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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

kicked out of nativity with 5 week old.

541 replies

nativity15 · 15/12/2015 07:51

I'm just after your opinions. I have name changed but am a regular.

We received a letter about the school play and it said no children under 5 due to limited seating. I have a 5 week old new born and took her along in her car seat as opposed to her pram so she could go on my lap in her car seat not to take up space. Lots of other parents done the same. Once we got there we was all kicked out it was horrible and highly embarrassing. The hall went so quite and I'm sure everyone was looking at me. I quietly explained that we was taking up no extra space (lots of empty seats due to lots being kicked out) and she said I still have to leave due to health and safety. I do not do public confrontations well so quietly got up and left but must say I felt very heartbroken about it. I know it's just a school play but my eldest who is 6 was extremely excited her new sister was coming to 'watch' and now both of us will not be in the audience. My husband works full time and never made last year's due to work but was on paternity leave so this year we was able to all go together....it's Christmas.....we also have a new born and I was very happy about it all....abit of family time and all of us going to see her at her christmas play it just made me feel all warm and cosy and christmasy.

Anyway turns out it was nothing to do with health and safety and was an excuse to get me and the parents before me out the hall.

I have complained about this. Lots of the children have younger siblings. Not everyone has childcare so a lot of angry mum's and dads missed out.

So it turns out that this new 'heath and safety rule' was really the new head teacher didn't want any children under 5...I assume due to noise maybe. This school has always been brilliant in my opinion. They invite in parents with young siblings to do work shops etc and the school children visit other places and people in the community....that's what i like about the school makes you feel and also helps others in the community. But now this has happened I feel the opposite
I'm sure all the children and teachers worked hard for the play and now some children's families won't all be able to come and see them now...very sad.

Aibu to say under 5s are also part of our community and they are part of the families who want to come to the play to see older siblings and shouldn't be excluded due to their age.

I would.like to say this new rule only came in this year. Last year there were other children. I didn't have to think about it until this year but don't recall anything bad happening last year's play so the younger children where obviously not that disruptive.

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 15/12/2015 11:47

Coughing can't really be avoided. Unfortunately. Taking noisy babies in can.

Headofthehive55 · 15/12/2015 11:47

No room at the inn. Very apt don't you think!

Sparklingbrook · 15/12/2015 11:48

Do schools still sell the DVD for £££s afterwards?

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 15/12/2015 11:49

I agree Head. I know some people are stupid and dicks I have been stood right at the back by the door with a toddler, and from a seat, mum came with small baby and literally stood right in front of , blocking me and another straining to see - with toddlers!!

A good Head Mistress, who is good at speaking and getting her point across should be able to relay all of this to the parents before the show.

And if the head doesnt have the above skils, then wrong job.

catkind · 15/12/2015 11:51

Glad you did actually get to go to the play OP.

I really don't like these anti toddler rules. All very well "protecting their children" but half the children had younger siblings at DS school. Would you rather have a slightly noisy family atmosphere, or half of reception in tears because they can't see their mum?

DS school in reception also said no children due to seating; when queried, they confirmed that toddlers on knees were fine. Plenty of people had just assumed that without querying too. So I agree your school didn't handle it well and YANBU.

I also think in almost all circumstances exceptions should be made for a 5 week old newborn, so even if it had been a blank no under-5s rule I would kind of expect newborns to be excepted from that. I've been to lots of events that were no kids but tiny babies came as a matter of course. I do think someone could probably make a case for it being discrimination against bf mums, with a bf newborn I would definitely assume baby goes where mum goes.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 15/12/2015 11:56

It goes against everything the nativity is about.

Shocked by the replies on here.

Sparklingbrook · 15/12/2015 11:57

It goes against everything the nativity is about.

It really doesn't.

IGotAPea · 15/12/2015 11:58

But some posters are sounding unhinged because they didn't hear a line in a nativity.

I think it's more some posters have seen their young dc upset at having worked hard for months on their part, and sometimes having to overcome confidence issues to even get on that stage, and sometimes also speak in front of a large crowd with unfamiliar faces, to then get drowned out or become distracted and fumble because younger siblings. They remember their dcs disappointment/upset is all.

