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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

kicked out of nativity with 5 week old.

541 replies

nativity15 · 15/12/2015 07:51

I'm just after your opinions. I have name changed but am a regular.

We received a letter about the school play and it said no children under 5 due to limited seating. I have a 5 week old new born and took her along in her car seat as opposed to her pram so she could go on my lap in her car seat not to take up space. Lots of other parents done the same. Once we got there we was all kicked out it was horrible and highly embarrassing. The hall went so quite and I'm sure everyone was looking at me. I quietly explained that we was taking up no extra space (lots of empty seats due to lots being kicked out) and she said I still have to leave due to health and safety. I do not do public confrontations well so quietly got up and left but must say I felt very heartbroken about it. I know it's just a school play but my eldest who is 6 was extremely excited her new sister was coming to 'watch' and now both of us will not be in the audience. My husband works full time and never made last year's due to work but was on paternity leave so this year we was able to all go together....it's Christmas.....we also have a new born and I was very happy about it all....abit of family time and all of us going to see her at her christmas play it just made me feel all warm and cosy and christmasy.

Anyway turns out it was nothing to do with health and safety and was an excuse to get me and the parents before me out the hall.

I have complained about this. Lots of the children have younger siblings. Not everyone has childcare so a lot of angry mum's and dads missed out.

So it turns out that this new 'heath and safety rule' was really the new head teacher didn't want any children under 5...I assume due to noise maybe. This school has always been brilliant in my opinion. They invite in parents with young siblings to do work shops etc and the school children visit other places and people in the community....that's what i like about the school makes you feel and also helps others in the community. But now this has happened I feel the opposite
I'm sure all the children and teachers worked hard for the play and now some children's families won't all be able to come and see them now...very sad.

Aibu to say under 5s are also part of our community and they are part of the families who want to come to the play to see older siblings and shouldn't be excluded due to their age.

I would.like to say this new rule only came in this year. Last year there were other children. I didn't have to think about it until this year but don't recall anything bad happening last year's play so the younger children where obviously not that disruptive.

OP posts:
BessieBlount · 15/12/2015 12:32

Really? If s child in my class was worrying themselves sick about their part and were so nervous they actually were losing sleep then I'd talk to them about taking on a smaller part instead. But that wouldn't happen in my Y2 class because although we practise, we don't suggest the nativity is akin to Alevels!

AnnPerkins · 15/12/2015 12:33

I went to DS's nativity this morning. DH went to yesterday's performance and said he and others couldn't hear most of it due to a baby crying. The mum didn't leave.

And the same mum was there today, with the same group of mates, all with young children, her baby cried again and the toddlers talked loudly, fidgeted and grizzled throughout. It was a 20 minute play. Why couldn't they take it in turns to mind each other's kids so they could go and watch in peace and the school could get through the show without interruption?

It is a shame when you know your kid has worked hard to learn their lines and not a word they say ends up being heard.

WeThreeMythicalKings · 15/12/2015 12:33

The reasons schools had to start excluding under fives was the seeming inability of some parents to even attempt control their younger DCs. Or to do the decent thing and take them out when they were disrupting proceedings and upsetting the DCs performing.

JasperDamerel · 15/12/2015 12:34

Yes to pyjama. Children are welcome at the Nativity play, and I would be really upset if they changed the rule, even though I would no longer be affected. The children are so proud of themselves, and love it that they get a chance to perform in front of loved ones, including younger siblings.

Pyjamaramadrama · 15/12/2015 12:35

Exactly Bessie! It's supposed to be a bit of fun not a fucking major dramatic performance.

A child shouldn't be having sleepless nights over it. I think some schools are clearly taking themselves way too seriously and putting tiny children under unnecessary pressure.

Sparklingbrook · 15/12/2015 12:35

This was 1993 Bessie I am glad things might have changed. I got the impression the teachers thought putting the nervous types in with speaking roles would be character building or something?

catkind · 15/12/2015 12:36

I would really like to emphasise it's not just the parents that lose out. First and foremost it's about the kids - who want their parents to be there. Yes, including the single parent families in difficult circumstances who can't just book a babysitter. Including the ones who've got a newborn sibling and are feeling pushed into second place. Especially them!

Sparklingbrook · 15/12/2015 12:36

Sorry 2003. DS1 isn't that old. Blush

ineedaholidaynow · 15/12/2015 12:36

For everyone who says that babes in arms don't count for fire regs, insurance purposes etc., I have always assumed that fire regs count the number of bodies so babes in arms would count, doesn't matter how small they are.

Am I wrong?

catkind · 15/12/2015 12:37

PS the main part in DS' play still forgot most of her lines despite there being a ban on children in the audience. Some kids just get stage fright.

Pyjamaramadrama · 15/12/2015 12:38

Some of the performers might want their baby siblings to see them.

At ds school all the TAs are on stage with the kids prompting them and even holding the hands of some of the shy children.

NewBallsPlease00 · 15/12/2015 12:38

It was parents talking at ours...
baby had a boob dummy as insurance

Cockbollocks · 15/12/2015 12:41

I too have never been to a nativity where children are running around causing chaos. We do have a sensible head though who makes it very clear at each performance that unsettled children need to be taken out and will be 'helped out' if needed. In the nicest possible way.

