kicked out of nativity with 5 week old.

[nativity15]

I'm just after your opinions. I have name changed but am a regular.

We received a letter about the school play and it said no children under 5 due to limited seating. I have a 5 week old new born and took her along in her car seat as opposed to her pram so she could go on my lap in her car seat not to take up space. Lots of other parents done the same. Once we got there we was all kicked out it was horrible and highly embarrassing. The hall went so quite and I'm sure everyone was looking at me. I quietly explained that we was taking up no extra space (lots of empty seats due to lots being kicked out) and she said I still have to leave due to health and safety. I do not do public confrontations well so quietly got up and left but must say I felt very heartbroken about it. I know it's just a school play but my eldest who is 6 was extremely excited her new sister was coming to 'watch' and now both of us will not be in the audience. My husband works full time and never made last year's due to work but was on paternity leave so this year we was able to all go together....it's Christmas.....we also have a new born and I was very happy about it all....abit of family time and all of us going to see her at her christmas play it just made me feel all warm and cosy and christmasy.

Anyway turns out it was nothing to do with health and safety and was an excuse to get me and the parents before me out the hall.

I have complained about this. Lots of the children have younger siblings. Not everyone has childcare so a lot of angry mum's and dads missed out.

So it turns out that this new 'heath and safety rule' was really the new head teacher didn't want any children under 5...I assume due to noise maybe. This school has always been brilliant in my opinion. They invite in parents with young siblings to do work shops etc and the school children visit other places and people in the community....that's what i like about the school makes you feel and also helps others in the community. But now this has happened I feel the opposite
I'm sure all the children and teachers worked hard for the play and now some children's families won't all be able to come and see them now...very sad.

Aibu to say under 5s are also part of our community and they are part of the families who want to come to the play to see older siblings and shouldn't be excluded due to their age.

I would.like to say this new rule only came in this year. Last year there were other children. I didn't have to think about it until this year but don't recall anything bad happening last year's play so the younger children where obviously not that disruptive.

You say there were two shows. Did it not occur to you for your dh and you to go to different shows, with the other staying home with the baby? That's what we did, problem of no under 5s sorted.

Yes we used to have a dress rehearsal performance for grandparents and younger siblings, which was more chaotic but still fun,

Yes his shining moment. He's spent weeks practising his lines and knew them by heart yet he was so distracted by the noise in the audience that he forgot them and had to read from a piece of paper.

I'm sorry your dd had no shining moment, thankfully our school manages to include ALL year 2 children in the various roles as well as Y1 and FS performing their own songs until they get to Y2 and get to act/narrate.

HT is new to the school and is mainly seeing how things run this time around as things have been the same way for so long. Hopefully next year things will be different.

Op I really feel for you and taste the in justice here.

The Nativity play is also about far more than the child having a line . Its about seeing the whole class, being on stage, the songs !!

Goodness knows what some parents tell their dc about performing! Perhaps your projecting your anxieties onto your dc in case their line gets drowned out, by a cough, a sneeze, a shuffle of heavy feet and a wail from a toddler?????

I told my DC that the show must go on, doesn't matter if your fellow actor has a coughing fit, the show must go on. ignore the audience, the show must go on. A good actor navigates any problems on stage and carries on regardless.

I would kick up a massive fuss, ask the head to try giving a speech next year so parents of small dc are not penalised.

Nativitys are rare and special when DC so young, its about so much more than the line and its awful you were made to miss it.

I think it's more some posters have seen their young dc upset at having worked hard for months on their part, and sometimes having to overcome confidence issues to even get on that stage, and sometimes also speak in front of a large crowd with unfamiliar faces, to then get drowned out or become distracted and fumble because younger siblings. They remember their dcs disappointment/upset is all.

This ^^

OP I really do empathise with the hormones .... My ds2 is 3 weeks old , my eldest DS is 3.... last night I had a meltdown because DH faffed moving a sainsburys bag from the dining room table... so please understand I really mean it when I say I understand the hormones

I am also terrified ds1 will feel pushed out by ds2 or ds2 won't get enough attention... so I completely understand the need to ensure they are both happy

But
Your last post worried me a little.... its a big jump to then decide your newborn is "not welcome" at the school.... its called catastrophizing. ... its worth researching as it's not a healthy thought process

It's probably all hormones but the reality is and I'm sorry but although you have experienced a massive life event and the world stops... It doesn't for the rest of the world and it sounds as if you are hacked off exceptions weren't made for you

Do I think it's a silly rule... yep I do but it was the rule.... not "nu under 5's unless you think you can circumvent it and find a way around it" it was no under 5's for whatever reason

You shouldn't have taken little one and your insistence that you weren't in the wrong is I suspect what is causing pps to think you were entitled

I firmly believe it was my choice tp have two children and therefore it's my choice to handle situations like this without expecting special treatment. ... no I wouldn't have left ds2 either with a stranger... I'd have gone to a different show and got DH to stand outside with ds2 if I needed to.... its a bit silly to jump to assuming people were insisting you leave him

Listen .... your hormonal and in a state... as are we all at this stage.... but it's suck it up time. .. on this one you were unreasonable... accept it and move on

I feel your pain.... again I threw my toys out of the pram for DH insisting on returning to work... good lord doesn't he know I had a baby ;-)

But in the nicest possible way stop being a special snowflake.... you broke the rules and got a consequence be done with it and enjoy your lovely family

Lattillis, that's fine with a toddler. I also went with a 6day old newborn. I couldn't have left her with DH for 2hours as she was on the breast constantly at first.

We seem to be forgetting that the op was talking about a newborn. I've known s few schools with the no under 5 rule but newborns are usually excepted.

