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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

kicked out of nativity with 5 week old.

541 replies

nativity15 · 15/12/2015 07:51

I'm just after your opinions. I have name changed but am a regular.

We received a letter about the school play and it said no children under 5 due to limited seating. I have a 5 week old new born and took her along in her car seat as opposed to her pram so she could go on my lap in her car seat not to take up space. Lots of other parents done the same. Once we got there we was all kicked out it was horrible and highly embarrassing. The hall went so quite and I'm sure everyone was looking at me. I quietly explained that we was taking up no extra space (lots of empty seats due to lots being kicked out) and she said I still have to leave due to health and safety. I do not do public confrontations well so quietly got up and left but must say I felt very heartbroken about it. I know it's just a school play but my eldest who is 6 was extremely excited her new sister was coming to 'watch' and now both of us will not be in the audience. My husband works full time and never made last year's due to work but was on paternity leave so this year we was able to all go together....it's Christmas.....we also have a new born and I was very happy about it all....abit of family time and all of us going to see her at her christmas play it just made me feel all warm and cosy and christmasy.

Anyway turns out it was nothing to do with health and safety and was an excuse to get me and the parents before me out the hall.

I have complained about this. Lots of the children have younger siblings. Not everyone has childcare so a lot of angry mum's and dads missed out.

So it turns out that this new 'heath and safety rule' was really the new head teacher didn't want any children under 5...I assume due to noise maybe. This school has always been brilliant in my opinion. They invite in parents with young siblings to do work shops etc and the school children visit other places and people in the community....that's what i like about the school makes you feel and also helps others in the community. But now this has happened I feel the opposite
I'm sure all the children and teachers worked hard for the play and now some children's families won't all be able to come and see them now...very sad.

Aibu to say under 5s are also part of our community and they are part of the families who want to come to the play to see older siblings and shouldn't be excluded due to their age.

I would.like to say this new rule only came in this year. Last year there were other children. I didn't have to think about it until this year but don't recall anything bad happening last year's play so the younger children where obviously not that disruptive.

OP posts:
LarrytheCucumber · 15/12/2015 13:25

I was an Infant teacher for 30 years and the 'no preschoolers' rule was always in force. The nativity play (or whatever production is taking place that year) is all about the children preforming, and having to compete with crying babies or 'cute' toddlers running up and down is unfair.
The plays usually happen on more than one day, and so parents often arrange to mind each others' children and go on different days.
In addition to the play we also had an end of term sing along, to which babies and toddlers were more than welcome.

randomcatname · 15/12/2015 13:30

Oof, haven't read the full thread but saw some of the replies and am a bit Shock

OP I think the situation at your school is bonkers. My dc have been in 3 different schools and I've never come across a situation where family members are kept out. A school and its families are the focal point of any community. In my experience they've always been most welcoming. Your headteacher sounds a bit barmy to me. You should all complain so that next year everything proceeds a bit more smoothly.

MascaraAndConverse89 · 15/12/2015 13:31

ElfontheShelf I'm not sure what you mean by that! BlushGrin

00100001 · 15/12/2015 13:41

"No under 5s due to limited seats.
No under 5s."

Can you not see the first part of that sentence. NO..... UNDER....5s"

There's NOTHING TO GET CONFUSED ABOUT!!

amitho · 15/12/2015 13:45

The note said 'no under 5s'

Did you just assume it didn't apply to you?

coffeetasteslikeshit · 15/12/2015 13:45

"Aibu to say under 5s are also part of our community and they are part of the families who want to come to the play to see older siblings and shouldn't be excluded due to their age."

YABU, I think it's awful to exclude under 5s. So much for the spirit of Christmas.

Unfortunately I have to say YABU to be embarrassed about being asked to leave after taking the baby after being told no under 5s though.

amitho · 15/12/2015 13:50

Why on earth should 5 week old babies be welcomed to the heart of the school? It's not actually about them. I insisted mine sit quietly and watch from year dot. Shame other parents don't do the same. It's a life skill to be able to sit quietly and watch something even if you are bored shitless.

TheFairyCaravan · 15/12/2015 13:50

I've been a parent of children in a nativity and I've been a staff member who has organised a Christmas concert at a nursery.

When my children were little they often had speaking parts and put in many hours learning their lines. Fortunately back then it was scorned upon for toddlers to run about in the hall and at the slightest peep the very strict head mistress shot you daggers and you took them out.

When we used to spend every single day from the beginning of October practising singing Christmas songs with children we really did want them to be heard. It was beyond annoying and not fair on the children for parents to be sat there with screaming babies and little children.

It's not about you, or what you want to see. It's about the children, they want to show off, and it doesn't matter if it's not the National Ballet, or the RSC, or the Royal Albert Hall. They have worked hard and they deserve to be heard.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 15/12/2015 13:53

Very well said Fairy Smile

amitho · 15/12/2015 13:53

Noisy preschoolers at concerts are one of the most irritating things in the world. And I say that as a mother of four.

MascaraAndConverse89 · 15/12/2015 13:53

Why on earth should 5 week old babies be welcomed to the heart of the school

Why should other family members Grandparents then?

