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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

kicked out of nativity with 5 week old.

541 replies

nativity15 · 15/12/2015 07:51

I'm just after your opinions. I have name changed but am a regular.

We received a letter about the school play and it said no children under 5 due to limited seating. I have a 5 week old new born and took her along in her car seat as opposed to her pram so she could go on my lap in her car seat not to take up space. Lots of other parents done the same. Once we got there we was all kicked out it was horrible and highly embarrassing. The hall went so quite and I'm sure everyone was looking at me. I quietly explained that we was taking up no extra space (lots of empty seats due to lots being kicked out) and she said I still have to leave due to health and safety. I do not do public confrontations well so quietly got up and left but must say I felt very heartbroken about it. I know it's just a school play but my eldest who is 6 was extremely excited her new sister was coming to 'watch' and now both of us will not be in the audience. My husband works full time and never made last year's due to work but was on paternity leave so this year we was able to all go together....it's Christmas.....we also have a new born and I was very happy about it all....abit of family time and all of us going to see her at her christmas play it just made me feel all warm and cosy and christmasy.

Anyway turns out it was nothing to do with health and safety and was an excuse to get me and the parents before me out the hall.

I have complained about this. Lots of the children have younger siblings. Not everyone has childcare so a lot of angry mum's and dads missed out.

So it turns out that this new 'heath and safety rule' was really the new head teacher didn't want any children under 5...I assume due to noise maybe. This school has always been brilliant in my opinion. They invite in parents with young siblings to do work shops etc and the school children visit other places and people in the community....that's what i like about the school makes you feel and also helps others in the community. But now this has happened I feel the opposite
I'm sure all the children and teachers worked hard for the play and now some children's families won't all be able to come and see them now...very sad.

Aibu to say under 5s are also part of our community and they are part of the families who want to come to the play to see older siblings and shouldn't be excluded due to their age.

I would.like to say this new rule only came in this year. Last year there were other children. I didn't have to think about it until this year but don't recall anything bad happening last year's play so the younger children where obviously not that disruptive.

OP posts:
BessieBlount · 15/12/2015 17:12

But Tiggy, many families don't have the grandparent option. So I had to miss ds2's performance altogether because DH was stranded therefore couldn't have the others. If I'd been allowed to sit or stand at the back then he would have had someone there to see his big performance in the main part

BessieBlount · 15/12/2015 17:14

So what I'm saying is that if everyone was like me and had no other childcare options ever then more people would bring it up with school as an issue. Ime, I've heard lots of mums agree with it without considering that they have a mother and/or MIL occasionally available to them.

MascaraAndConverse89 · 15/12/2015 17:16

If under-5s aren't allowed there , they shouldn't even be at their own shows then because one of them might be disruptive on stage and put the others off.

hibbleddible · 15/12/2015 17:16

Yanbu. Our school allowed under 5s. Lots came, and there was no noise from them during the play. If they were banned then a lot of children would not have been able to have their parents there.

diddl · 15/12/2015 17:17

I'm pleased that you got to see it OP.

If it said no under 5s due to space I'm not sure that I would take that to apply to my bfed 5wk old!

hibbleddible · 15/12/2015 17:18

As for the sitters and grandparents option, that isn't an option for lots. Our area is pretty deprived with a lot of immigrants, who don't have local gps or money for a babysitter either.

BessieBlount · 15/12/2015 17:19

What do you mean 'can't be arsed to arrange a sitter'. Hmm
What sort of sitter should I arrange? I don't have any friends who could have 3 extra children in the day as almost everyone I know works. Nor do I know anyone locally who could have 3 extra children inc a baby from 5.45 until 7.30.

I think DH and I have been out together maybe 3 times in 10yrs. Sitters are not readily available.

BessieBlount · 15/12/2015 17:20

2 extra children in the day.

MascaraAndConverse89 · 15/12/2015 17:21

I'm waiting for someone to suggest:

"Find a teenager to babysit your children" Grin

Headofthehive55 · 15/12/2015 17:23

Hmm I'm wondering how I could have found someone to look after mine, even GP didn't feel able to deal with her needs. Not always is there a fully qualified paediatric nurse on tap ready and willing to provide care!

Fortunately my other DD attended a decent school. These schools sound awful.

And no I don't think children who are nervous and would be easily put off should be given lines. Not because of noisy toddlers in particular, there are often other distractions that could happen.

HackerFucker22 · 15/12/2015 17:27

It's instances like this I feel sorry for people who have little or no help. As I said back on page 1, my DP took the morning off and had our baby who would have no doubt been a nightmare had we been allowed to bring kids but if I'd not had this option what would I have done? It's a tough one and there were a few kids crying at dc's performance as their parents weren't there [reason unknown, not down to ban on young kids]... It really tugged on my heart strings actually.

