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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

kicked out of nativity with 5 week old.

541 replies

nativity15 · 15/12/2015 07:51

I'm just after your opinions. I have name changed but am a regular.

We received a letter about the school play and it said no children under 5 due to limited seating. I have a 5 week old new born and took her along in her car seat as opposed to her pram so she could go on my lap in her car seat not to take up space. Lots of other parents done the same. Once we got there we was all kicked out it was horrible and highly embarrassing. The hall went so quite and I'm sure everyone was looking at me. I quietly explained that we was taking up no extra space (lots of empty seats due to lots being kicked out) and she said I still have to leave due to health and safety. I do not do public confrontations well so quietly got up and left but must say I felt very heartbroken about it. I know it's just a school play but my eldest who is 6 was extremely excited her new sister was coming to 'watch' and now both of us will not be in the audience. My husband works full time and never made last year's due to work but was on paternity leave so this year we was able to all go together....it's Christmas.....we also have a new born and I was very happy about it all....abit of family time and all of us going to see her at her christmas play it just made me feel all warm and cosy and christmasy.

Anyway turns out it was nothing to do with health and safety and was an excuse to get me and the parents before me out the hall.

I have complained about this. Lots of the children have younger siblings. Not everyone has childcare so a lot of angry mum's and dads missed out.

So it turns out that this new 'heath and safety rule' was really the new head teacher didn't want any children under 5...I assume due to noise maybe. This school has always been brilliant in my opinion. They invite in parents with young siblings to do work shops etc and the school children visit other places and people in the community....that's what i like about the school makes you feel and also helps others in the community. But now this has happened I feel the opposite
I'm sure all the children and teachers worked hard for the play and now some children's families won't all be able to come and see them now...very sad.

Aibu to say under 5s are also part of our community and they are part of the families who want to come to the play to see older siblings and shouldn't be excluded due to their age.

I would.like to say this new rule only came in this year. Last year there were other children. I didn't have to think about it until this year but don't recall anything bad happening last year's play so the younger children where obviously not that disruptive.

OP posts:
Headofthehive55 · 15/12/2015 16:29

Strikes me as a very uncaring attitude, some people have children in less fortunate circumstances, and sometimes that is chance, not planning. So such comments like well it's your fault because you had two children or get your DH to watch baby, do not take account of the less fortunate. Not always in monetary terms it those whose family set up is less than perfect.

Headofthehive55 · 15/12/2015 16:32

They don't know that they haven't been heard though! I presume you would have banned my child with her so inconvient noisy equipment!

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 15/12/2015 16:33

It's very important to the performing child that he/she is heard and seen

But just not heard or seen by her own Parent? Because the parent is banned and cast out for the crime of having younger DC?

Or is that child now less important, than the child of parents who have care or no younger dc - confusing Hmm

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 15/12/2015 16:35

What about if Child C is so upset by all the disruption that they can't do their part, or can't do it as well as they have done before, and get upset by that, Head?

All the children in these plays have worked very hard to make them the best they can - it is not fair to have the performance spoiled by disruption. Some noise is unavoidable, if little ones are there - but it is the parents' responsibility to make sure their children stay with them, and keep the noise within reasonable limits.

It strikes me that too many parents have failed to do this at previous nativities, so this Head has been driven to exclude the under 5s.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 15/12/2015 16:37

so upset by all the disruption
Ahh yes, the circle of chairs, the big catch up mid play, toddler racing round chairs, babies wailing, feeding, food, crisps, mums laughing, dads talking about footy because parents of small DC after all, do not really want to watch their DC on stage do they!

WeThreeMythicalKings · 15/12/2015 16:38

It strikes me that too many parents have failed to do this at previous nativities, so this Head has been driven to exclude the under 5s.

Exactly. And the performing DC is far more important than any non-performing DC for that short period of time. It's their time in the sun. Yarking toddlers should not be allowed to ruin it for them.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 15/12/2015 16:38

but it is the parents' responsibility to make sure their children stay with them, and keep the noise within reasonable limits

AND Its the Head T's responsibility to remind DP of this, as well as the ipad blocking people behind, before the performance starts.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 15/12/2015 16:39

And the performing DC is far more important than any non-performing DC for that short period of time

But the performing DC suddenly loose importance and the need to be seen when they happen to have a parent excluded for having younger dc...

Those performing dc can just get on with it without a parent there....Confused they dont matter?

Stimpack · 15/12/2015 16:41

So you thought that the rules didn't apply to you OP?

gandalf456 · 15/12/2015 16:43

She did, yes, because the head cited seats as a reason for the rule and babies and toddlers don't need seats when they can have laps

tiggytape · 15/12/2015 16:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Headofthehive55 · 15/12/2015 16:46

Well I can only say I must live in a particularly well behaved area then! No issues here! Perhaps our school should share their secrets.

