heath and safety rule' was really the new head teacher didn't want any children under 5...I assume due to noise maybe. This school has always been brilliant in my opinion. They invite in parents with young siblings to do work shops etc and the school children visit other places and people in the community....that's what i like about the school makes you feel and also helps others in the community. But now this has happened I feel the opposite
I'm sure all the children and teachers worked hard for the play and now some children's families won't all be able to come and see them now...very sad.

Aibu to say under 5s are also part of our community and they are part of the families who want to come to the play to see older siblings and shouldn't be excluded due to their age.

I would.like to say this new rule only came in this year. Last year there were other children. I didn't have to think about it until this year but don't recall anything bad happening last year's play so the younger children where obviously not that disruptive.

OP posts:
OneMoreCasualty · 15/12/2015 10:35

If the same applies next year and you are SAHP, maybe take turns with another SAHP to mind the kids for 20 mins each?

NicoleWatterson · 15/12/2015 10:36

I think the school were being unreasonable, not everyone has childcare. Yes kids are noisey but it's all part of it I think.

I think in your situation id have checked before "it is ok if little one comes isn't it?".

Headofthehive55 · 15/12/2015 10:36

I can't remember a single oerformance that has been spoiled in 17 years. By goodness I've been to quite a few! Many different schools, areas, state, private.

Maybe flora you need to lower your expectations. If people live in an adult working world with children outsourced, yes it will come as distracting and noisy because you are not used to it.

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 15/12/2015 10:36

That's crap that they enforced the rules one day and not the next. Maybe they had so many complaints they relented? I know it's disappointing but at least you and Dh both got to see the play. Bet your dd loved having a parent at each performance.

MySordidCakeSecret · 15/12/2015 10:37

it was the same rule for DS christmas play this year too Sad meant that his dad couldn't come and watch him as we couldn't get childcare and he's only 7 months.

NicoleWatterson · 15/12/2015 10:37

I do know some schools that do crèches, that seems a happy medium.

wigglesrock · 15/12/2015 10:37

So there were two separate shows? It wasn't as if your child had to miss out on their mum and dad being there, it's just you wanted to go all together? That's how most parents work it, with or without additional younger siblings - if possible one takes one show, the other parent/granny/grandma goes to a different one.

VocationalGoat · 15/12/2015 10:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pyjamaramadrama · 15/12/2015 10:42

I've just got to laugh about the people on here being so precious about a nativity that they want to ban younger kids. Talk about taking things too seriously.

I've always found it hilarious when a random toddler decides to join in the the singing.

unlucky83 · 15/12/2015 10:44

There are two performances and your DH is around...you go on your own whilst DP looks after baby, he goes on his own whilst you look after baby...which is what I did when I had a 6yo and a newborn..
I agree with all the comments about smaller children disrupting it for everyone else - you only notice when it is your DC's one line that you can't hear for the crying baby next to you -even if they aren't screaming - just grouching that is enough....it is annoying.
(but more annoying is people with smartphone/tablet cameras who sit in the front line and lift them above their head - I couldn't see DD2 do her line in one performance for someone filming with a tablet Angry - if you want to do that sit or even stand at the back)

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 15/12/2015 10:50

I'm glad you and DH both managed to see it. That's the main thing. It does sound rubbish that the rules are inconsistently applied. It's not worth getting so upset about though. There are clearly pros and cons to having small children at the performance and the school is trying to strike a tricky balance.

BitOutOfPractice · 15/12/2015 10:51

"I've always found it hilarious when a random toddler decides to join in the the singing."

Good for you but I doubt the child and his/her parents whose one line / solo is drowned out by said random toddler feel the same. And yes, that has happened to my DD2 who was very upset

Tamponlady · 15/12/2015 10:51

Next time you will do as your told this is a good learning moment for your child as well

Tamponlady · 15/12/2015 10:53

And this is the real issues if people took their child out instead of hoping the screaming would pass then they wouldn't have to do this also parents who are married often act they couldn't possibly have one parents stay at home and look after baby

OneMoreCasualty · 15/12/2015 10:55

Even going out immediately with screaming child means the row has to get up and several children's lines are lost.