MascaraAndConverse89 · 15/12/2015 13:54

Why on earth should 5 week old babies be welcomed to the heart of the school

Why should other family members such as Grandparents then?

mouldycheesefan · 15/12/2015 13:55

Surely grandparents don't cry loudly ?

OldFarticus · 15/12/2015 13:56

Why on earth should 5 week old babies be welcomed to the heart of the school?

This, with (sleigh) bells on! As with so many other things in life, it's the inconsiderate few who don't remove crying children who ruin it for everyone else.

I do think it should have been enforced both days though...

HumphreyCobblers · 15/12/2015 13:57

All the people saying that they have never had a play disrupted by toddlers - that is great for you. Do you think the rest of us are making it up?

MascaraAndConverse89 · 15/12/2015 13:57

Doesn't matter. If you're going to exclude on set of family members based on their age then might as well have the same attitude with the rest of them.

Ageist indeed.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 15/12/2015 13:57

Under 5s probably would not be excluded from some or all of schools' nativity plays etc if some parents were better at getting their small children to behave and/or taking them out, if they were being disruptive.

For all those saying 'it's not RADA' - well, no it isn't - but it IS very special to the children involved, and they and their teachers have worked very hard to make the play or performance the best they can - and when smaller children are running around, shouting, crying, generally disrupting the whole event, it spoils it for the children taking part - and I am sorry, but to me, their feelings matter most!!

If your child has worked hard to learn their part of the play, and then it's disrupted by a toddler whose parents can't or won't make them behave - and your child is put off their performance - is that OK? I don't think so.

I have gone to primary school nativity plays with smaller siblings of the child involved in tow - and I made sure that my boys behaved themselves, didn't make noise - and if they had, I made sure I was near enough an exit to whip them out quick-smart, and would have done so!

Yes, the nativity is a family thing, but is the toddler who is screaming their head off enjoying it? Appreciating it? What about the one who is treating the hall like a playground? I doubt they are really taking in what is going on on the stage. So for the sake of these children, the ones who have worked hard on their play, and their parents, must have the whole thing ruined? NO!

I think that a fair compromise is to do a performance where smaller children are welcome - and then the teachers can prime the performers to be aware that there will be lots of noise, so they can cope better - and a performance where no under 5s are allowed, so parents can enjoy the play.

I am utterly baffled that someone can read a note that says 'No under5s - due to space', but can argue that that doesn't mean 'No under 5s'!! Nativity - the second part of the sentence EXPLAINS the rule, it does not change it. I have no doubt you were embarrassed to be asked to leave the hall - but it was your own fault, no-one else's.

MascaraAndConverse89 · 15/12/2015 14:00

Also, babies should be welcomed in to the heart of school because they might be small and they might not do much, but they're still family to the children.

At what she should they be welcomed in to the heart of school do you recommend? When they start nursery?

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 15/12/2015 14:01

I have no doubt you were embarrassed to be asked to leave the hall - but it was your own fault, no-one else's.

OP the school should have never put you in such a position in the first place. If I was the Head I would be embarrased and ashamed.

amitho · 15/12/2015 14:01

Dd3s school has a performance in the day where younger siblings are welcome. The main performance is in the evening and younger siblings are not allowed.

I used to take ds4 to the early one and dh went to the late one with Dd1 and Dd2.

amitho · 15/12/2015 14:02

At what she should they be welcomed in to the heart of school do you recommend? When they start nursery?

When they start at the school!

Rumplesilkmittens · 15/12/2015 14:03

This could affect the insurance that the school have, if they only have space for 50 people, the school will only put out seats for 50 and only sell tickets for 50. If parents then take small children to sit on their lap, the numbers can increase significantly. If anything happens, the school will not be insured as they are overcrowded.

I agree that under 5's shouldn't attend these sort of things as they get bored easily and just don't understand how to be quite.

Our school has a creche, run by staff, PTA and some childminders (so all CRB checked), they also have two different performances so each parent can go, if they can't go together.

I think your school handled it badly, but perhaps you could suggest they have a creche or multiple performances in future.

Anotherusername1 · 15/12/2015 14:03

*"No under 5s due to limited seats.
No under 5s."

Can you not see the first part of that sentence. NO..... UNDER....5s"

There's NOTHING TO GET CONFUSED ABOUT!!*

Yes there is!

For the simple reason that babes in arms do not take up seats!

Also why is it ok for a school to exclude a 5 week old baby but if a restaurant did everyone would be going on about the rights of the breastfeeding mother! I've said this before but the inconsistency of MN astounds me.

MascaraAndConverse89 · 15/12/2015 14:03

When do grandparents start at the school though?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 15/12/2015 14:04

I don't think the Head should be embarrassed or ashamed - either for wanting the Nativity play not to be disrupted by noisy children whose parents won't or can't deal with the situation, or for sticking by the rule they had created!!

Why are the feelings of parents or of the misbehaving children more important than those of the children who have worked so hard on the Nativity play, only to have it spoiled by disruption?

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