Yes there is many reasons pointed out on this thread why children should not be at Nativity performances, but there is also many reasons why they should.

Banning children is just mean, my DC love to have their siblings watch them even the 7 month old baby and they would be if gutted he wasn't allowed.

BessieBlount · 15/12/2015 12:42

Not as a blanket rule, Sparkling. Some children hate the spotlight and no amount of coaxing and praise will make them enjoy it. Some would love to take part but are shy or nervous. Those kids can be gently coaxed whilst above all else reminding them that it's all about enjoying themselves. Sometimes that will mean inventing a one line dramatic cameo part so the child feels they have a special role without the pressure of lines. We've often had Father Christmas and even the tooth fairy visiting the baby Jesus.

Euripidesralph · 15/12/2015 12:43

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO

I respectfully disagree hence why I posted that

But wait really .... you are encouraging that this nativity now means the baby is not welcome at the school at all??? Seriously?

Glad to see we are not overreacting then Hmm

JessieMcJessie · 15/12/2015 12:46

I'M WRITING IN CAPITALS SO THE POST STANDS OUT AS IT'S NOT ALWAYS CLEAR WHEN A OP RESPONDS.

That was thoughtful of you Nativity15. However, perhaps you don't know that Talk can be customised so that all the OP's posts show up in a different colour and are easy to pick out. You can also make it show your own posts in another colour.

After I discovered this it massively improved my enjoyment of Mumsnet as I woudl often spend ages scrolling throgh threads looking for the OP's username but miss it.

Just click on "Customise" at the top of this page.

Glad you were able to see the Nativity today. It's worth asking whey they threw you out yesterday but allowed under-5s in today.

Sparklingbrook · 15/12/2015 12:46

Smile I like the sound of that Bessie. DS1 was glad to get to Year 4 and leave all of it behind and so was I TBH.

DS2 got on with it and didn't mind one way or the other. Easier to watch.

MascaraAndConverse89 · 15/12/2015 12:52

I'm another one who has never been to a nativity that has been disrupted by little children. I was at DS's the other day and there was a toddler who sat beautifully, and there were also a couple of babies that weren't crying either.

This is why DS's school doesn't ban small children from the get go. And I respect them for that because they have the right attitude. If the toddler or the babies started crying then that's when their rule of take them to the side/outside kicks in.

I don't think people give little children or the parents of little children enough credit tbh.

IGotAPea · 15/12/2015 12:53

I don't know about other schools but dds school only the reception children do the nativity.

So these children were preschoolers themselves not that long ago. For many this will be the first performance they do for parents and the only nativity they will take part in. They are not much older than some of the siblings in the audience and I think too young to understand that the show must go on and not be distracted by children acting up in the audience.
I can understand why they'd find it hard, they've only been going to school a few months and a decent chunk of that will have been planning and practicing the nativity with them being built up with excitement to show their parents and everyone else their hard work.

Children should be welcome, and most nativities I've been to have gone well, but an adult should take a child out if they get distressed and won't be settled, and because a small minority don't, we end up with no under fives in scone schools.

Notimefortossers · 15/12/2015 12:54

I don't own a sling and used the car seat as it's a bit of a walk and the pram is big.

Sorry I'm still stuck on this strange point . . . Isn't carrying a baby in a car seat MUCH heavier than just carrying a baby? I hated carrying car seats even from car to house, can't imagine doing it for any kind of distance!

I was on the side of the majority on this, until OP said that she'd gone today and there were under 5's there that had not been kicked out. It's this that makes it unfair and I'd definitely be questioning it

ChinaSorrows · 15/12/2015 13:04

Hi op.

How horrid for you that the "no under 5's" was not implemented fairly for both performances.

Looking forward.
Perhaps it would be worth having a conversation with the head teacher, asking so you can understand what happened? Leaving a 5 week old breastfed baby is far from ideal but you did it out of respect for rules which were not implemented again.

The head will undoubtedly apologise. And perhaps you can turn this into a positive? An opportunity to be involved in the school. Speak about offering a crèche performance in future, a few mums running a crèche in the school nursery or dining room or something. Literally throw a DVD on and keep them safe for 30 minutes! Become a part of the solution and take the gratitude.
You look after other's babies and in turn, they look after yours the next performance.
Encourage the head to enforce 100% no children under 5. It's better for all the children on stage. All the families hear their hard work :-)

GoblinLittleOwl · 15/12/2015 13:08

Good.
Good for the school for enforcing their request.
Good that the children could perform without being interrupted by crying babies.
Good for parents ditto.
Suggest that next year there is a creche for small children, and offer to help organise/run it. Part of the community.

JasperDamerel · 15/12/2015 13:14

I'm really glad that my children's school puts the emphasis on being welcoming and inclusive, whether that means welcoming younger siblings or giving decent parts to the kids who have disabilities which make them likely to be noisy at point during the show. I have yet to see any of these noises spoing the show - I think that the welcoming atmosphere enhances the experience, and the children are confident about performing with distractions. There are usually all sorts of things going on in the hall during rehearsals, so they are good at speaking out and not being distracted.

MascaraAndConverse89 · 15/12/2015 13:14

Part of the community
So are babies and toddlers. Hence why schools who ban them completely have the wrong attitude.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 15/12/2015 13:16

Wrong attitude Mascara and also a sledge nutcracker approach to the problem.