He's spent weeks practising his lines and knew them by heart yet he was so distracted by the noise in the audience that he forgot them and had to read from a piece of paper.

I am afraid at this time of year coughs, colds are everywhere.

You should have rehearsed him with noises to get him used to them. The show has to go on and you can not guarantee silence in a school play no matter who is in the audience.

Any parent reading this thread take note, if your child is going to be totally thrown by a noise, rehearse them with noises at home so they practise staying on course.

A good lesson for all future public speaking as no event ever will be totally noise/distraction free.

HTH

Nativities, although full of children are like cinema. You really do not appreciate younger children in the public making noise when you are trying so hard to hear the words that your child is muttering on stage.

I do think however that you didn't break any rules, they said not siblings due to sitting space and your child was not taking any seat.

Whenever I went it was all about my child's lines. If they weren't in it I wouldn't be going in the first place.

I wonder how many HT's hearts sink when Nativity season rolls around. Loads I would imagine.

And to the pp who was threatening scorched earth on the whole of the education system for doscriminating against breastfeeding mothers.... Please knock it off.... I'm a breastfeeding mother and crap like that makes us all look like twats. ... This was not discrimination and breastfeeding does not require a rolled out red carpet of special dispensation

You're embarrassing the rest of us who breastfeed and have a brain at the same time

But in the nicest possible way stop being a special snowflake.... you broke the rules and got a consequence be done with it and enjoy your lovely family

special snowflake I don't think ops being the Special snowflake here!

Op challenge the rules, ask why the HT cant give effective speach, all those with young dc please sit at the back or in aisle seats, please make sure you have toys, to distract dc with, and so on.

I agree it makes it feel like baby is not welcome at the school, the navity is heart of the school year. baby not welcome.

Our school lets under-5s comes to plays. The school does ask that if they start to make a lot of noise that the parent just takes them to the side/outside.

There isn't just a blanket ban on all under-5s. The school gives them that chance, which is good. I think all school should have the same attitude tbh rather than say straight up they aren't welcome.
Fwiw I didn't take my youngest two who are 2yrs and 10mths. I did manage to find a babysitter because I didn't want to have to worry about minding the little ones. But I like the fact that had I not been able to find a babysitter, I would have still had that opportunity to watch DS1 and he still would have been able to know that I was coming to watch him.

I think a complete ban on under-5s is wrong.

But Alora, he's 7yrs old. Who cares if he needed to read from a piece of paper? Schools are noisy places. It's a useful skill to be able to tune out surrounding noise. My older 2 boys learned it pretty quickly when the younger 2 came along. And I think some parents place too much emphasis on how special it is. I never made a big thing about it for the boys and I won't for dd. it's just a fun experience on stage singing happy songs with your classmates.

[Looks sideways and starts clapping at Euripidesralph's comment]

I see, your lucky arnt you Sparkling! Your dc got lines!

Maybe if they didnt you would have appreciated the whole entire thing not just your dc line, but them on the stage, the songs, the dances, movement, props....the little laughs and looks they give to each other, waving out to parents....

its about so much more...

I couldn't agree more elfon.

All this 'my child's starring moment' sounds very uptight.

Agree with a pp too who said families are what makes the school.

I'm glad ds school seems to make it a more laid back event. The children all seemed to stumble through with all the distractions of babies, toddlers, parents coughing, parents waving, performers waving at their parents, performers coughing, sneezing. The teachers helped the less confident ones Ali g and it was a happy and inclusive event.

I say that as someone who had no other children during ds1 nativity years.

God there are some mean spirited, misanthropic, precious people posting here.

No child can tell that people cannot hear them in the audience, they don't know if you have heard or not.
It is not the end of the world if it is not dead silence when they say their piece, the fact that they have been chosen to speak, learnt the lines and been brave enough to say them is the big deal that should be celebrated.

I have had experience at three primary schools now, so about 8 (ish) nativities, and all of them allowed all ages children. Maybe my expectations were lower, but none of them, not one, was ruined by any of these dreadful children being talked about here.

OP - well you ignored the rule - however the rule was explained as a "taking up seats" rule rather than a "music teacher has pretensions to be next Andrew Lloyd Webber and therefore the audience must be silent" so I think it's forgivable.

Schools that exclude younger siblings from events are pathetic and have lost all sense of what matters.

For loads of children performing on stage is not a fun experience. They worry about it for weeks and have sleepless nights, but they have to take part. So it's really good if their bit can go without a hitch.

Oh stop with your entitled whining. Yabu.

I couldn't have given a crap whether he read from a piece of paper or not, I was proud of him regardless.

He put the work in, he spent ages learning his lines, he should have had chance to show off that work without being totally distracted by toddlers wailing and I should have been able to sit and watch without being kicked repeatedly.

If it makes me a special snowflake so feel that way then a special snowflake I am.

Our primary school has the same rule. Younger siblings (babies and pre-schoolers) are not allowed to attend because they tend to make a noise/run around etc.

Those who turned up in disregard of the rule were turned away.

As it was the reception year children struggled at times to be heard as many parents pointed out their LO's to other parents, talked about their clothes, etc. And the waving! Parents standing up, blocking the view,giving thumbs up and waving to their kids - putting them off.

Just don't! Poor littleys are struggling to remember the words, actions etc. The last thing they need is a younger sibling yelling all through the play whilst mum/dad/auntie/whoever stands up gurning and waving until the kid waves back.

Perspective.

I see, your lucky arnt you Sparkling! Your dc got lines!

Not lucky really. I think the school thought the more times he was made to say lines the more he might enjoy being on stage. Didn't work sadly. He's 16 now and still hates anything like that.

I often sat there holding my breath for him.