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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

kicked out of nativity with 5 week old.

541 replies

nativity15 · 15/12/2015 07:51

I'm just after your opinions. I have name changed but am a regular.

We received a letter about the school play and it said no children under 5 due to limited seating. I have a 5 week old new born and took her along in her car seat as opposed to her pram so she could go on my lap in her car seat not to take up space. Lots of other parents done the same. Once we got there we was all kicked out it was horrible and highly embarrassing. The hall went so quite and I'm sure everyone was looking at me. I quietly explained that we was taking up no extra space (lots of empty seats due to lots being kicked out) and she said I still have to leave due to health and safety. I do not do public confrontations well so quietly got up and left but must say I felt very heartbroken about it. I know it's just a school play but my eldest who is 6 was extremely excited her new sister was coming to 'watch' and now both of us will not be in the audience. My husband works full time and never made last year's due to work but was on paternity leave so this year we was able to all go together....it's Christmas.....we also have a new born and I was very happy about it all....abit of family time and all of us going to see her at her christmas play it just made me feel all warm and cosy and christmasy.

Anyway turns out it was nothing to do with health and safety and was an excuse to get me and the parents before me out the hall.

I have complained about this. Lots of the children have younger siblings. Not everyone has childcare so a lot of angry mum's and dads missed out.

So it turns out that this new 'heath and safety rule' was really the new head teacher didn't want any children under 5...I assume due to noise maybe. This school has always been brilliant in my opinion. They invite in parents with young siblings to do work shops etc and the school children visit other places and people in the community....that's what i like about the school makes you feel and also helps others in the community. But now this has happened I feel the opposite
I'm sure all the children and teachers worked hard for the play and now some children's families won't all be able to come and see them now...very sad.

Aibu to say under 5s are also part of our community and they are part of the families who want to come to the play to see older siblings and shouldn't be excluded due to their age.

I would.like to say this new rule only came in this year. Last year there were other children. I didn't have to think about it until this year but don't recall anything bad happening last year's play so the younger children where obviously not that disruptive.

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 15/12/2015 09:26

I went to quite a few of the First School Christmas church services that babies screamed through. Getting up and taking them to the back doesn't mean we couldn't still hear it.
The children had spent ages learning their lines and then ultimately nobody could hear them anyway. It's really offputting for them.

skinoncustard · 15/12/2015 09:27

I find most of the comments here weird!
It's a primary school nativity not the Oscars!

All should be welcome, before it starts a request should be made for phones, iPads etc NOT to be used ,( they are more of a nuisance than any child) and all very upset children to be taken out. The odd tear or shouting out to their sibling can usually be contained with a chocolate button or two. ( it's Christmas)

Then everyone can enjoy the production. ---- the Joseph who gets stage fright, the wise man who shouts at the top of his voice, the donkey crying quietly or otherwise in the corner, the Angel Gabriel picking her nose, the member of the choir who thinks they are on X Factor. Then there's the few waving , shouting at their granny etc, etc .

I remember school nativity plays with fondness and a tear in my eye. They were brilliant - warts and all. Xmas Smile

PurpleThermalsNowItsWinter · 15/12/2015 09:27

My school only asked that everyone, including younger siblings had a ticket for h&s ( this was so they could do a head count for a fire etc), if children made a noise you were asked to take then out, quieten them and return. There were no issues in any of the three performances I attended. Previous school said no under 5's which was a pain as I had a two year old, no childcare and was new to the area.

BaronessEllaSaturday · 15/12/2015 09:31

I'm glad our school nursery has a much clearer rule "any sibling attending must be in possession of their own ticket" each family gets 2 tickets so mum and a sibling can go or mum and dad can go but you can't take mum dad and a sibling. In our case space does come into it, even if a child however young is sat on a knee it does make a difference, the seating is very close together and we are all squashed up. As for taking a crying child out, you would struggle to get out during the performance and cause much more of a disturbance doing so.

RJnomore1 · 15/12/2015 09:32

I think it's ridiculous to say no under 5s at a small child's nativity when many of the children performing are likely to have smaller siblings. They may make a noise? Take then out! Feck sake. I've honestly never heard anything as ridiculous as this. It's a school nativity play not the royal bleeding Shakespeare.

ComposHatComesBack · 15/12/2015 09:33

You don't have to like the no under 5s rule, but when it had been put in place what did you think was going to happen other than you being refused entrance?

pinkcardi · 15/12/2015 09:34

I'm going to go against the majority and say UANBU, and I would have done the same.

Small, wriggling and unhappy 3yr old, fair enough. But quietly sleeping 5 week old makes hardly any noise at all. I'm sure you would have nipped out if she started making a fuss.

It's hugely unfair that they are excluding anyone that has younger children and can't find childcare. As Custard says, it's a school nativity, not a performance at the Royal Opera House!

Sparklingbrook · 15/12/2015 09:37

There are many 5 week olds who don't do 'quietly sleeping'. And as has been said by a lot on this thread the majority of parents don't take them out. I would imagine that's why the rule is there.