However I also said back on page 1 that I cannot and will not condone blatant rule breaking. Rules are one of the most important things a child learns in the early years at school and seeing a parent break rules they don't agree with sends a worrying message.

I'd be inclined to lobby the school to avoid this next year.

I didn't realise both OP and her husband left with baby. That is bloody madness. One of you could have stayed?

EasyToEatTiger · 15/12/2015 17:31

Ho hum. So that's all the little ones who start primary school at 4 out of the window then. Dd was 4 when she played Mary in the nativity play. It's not a bloody classical concert is it? Where no-one dare breathe? It's not in the spirit of things to throw people out who are holding babes in arms. I think the story is about a babyHmm I would be livid. After all, is the school play open to the general public who don't have children? Are people paying good money? In my experience, it's only family who go to support their children and the school in a primary aged play. Stupid, stupid head teacher.

miaowmix · 15/12/2015 17:33

I'm sure your 5 week old baby will give a massive shit she's missed out on going to a nativity play. Hmm.

Or, don't go with your husband, go on separate days? What's the obsession with going en famille?

BoGrainger · 15/12/2015 17:33

Crikey, another school-bashing thread with no one being 'livid'. This is getting boring

miaowmix · 15/12/2015 17:33

Teenagers do babysit my child and all my friends' children, what's the issue there?

emilybrontescorset · 15/12/2015 17:34

I feel for you op but have been to many a school production where inconsiderate parents gave helped to ruin the show.
Screaming babies, shouting toddlers, people talking on mobiles it's all very , very rude.

When my children are in a play/show I don't want anyone talking when they are on stage.

Sorry but that overrides anything else.

BoGrainger · 15/12/2015 17:34

Haha thank goodness! Cross posts....

Snowcoveredthoughtcage · 15/12/2015 17:35

I really really wish the Head of my DCs school had done this. I couldn't hear a bloody word because of bloody toddlers talking and shouting all the way through DS's carol concert. And I'd taken time off work, which increases my workload. I was furious. Your right to have a baby there does not trump my right to hear my older child and his class sing. Not to mention latecomers. Perhaps I'm extra bitter because when mine were small, they were taken out by me straightaway if they cried in these situations, including my own sister's wedding. It's such a shame selfish people ruin it for others.

HackerFucker22 · 15/12/2015 17:38

My DC performed in the preschool nativity (along with reception) so most of the kids will be under 5 bar those who have had a birthday in Sept, Oct, Nov and early Dec

My DC is just a month over 3.

However they'd banned all 'younger babies and toddlers'

Indantherene · 15/12/2015 17:40

But actually this was a complete non-issue OP because there were 2 performances and you each managed to watch one while the other had the baby Confused.

Y3 and Y4 put on an assembly recently. Every child had something to say so it went on a bit. The couple behind us had brought their twin toddlers. Luckily our DD's bit was near the beginning because the toddlers started to whine and shout. First they gave them rustly snacks and they shushed them and eventually they took one out, but had disturbed everyone else.

My eldest is 29. When she was in KS1 I had 3 younger children, no family and a DH who worked very long hours. They also had a no siblings rule; it is nothing new. I left each of my boys with a different friend. It was a bit of a faff but meant I could go child-free to the event.

BessieBlount · 15/12/2015 17:41

Which teenagers? Where do people find these teenagers able to babysit toddlers and preschoolers? My eldest child is 12 and I don't know any teenagers.

Pidapie · 15/12/2015 17:44

I can see how you could misunderstand the rule, sounds like just a misunderstanding to me. Obviously you weren't the only one to misunderstand. I wouldn't worry too much about this, nor about what some of the people here say :)

Badgerwife · 15/12/2015 17:44

Regardless of the right or wrong of following clear rules, 'no under 5' at a school play is bollocks. Half of Reception year is not 5 yet, some like my daughter aren't even 4.5 yrs old and quite capable of staying quiet through a nativity

BessieBlount · 15/12/2015 17:49

Well it's great if you have friends able to take your children. Not everyone does. Which is why I had to miss it. He worked so hard and was so proud to win the lead part but neither DH nor me managed to see it.

diddl · 15/12/2015 17:49

"you each managed to watch one while the other had the baby"

Yes, that's great for them isn't it that OPs husband could stay at home this morning & she could go.

I'm sure a lot of people do things as a family to make only one trip & because things are at a time when no one is a work!