Never seen a child get so upset they can't deliver their lines. If they are that nervous perhaps they should be spared lines in the first place.

BlueJug · 15/12/2015 16:47

My DS's nativity was ruined by a screaming baby and several chattering, fidgeting toddlers. He was upset. I heard nothing. I had taken a day off work to see him. I looked round to try and hint that the baby should be taken out and got the response "All babies cry - live with it"

Other performances were spoilt until the school brought in a rule about babies - but that was his first, his lines were obliterated and he was upset. So yes, you missed your child's performance - but I, and many like me, effectively missed ours - and we stuck to the rules.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 15/12/2015 16:47

They'd be there at the start but 10 minutes in, they'd have to stand up and wrestle a screaming baby / toddler out of the doors at the back never to return.

Confused such drama here.

Love to see your schools! We stand at back, sit at back with toddler..no parent has ever caused disruption whilst taking baby/child out!! I want to hear my DD too!! never been problem AND certainly no pre schoolers on wall bars.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 15/12/2015 16:48

So a child should be excluded from a part in the play, so that badly behaved toddlers can rampage unchecked, Head? Riiiiiight. Xmas Hmm

ShelaghTurner · 15/12/2015 16:51

Skimmed a lot of this thread because I was getting so damned cross. Thank fuck our school has more sense. My dd is desperate for me to see her plays/assemblies etc and I'm (or whoever) supposed to leave a newborn with a babysitter to make this happen? All because the head has an inflated sense of her own importance.

Either that or some of your children must attend some terrible schools; have never yet known a parent to behave the way some of you describe.

And people were surprised on another thread when I said it's laughable to consider this country child friendly...

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 15/12/2015 16:51

I have to say in those with schools banning young dc because as tiggy is describing - incredible scenes of high drama and disruption it doesnt bode well for your schools in several areas.

Most of us with small dc sit on aisle seats or at the back.
None of us cause any disruption, and we are happy to hover by the doors way back. Our head gave a good quick talk about not using phones to disrupt and if DC became such a problem, I am sure she would also be happy to mention it.

How many totally wild toddlers do you have out there> Mine is a mover, will never ever sit, has never been restrained into a push chair, high chair, any sort of restraint! I manage nativity plays with her, without causing mass disruption and noise.

Some of things you are describing about the Heads lack of diplomacy and ability to talk to parents, parents selfishness and lack of awareness of others and lack of control over dc, are really worrying.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 15/12/2015 16:52

oh and then added to that list a shocking lack of tolerance all round, sounds awful!!

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 15/12/2015 16:53

X post Shelagh!!

They must be awful schools!

tiggytape · 15/12/2015 16:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WeThreeMythicalKings · 15/12/2015 16:59

But the performing DC suddenly loose importance and the need to be seen when they happen to have a parent excluded for having younger dc...

Yes, if the parents can't be arsed to arrange a sitter or take it in turns to go, having been told no under 5s allowed. Sad for the chid but it's the parents' fault.

rollonthesummer · 15/12/2015 17:01

My school certainly isn't awful!

We have one performances for parents/grandparents with toddlers or babies, then two performances for just adults. It's fab- everyone is happy and you can hear every word that the children say.

At one performance I went to a couple of years back, people with toddlers let them scream and cry all through the performance and when one mum was asked discreetly to leave by the SMT, they were told to 'f*ck off!' It was a shambles.

The way it happens at my current school works brilliantly.

OP, you knew you couldn't bring under 5 year olds. It's splitting hairs to argue about the reasons why.

tiggytape · 15/12/2015 17:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MascaraAndConverse89 · 15/12/2015 17:07

Yes, if the parents can't be arsed to arrange a sitter or take it in turns to go, having been told no under 5s allowed. Sad for the chid but it's the parents' fault.

It's not always going to be that they "can't be arsed" though is it?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 15/12/2015 17:09

Why do you think it is a Head with 'an inflated sense of her own importance', Shelagh? Why couldn't it be a Head who wants the children from her school, who have worked hard at their Nativity play, to be able to perform it without lots of disruption?

As I said - smaller siblings were not excluded from the dses' school plays - but there was never an unacceptable level of noise/disruption. Sadly, from first-hand accounts on here, it seems that that is NOT always the case, and too many children are having their nativity spoiled by the bad behaviour of others! Stories of children climbing onto the stage, whilst their parents smile indulgently, or screaming non-stop and not being taken out. I wonder how many people would really be happy if their child's nativity, and their child's moment, were obliterated by such disruption - I know I would NOT have been happy!

Oh, and it is ridiculous to blame the schools for this disruption - the children who are causing the disruption are pre-schoolers - how the hell can the schools be to blame for their behaviour? Isn't it their parents who are responsible for not keeping them reasonably quiet, and for letting them run around? What can the school do (apart from banning under 5s), if parents won't keep their children with them and reasonably quiet, and refuse to take them out??

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