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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

kicked out of nativity with 5 week old.

541 replies

nativity15 · 15/12/2015 07:51

I'm just after your opinions. I have name changed but am a regular.

We received a letter about the school play and it said no children under 5 due to limited seating. I have a 5 week old new born and took her along in her car seat as opposed to her pram so she could go on my lap in her car seat not to take up space. Lots of other parents done the same. Once we got there we was all kicked out it was horrible and highly embarrassing. The hall went so quite and I'm sure everyone was looking at me. I quietly explained that we was taking up no extra space (lots of empty seats due to lots being kicked out) and she said I still have to leave due to health and safety. I do not do public confrontations well so quietly got up and left but must say I felt very heartbroken about it. I know it's just a school play but my eldest who is 6 was extremely excited her new sister was coming to 'watch' and now both of us will not be in the audience. My husband works full time and never made last year's due to work but was on paternity leave so this year we was able to all go together....it's Christmas.....we also have a new born and I was very happy about it all....abit of family time and all of us going to see her at her christmas play it just made me feel all warm and cosy and christmasy.

Anyway turns out it was nothing to do with health and safety and was an excuse to get me and the parents before me out the hall.

I have complained about this. Lots of the children have younger siblings. Not everyone has childcare so a lot of angry mum's and dads missed out.

So it turns out that this new 'heath and safety rule' was really the new head teacher didn't want any children under 5...I assume due to noise maybe. This school has always been brilliant in my opinion. They invite in parents with young siblings to do work shops etc and the school children visit other places and people in the community....that's what i like about the school makes you feel and also helps others in the community. But now this has happened I feel the opposite
I'm sure all the children and teachers worked hard for the play and now some children's families won't all be able to come and see them now...very sad.

Aibu to say under 5s are also part of our community and they are part of the families who want to come to the play to see older siblings and shouldn't be excluded due to their age.

I would.like to say this new rule only came in this year. Last year there were other children. I didn't have to think about it until this year but don't recall anything bad happening last year's play so the younger children where obviously not that disruptive.

OP posts:
TheSecondViola · 15/12/2015 09:53

I would have gone with a newborn. They don't count like toddlers do. If the reason given was no seats obviously that wouldn't apply to s newborn who doesn't need a seat.
As for all the guff about fire regs and health and safety, that's a crock of shit. So is get a babysitter; for a tiny newborn? Fuck off!

Aeroflotgirl · 15/12/2015 09:54

That is absurd, and quite ironic, considering its a children's play, not the Royal National Ballet. If they have that rule, they could at least have a performance for those with kids, it seems very unfair and not on if you cannot leave your baby with anybody. I went to ds nativity play on Friday, and there were parents with younger siblings.

Guiltydilemma · 15/12/2015 09:56

Also I've never experienced any children going to the nativity spoiling the show.

SheHasAWildHeart · 15/12/2015 09:58

Might a bit off topic but DD had her Christmas Carol concert last week. I've been to many school shows and assemblies over the years in different areas, in different schools, in state schools and private schools. The kids are always brilliantly behaved but some of the parents are another story. If you're told to switch your phones off, don't then take a phone call and talk through a play. If you are told not to take photos, don't then take your iPad out and start taking pictures. Don't talk over headteacher or the kids performing. When staff say the children will leave the hall first and then the parents, don't go rushing out of the door first and block the exit. Be a role model to your child first and foremost. If you are asked not to bring little kids, don't then get your children's hopes up that they will see their sister perform, ignore what you've been asked, turn up and then ask AIBU.

Sparklingbrook · 15/12/2015 09:58

You have been lucky Guilty.

This thread just makes me glad mine are at High School now. No Nativity angst. Grin

SideOrderofSprouts · 15/12/2015 09:59

This is what you have to weigh up having more than one child.

We had DD2's nativity and there was no way i was going to take her 12 week old brother so he went to his aunties an hour. Thats it. One Hour. To make sure that we didnt ruin it for everyone else.