Equally if OP didn't get to see her dd in the second play this morning I wouldn't think she was unhinged for being upset in the future for not being able to hear her dd in a play either.

gingerboy1912 · 15/12/2015 12:03

Yabu op, the kids and teachers work really hard on these plays and it's disrespectful to bring very small children to it because they often disrupt the play and ruin it for everyone, each children has their chance to be in a school play so nobody misses out, there are plenty of other things to do as a family in the future, the old headteacher at our school made no secret of the fact small kids weren't allowed because of noise and disruption, she didn't try to sugar coat it by making it about health n safety

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 15/12/2015 12:04

It does.

A Good Head, can and should be able to navigate this issue if they have unbelievable silly parents and make sure its open to all.

AloraRyger · 15/12/2015 12:04

I SO wish we'd had a no under 5's rule at the nativity this year. I couldn't hear my ds2 over three different screaming children and he was the loudest of all the narrators they had. His shining moment (because he's Y2 and won't get the opportunity again) was ruined bless him and he looked totally crestfallen.

And dh and I wouldn't have spent the whole time being kicked in the back by a writhing toddler who did not want to sit on her mother's lap either.

The nativity is about the performers, not the audience. A chance to show off their hard work. To have that disrupted is really unfair.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 15/12/2015 12:05

Yabu op, the kids and teachers work really hard on these plays and it's disrespectful to bring very small children to it because they often disrupt the play and ruin it for everyone

I have sat thru them for 6 years now and never witnessed major disruption at all.

Sparklingbrook · 15/12/2015 12:05

Well said Alora.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 15/12/2015 12:06

alora

so why not ask the head to ask people with young dc to sit at the back?

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 15/12/2015 12:07

Yes Alora, well said

BessieBlount · 15/12/2015 12:07

I wasn't saying there wouldn't be s slight disappointment at not hearing your child's line. As I said, unfortunately I missed my 10yr old ds2 playing the main part in his show. Of course there is a wee bit of disappointment but saying ' I really hate that parent' is a bit much. Also it's more than likely that others heard the line just not the parent so no real disappointment for the child.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 15/12/2015 12:08

Shining moment ruined?

Why should he think that? You didn't let him think that? How on earth does he know what the audience can and cant hear?

You should tell him he is lucky to even get a shining moment, and that it was fabulous, my DD has had no shining moments at all. Like many other DC in his class.

AloraRyger · 15/12/2015 12:08

I'd rather ask the head to consider a ban on under 5's (and on latecomers too, arriving 10 minutes in is equally disruptive!)

gingerboy1912 · 15/12/2015 12:10

Elf. That's good if you haven't, but small children, toddlers etc typically don't like sitting still and being quiet for too long. You only have to witness a wedding ceremony to see parents trying to shush their little ones and end up taking them out of the church during the service, and if you are really unfortunate you might even see a vicar getting stroppy and stopping the service half way through to 'dismiss' the child and parent!Hmm

DownstairsMixUp · 15/12/2015 12:10

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 15/12/2015 12:10

but why?

there is no need for a ban, plenty of schools manage to have a nativity with no disruption or inconsequential disruption?

BessieBlount · 15/12/2015 12:11

But, Alora, that is the fault of the HT. HTs need to have the balls to say, 'bring toddlers but sit at the back and please take them out as soon as they fuss. If you don't you'll be asked to leave. They then need to enforce this as our HT at work does. Parent know to leave immediately or be escorted out. They also need to accept sitting at the back.

gingerboy1912 · 15/12/2015 12:11

Alora. Spot on.

rollonthesummer · 15/12/2015 12:12

I have seen school plays totally ruined by crying and talking toddlers/babies where their parents didn't take them out. It's heartbreaking for the children who have spent time learning their lines not to have them heard and frustrating for parents who are trying to listen.

Perhaps you should ask the school to run a dress rehearsal to which young children/toddlers/grandparents maybe can go to in future and then you could offer (along with other parents) to run a crèche in a spare classroom for one of the other performances. Lots of schools do this very successfully.

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 15/12/2015 12:12

Bessie it doesn't even need balls.

Just a normal person! Its for everyone's benefit, no one minds!

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