One adult and one or more family performance is best, I think,

NeedsAsockamnesty · 15/12/2015 11:05

I would think that no under 5's due to seating meant exactly that.

If it is due to noise them they should say due to noise.

If you have a desired result you should be clear and not ambiguous due to seating implies babes in arms are not an issue.

But as others have said the car seat should have been quite clear that it would create space issues given that this was the stated reason

unlucky83 · 15/12/2015 11:07

I should say there DD2 has speech therapy for a good few years...she didn't really talk to another adult until she was 3ish, then others couldn't understand what she was saying for years....
The first time she had one line in a play and stood up in front of everyone and delivered it beautifully I was close to tears (and she was incredibly proud of herself) - if a noisy baby/child had spoiled that...
And YY to the both parents together thing ...we have two performances -evening and afternoon. Two tickets per child (and siblings need tickets) Evening is popular, if you aren't quick you won't get one, afternoon less so and sometimes there are spares - you can put a request for an extra afternoon ticket. DP couldn't go to either for first two years - first year I didn't go to the evening one but DD was upset no one was there for her and also was an absolute pain to pick up as no set finish etc. Next year I went to both (on my own) and was shocked at the evening one to find lots of couples where one was a SAH parent -who had also been to the afternoon show on a spare ticket. Later found out one (newish) parent had missed seeing their DC all together as they didn't know they had to be super quick requesting evening tickets and couldn't get the time off work. (And I felt guilty about my one evening ticket)

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 15/12/2015 11:07

Totally agree with Tampon and Onemore

Anotherusername1 · 15/12/2015 11:09

I'd have thought that a weeks-old babe in arms would have been ok actually. A small baby is generally quite quiet and if they start fussing you can either feed them or take them out. They should have been clear that no under 5s meant exactly that. Saying it was to do with seating was a bit ambiguous.

My son's school used to have a dress rehearsal and invite parents with toddlers to that.

budgiegirl · 15/12/2015 11:09

I can't remember a single performance that has been spoiled in 17 years

Then you are very lucky. I can remember one performance, where a child got up to say his line, came to centre stage, started his line, a baby screamed out, the child forgot his line. It was terrible, his face started to crumple up, he went red, and his lip was wobbling. The audience went 'Awww', which made it ten times worse, the child burst into tears and rushed from the stage. He spent the rest of the performance sobbing with his head in his hands.

Pyjamaramadrama · 15/12/2015 11:10

You'd be screwed if you were a single parent with no childcare. You might also have a 6 year old with a precious one line in the play...

Girlfriend36 · 15/12/2015 11:13

I think thats a ridiculous rule and can see why you would think a newborn would be o.kay. Have just got back from my dds nativity and there were a few younger siblings there, it was fine as it aways is!

Agree that if you have no family near by there really is no one else you can leave a 5 week old with for 20 mins!!

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 15/12/2015 11:18

pyjama yes that would be a real shame, but you would just have to miss it. Though as a single parent myself for many years I struggle to believe that any parent doesn't have 1 person, family, friend, other parent, who can help out for 20 mins.

HumphreyCobblers · 15/12/2015 11:21

My DC's nativity WAS ruined by screaming children. The performers have a right to be heard, it is not about the audience ffs!

The woman next to me let her three year old talk all the way through it. She obviously thought she was cute. She wasn't. There was a tantrumming toddler removed by getting whole rows to stand up, all whilst child screamed, and some poor mite on stage was completely drowned out. The parent then brought the child back in and the whole thing happened again.

Having said all that, a five week old baby in a sling shouldn't count. I am a bit confused as to why, if there was a space issue, you chose to take a car seat. It would have been better to leave it outside and carry the baby in.

Sparklingbrook · 15/12/2015 11:24

Where would the Op have put the car seat? In the aisle where people could trip over it once the lights have gone down?