People are supposed to take their children out here if they make noise during a performance but i know one mum that said 'im not leaving for anyone. i dont care if she (the 10 month old) makes noise. Im not going'

So its the selfish few that thing the rules done apply to them that ruins it for everyone.

So YABU Op

Aeroflotgirl · 15/12/2015 10:01

side great that you have family that can have your dc for a bit, we have none, does that mean we have to be penalised for it.

BluePancakes · 15/12/2015 10:01

Nativity, I can totally understand why you thought that a babe in arms would be acceptable, because it did say the reason was due to seating.

However, I cannot understand why, in a hall with limited space, you would think it acceptable to bring in a carseat and put it to your side? (Though bizarre, I could understand more if you did keep carseat on your lap.)

tiggytape · 15/12/2015 10:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shinynewusername · 15/12/2015 10:02

YWBU but so was the school.

The trouble with allowing younger sibs is that some parents are totally oblivious when they start kicking off and sit there, ruining it for everyone, instead of taking them out or at least to the back. The school can't have a policy that 'younger sibs are allowed unless you are a selfish twunt parent', so they end up excluding them all.

However, the school was also BU not to have a performance that allowed LOs. It's totally unreasonable to expect parents to shell out for a BS and not a viable option for newborns anyway.

SooticaTheWitchesCat · 15/12/2015 10:05

Younger siblings are not allowed at our school plays either, the school provides a creche. Saying that I have seen people with babies and as long as the baby is quiet they don't say anything but they are asked to leave if the baby cries.

Really the school should provide a creche but if the rule says no under 5 you should follow that rule too.

Sparklingbrook · 15/12/2015 10:05

It's all very well to keep saying it's not the Royal Ballet/RDC/Opera house whatever but that doesn't mean it has to be a shambles.

Nervous children being distracted by screaming babies isn't nice to watch. They stand there wondering if to carry on or start again looking anxiously at the teacher for guidance. Sad Let them have their moment.

SheHasAWildHeart · 15/12/2015 10:06

That is absurd, and quite ironic, considering its a children's play, not the Royal National Ballet.
No but it's a play that the children will have rehearsed, put a lot of effort and hard work into, waiting even if it just to say one line/be a tree, and perform it for their loved ones. Imagine if after all that hard work they have a noisy baby screaming all over it.

LaContessaDiPlump · 15/12/2015 10:12

I don't think you made an unreasonable assumption op, and I'm sorry that you had to miss the play.

Our school was very sensible; it said that it couldn't allow younger siblings in to see the play, but would lay on childcare in a separate room (it was a group of nervous-looking Year 6 kids under the supervision of 2 adults) so parents could see the performance. Babies were allowed in because, as you say, they're not taking up space on seats.

We practically threw DS2 (3.5yo) at them and ran off in glee Grin

WhoTheFuckIsSimon · 15/12/2015 10:16

It's quite possibly due to fire regulations. You say you can have a 5 week old baby on your knee and it doesn't take up an extra seat. Well everyone with a two year old, three year old and four year old could say the same.....oh they wIll sit on my knee and not take up a seat. Then you've got 50% extra people in the room and if there was a fire then that's bad.

Never mind the noise issue of noisy toddlers.

Maybe approach the school about having a family friendly performance next year? One that is marketed at parents with small kids, almost treat it li,e and xtra dress rehearsal.....so if it's a bit noisy it's not the end of the world.

budgiegirl · 15/12/2015 10:20

YABU

I can see why you misunderstood whether it was ok to take your baby (although you should have checked in advance). But you have no cause to complain that you were asked to leave. It was your error to take the baby. In this case, 'seating' really meant 'people'.

Anyway turns out it was nothing to do with health and safety and was an excuse to get me and the parents before me out the hall

How do you know this, did the headteacher say so, or the playground gossips?

At our school nativity, each family is allowed just two free tickets. Everyone who attends must have a ticket, due to fire safety regulations, and that includes babes in arms. There are two performances, which does help, so parents can do split shifts, but children are only allowed at one performance.

