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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"I don't drive"

269 replies

AmusingSpoonerism · 15/12/2015 03:50

I know IprobablyABU but this turn of phrase really winds me up. People say "I don't drive" when they mean "I cannot drive" or "I am not legally entitled to drive". It's not like they just decided that it's not something they'd like to do anymore so stopped. It really (unreasonably) winds me up.

Am I the only one?

OP posts:
MissBattleaxe · 15/12/2015 12:50

I don't doubt there are lift scroungers, Tinkly. But their existence doesn't justify a general attitude of arsiness to non-drivers

Exactly.

Personally I think there are very many dangerous drivers on the road that shouldn't be driving. Don't bash the ones who know they would be a risk and elect not to. If you know a lift scrounger, then please don;t assume he or she represents all non drivers.

I find it sad that there is so much pressure on people to drive these days. The roads in Britain are so congested and I know many drivers who get in their car to drive half a mile.

Pangurban1 · 15/12/2015 12:52

If they cannot drive, I'm sure it follows that they don't drive. So they are correct in saying they don't drive. They just don't enlighten you as to why they don't drive.

Of course, some people don't drive, who can. I knew someone who had been involved in a car accident where someone was killed. She didn't drive again after the accident.

53rdAndBird · 15/12/2015 12:52

I think some people who drive find it very difficult to imagine how non-drivers can possibly manage. So, if you don't have your own car you must spend your days trying to scrounge or be a lift in someone else's, because it's inconceivable that an adult could manage without any car at all!

But it's fine. I don't scrounge lifts; I don't have any need to scrounge lifts; I'm an independent adult who can get to work, go shopping, do the nursery run, visit people, and generally go about my life just fine without a car. It's fine.

MissBattleaxe · 15/12/2015 12:56

I think some people who drive find it very difficult to imagine how non-drivers can possibly manage

Yes I think people over rely on their cars way too much.

LarrytheCucumber · 15/12/2015 13:06

One of my friends has Macular Degeneration. She can drive, but isn't allowed to because of her eyesight. She would dearly love to drive, but when her DH isn't able to give her lifts she has to ask other people, because we live in an area with very poor public transport.
I'm not sure it matters how people describe their non-driving to be honest. (And she always offers me petrol money if I give her a lift, although I don't accept it.I Not everyone is a scrounger.)

60sname · 15/12/2015 14:09

But knowing how to operate and being able to drive on a public highway are two different things. I assume most people asking are interested in the latter.

When I didn't drive as we didn't have a car, I said 'we don't have a car' as the conventional meaning of 'I don't drive' is 'I can't drive'. The question is framed that way out of politeness implying choice rather than (perceived) incompetence of whatever kind.

Gruntfuttock · 15/12/2015 14:15

jorahmormont "I also hate when people act like non-drivers are twats. I can't tell the difference between left or right - trust me, it's for your own safety as well as mine that I don't - sorry, can't - drive."

I feel precisely the same as you.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 15/12/2015 14:16

I said it until about August this year. I have had my licence for over 15 years but haven't had a car for the last five. Therefore, I didn't drive. I still could though!

To be fair, I would normally have said I don't own a car rather than I don't drive for precisely the reason this so reasonably winds you up Wink

MascaraAndConverse89 · 15/12/2015 14:16

I've passed my test but don't have a car at the moment. In fact I've never had one and I passed my test 5 years ago.
Hence I don't drive. Because I have nothing to drive. :)

bruffin · 15/12/2015 14:24

I dont drive
I passed my test in 1991 but never really got the confidence to go out by myself

Aeroflotgirl · 15/12/2015 15:04

bruffin that would be me if I pass my test, I would be too anxious to go out by myself, I might need beta blockers I think.

bruffin · 15/12/2015 15:40

Aeroflotgirl
There is my MIL sitting on the drive for me to drive if i wanted to, but i can get to work by train and i worry about parking when 8 get here as there is not much parking. I do need to take a refresher course

zoobaby · 15/12/2015 15:41

I don't drive because I live in in London.

Oh wait, you're right, it should be CAN'T... because I wouldn't actually be able to park the wretched car if I had one.

startrek90 · 15/12/2015 15:46

I can't drive. I had a lesson and was involved in a bad car accident my first time. I am terrified now. I live rurally and would love to drive as it would be convenient but I freeze up and have panic attacks when I get behind the wheel of a car.

Flumplet · 15/12/2015 15:47

I can drive, but i dont, because i dont have my own car and i use public transport. Therefore "I dont drive".

StarkyTheDirewolf · 15/12/2015 16:52

I can't drive, because I've never passed my test, and I don't want to. I had lessons a few years ago, hated every minute, moved away from my instructor before booking my test and never re-started lessons.

I imagine I will need to re-learn how to drive at some point in order to pass my test. Currently, it's not financially viable, and if I did pass, we wouldn't be able to afford two lots of insurance etc. But if I need to go somewhere and Dh isn't available, I walk, or plan a bus route, as I've been doing for the past 12 years.

I say 'I don't drive' because I don't, and as pp have said, it tends to close the conversation and doesn't invite further questioning.

jorahmormont · 15/12/2015 18:41

I'm getting my CBT and a moped next year. What shall I say then? "I don't drive.... I ride..." followed by sliding on my sunglasses and puttering off into the sunset at 20mph on my little scooter? Grin

nutellacrumpet · 15/12/2015 18:47

YABU. I have got my driving licence. I don't drive.

I can drive legally. We even have a car - I am not insured on it. I just choose not to drive because we live in a city and I find it easier to walk or get public transport.

FreeSpirit89 · 15/12/2015 18:50

I don't drive because my anxiety would make me a danger to myself and other road users. I am more than happy to get the bus and/or train as needs be.

YABU - there are plenty of actually important issues to get heat up over. Like child exploitation. Fracking. Racism. Sexism.

RaspberryOverload · 15/12/2015 19:09

I can drive, and I'm happy to drive, often offering lifts.

I don't like piss-takers who scrounge lifts all the time (I put a stop to that).

Thing is, the people who piss-take are the ones who will also take the piss in other ways, so it's not about the fact that they can't/won't drive and far more about the kind of person they are.

Sadly, there have been enough piss-takers that a lot of people will view all non-drivers with unwarranted suspicion.

Oh, well, I'll carry on offering lifts to the non-piss-takers.

EmmaWoodlouse · 15/12/2015 21:01

It cuts both ways. I can drive (passed my test many years ago) but choose not to. I never know what phrase to use as "I don't drive" could be seen as a lie since so many people think it means "I can't drive." I sometimes use "I prefer not to drive" but that sounds as if it could mean that I'd do it if I had to.

Incidentally, I hardly ever ask anyone for a lift, as I honestly prefer to walk or use public transport. If anything, I sometimes feel obliged to accept an offered lift so as not to offend people.

IonaNE · 15/12/2015 21:50

YANBU.
(Especially when people try to imply that they don't drive because they care for the environment and then you find out that a) this is a reason why you have to give them a lift; b) this is why they can't share the driving on a 6+hr journey the two of you are taking together; c) they never bothered to learn thinking there'll always be someone giving them a lift; d) they didn't learn because they could never save the money while going out and getting drunk every weekend and going on "shagaloof"-type holidays throughout their 20s and 30s; e) they lost their licence due to DUI.

quietbatperson · 15/12/2015 22:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SuburbanRhonda · 15/12/2015 22:46

IonaNE

You sound lovely Hmm

Owllady · 15/12/2015 23:14

I don't mind giving people lifts, it's none of my business why they don't drive
I honestly think some of you need to get a life!:o