It isn't the RSC no, but the often nervous children who are getting their chance to shine on stage having spent weeks learning lines etc deserve to be able to do the play without being distracted by noisy babies and their inconsiderate parents.

mouldycheesefan · 15/12/2015 09:38

I think if you had stood at the back and had the baby in a sling they may not have even noticed you. The chairs are so crammed in at our school hall that once seated it is very difficult to get out! 'Nipping out' is not an option.

I think Yabu as you assumed the rule did not apply to you without checking. Still, you know for next year!

reni2 · 15/12/2015 09:38

I would totally agree, RJnomore1, but people don't take them out. They stay until their own child is done, screaming blue murder and don't care about the rest.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 15/12/2015 09:38

skinoncustard see, that's what a nativity play is for me as well. People are so precious about them nowadays.

Minisoksmakehardwork · 15/12/2015 09:39

Yabu as you ignored the letter requesting no small children. Ours also has the rule and I must admit I did feel miffed when a mum and dad turned up with baby (few months old) in a sling, especially as they perform over two nights and families can be allocated up to 3 tickets across the two performances. It used to be 4 but then we had a couple of years with a larger intake and more working parents.

Mum and dad could have split attending and one stayed home with baby. Staff knew he was there.

But baby was quiet so not a problem. It did offend another couple of parents more though as they had followed the rules but the other parents 'got away with it'.

However, our school also offer that small children are allowed to attend the dress rehearsal. So parents who can't make evening performances due to no childcare can go to that one with their little ones.

Maybe suggest in future years the school has a dress rehearsal where families with children can attend so they don't miss out. There also isn't a limit on tickets for this one as its traditionally less well attended due to working parents going to evening performances, so extended families could go too.

I'm not sure where you would stand with the school and not taking them to the evening performances if no one was able to watch dc. I know this has been a threat at another local school where ticket allocation has been a shambles.

tiggytape · 15/12/2015 09:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FluffyNinja · 15/12/2015 09:41

Don't be silly Purple.

Just because the majority of posters on this thread are equally dim doesn't mean they're correct.

As usual, the person tasked with drafting rules/guidelines at the school isn't up to the task and resorts to 'health & safety' as a catch all.

And they're actually being paid to educate our children...! Hmm

DS's primary school is pretty good in many respects but the nonsense written in school newsletters is astounding. Surely I can't be the only person who finds it worrying?

Duckdeamon · 15/12/2015 09:42

Regardless of your views about the rule it is not "logic" to assume that you don't have to comply with a rule because - in your view - a reason given to help explain the rule doesn't apply to your specific situation!

triceratops1066 · 15/12/2015 09:43

Our local primary school runs a creche (staffed by PTA & parents of juniors) - perhaps you should suggest this for the future?

Sparklingbrook · 15/12/2015 09:43

Well said tiggytape. Nobody seems overly bothered about the children trying to actually do the performance.

Cockbollocks · 15/12/2015 09:43

Well I think its bloody disgusting to ban younger children at a performance. Its a childrens christmas play not the fecking Royal Opera House.

I also would not have though that the under 5 rule applied to a tiny baby of 5 weeks, that said I would have popped in and checked. Whilst raising merry hell about the ridiculous under 5's rule.

Cockbollocks · 15/12/2015 09:45

Ha - missed the other Royal Opera House comment RTFT!!

Sparklingbrook · 15/12/2015 09:46

RTFT indeed. there have been many posts about why taking babies to Nativities is not a great idea.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 15/12/2015 09:48

Just because the majority of posters on this thread are equally dim doesn't mean they're correct.

Umm, how is this in any way acceptable to say?!

Kewcumber · 15/12/2015 09:49

I think you're being given a very hard time here.

I agree that the school wanted to ban all children under 5 but copped out a bit by saying it was because of seating issues. It wasn't. The head was obviously didn;t want under 5's and you missed that (coded) message, perhaps you should have rung and said "I'm bringing my 5 week old" I assume that OK as she won't take up a seat.

If it was a wedding most MN threads say "Of course NO CHILDREN doesn't mean no newborns they are different, you can't be expected to go without your new born!"

It's a primary school nativity not the Oscars!

And this ^

Johnny5isAlive · 15/12/2015 09:52

But surely you were taking up extra room by bringing the car seat?? That would've taken room that a patent could have stood and watched. At our performances every last inch of floor space was used by standing parents.

Guiltydilemma · 15/12/2015 09:52

I think it's a shame that not only the parents without childcare get to miss the nativity but also the kids in the nativity miss their parents watching them. This poor wee boy has just had a new baby join the family and is now aware that because of the baby his mum can't watch. Unless the kids are playing up they should make a provision for siblings. If there's not room I'm sure a local church would accommodate them. My kids school did make provision for siblings to watch and my child playing the part was wanting their sibling to watch and my younger child was excited to watch. Whoever made and enforced these rules obviously didn't ever have any childcare issues.

Whatevva · 15/12/2015 09:53

Our school used to do their first performance of anything for the local playgroup and parents were encouraged to bring little children along then.

It is magical for the little children. They want it to be them next!

The little ones were not excluded from the other performances either.

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