I agree that it can be very annoying to have to miss your child's play due to having a younger sibling, but it's equally annoying for another parent to miss their child's one line because a baby is crying. It's very distracting for the performers too. They are only young kids themselves, and can easily be put off.

Headofthehive55 · 15/12/2015 10:21

Goodness some of you are an unforgiving lot. What happened to it takes a village to raise a child?

I'm glad my older child went to a school which was understanding. My second had a lot of special needs, on oxygen, feeding pump etc. There is no way I could have left her with anyone, even GP. To think fellow parents would exclude me just so they got a possible better sound really makes me wonder about people in general.

I think you should band together with other parents and when ofsted come round make your feelings known about it being an unfriendly school where parents are excluded.

PeasOnEarth · 15/12/2015 10:23

I really don't see why both of you had to leave? That seems a bit OTT to me.

And I suspect with 2 you will really benefit from a sling - this was one occasion but there will be more.

Headofthehive55 · 15/12/2015 10:25

Oh and before you think DH could look after her, he worked some distance away.

Doublebubblebubble · 15/12/2015 10:27

Yabsu. My dd(6) had her nativity the other day and my ds is 8 weeks. I was fully fully prepared to leave/not go in should he decide to kick off (which he did a bit) and I made sure to tell my DD that I might not come in because of him (she understood and already realised how hw could have made it distracting) x

However, fwiw, I think it's a ridiculous rule. A nativity play is not some sacred event. It's a bunch of kids putting on a play for parents. They never run smoothly in my experience, so why they banned under-fives is beyond me. It's all part of it, isn't it? The noise, the chaos etc. Also, I've not once seen a kid burst into tears because a baby cried during their line* ^this

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Original poster
nativity15 · 15/12/2015 10:27

I'M WRITING IN CAPITALS SO THE POST STANDS OUT AS IT'S NOT ALWAYS CLEAR WHEN A OP RESPONDS.

MY HUSBAND STAYED AND WATCHED THE PLAY YESTERDAY WHILST I SAT OUTSIDE WITH OUR NEW BORN. I HAVE JUST GONE TO THE PLAY THIS MORNING WHILST MY HUSBAND STAYED AT HOME WITH HER. WHEN I GOT THERE THERE WAS.....WAS UNDER 5S IN THERE TODAY.

NOT SURE WHY THE RULES AND HEALTH AND SAFETY DID NOT APPLY TODAY.

I KNOW IT'S NOT PERSONAL BUT MY HORMONES ARE MAKING ME IRRATIONAL AND I CAN'T HELP BUT FEEL LIKE MY NEWBORN IS NOT WELCOME AT THE SCHOOL
NEEDLESS TO SAY I WALKED HOME IN TEARS.

ALL THE CHILDREN WERE FANTASTIC AND YOU CAN'T HELP BUT SMILE WHEN. THEY ALL STAND AND SING TOGETHER. THE CHILDREN AND THE TEACHERS DID A GREAT JOB AND I CAN'T HELP.BUT BE UPSET THAT ME MY HUSBAND AND MY NEWBORN COULDN'T ALL EXPERIENCE IT TOGETHER YESTERDAY BUT TODAY OTHERS COULD.

I'M STILL CRYING ABOUT IT...THESE HORMONES!!

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 15/12/2015 10:29

I wish our school had had those rules when mine were at the school play age , I can't recall a single performance that wasn't spoiled by younger siblings either crying , shouting out or running around .

VocationalGoat · 15/12/2015 10:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PurpleDaisies · 15/12/2015 10:31

Please don't write in capitals.

You have a valid case to make with the head as to why the rules weren't applied consistently. You should contact the other families who were denied entry yesterday and encourage them to complain as well. it is not fair to enforce rules on some days but not others.

Pyjamaramadrama · 15/12/2015 10:32

Nativity yanbu.

I can see why you'd think a baby in arms would be ok.

It's also a ridiculous rule, it's a kids nativity it's always been a thing that you bring baby siblings, one usually cries and the mum rushes out embarrassed.

Thanks