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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

"I don't drive"

269 replies

AmusingSpoonerism · 15/12/2015 03:50

I know IprobablyABU but this turn of phrase really winds me up. People say "I don't drive" when they mean "I cannot drive" or "I am not legally entitled to drive". It's not like they just decided that it's not something they'd like to do anymore so stopped. It really (unreasonably) winds me up.

Am I the only one?

OP posts:

53rdAndBird · 15/12/2015 06:15

But if I say "I don't drive", I'm not asking for sympathy and/or a lift. I'm just saying I don't drive.

If you want the lengthy explanation about exactly how much my visual impairment impacts upon my field of vision and why I decided to stop having lessons despite still being borderline on what's legally permitted, plus my feelings about the environment impact of cars, plus the state of my household finances, you're free to ask I suppose. But most people don't actually care!

toomuchtooold · 15/12/2015 06:30

I can't say the turn of phrase has ever bothered me but it does/did get up my nose as a kid when all the women in the family treated it like a lifestyle choice while all the men thought of it as essential. And then all the women who did drive all had these weird conditions on how they would drive: one only drove automatics, some wouldn't drive in the dark, or in the rain. When I got my first car for my first job my uncle phoned me up and told me he'd sat down with the road atlas and worked me out a way to drive to work that didn't use the motorway. I was like WTF, there is a motorway that runs about 30 of the 35 miles to my work, why the hell would I not use it.

Minesril · 15/12/2015 06:30

I've never been asked 'can I drive', it's always 'do you drive'. I hate being asked, because the honest answer is, 'I care about the environment and my figure'. But that rather sounds like I'm judging people for driving...which I'm really not. Well, sometimes... glares at unmoving, polluting line of traffic outside my house every single morning

I also hate it when people offer me a lift. I pretty much always say no (unless we're going on holiday together, in which situation petrol money is offered) but worry that I'm giving offence! Why should I worry? Why should I feel inferior about preferring to walk/cycle home? Should I bow down because I've been offered a 'favour' I don't want?

In conclusion: I always say, 'I don't drive'. I'm not changing that. Sorry!

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 15/12/2015 06:47

I don't drive.

I've tried learning, it's a fact that I'd probably be a menace on the roads so gave up trying.

I prefer 'don't' to 'can't'.

Groovee · 15/12/2015 06:52

My dad has been told he is not allowed to drive following a recent stroke. He is devastated! He used to be a long distance lorry driver and has driven since he was old enough.

Dd has no intentions of driving just now. But she may well find she changes her mind!

KeyserSophie · 15/12/2015 06:52

Minesril I'm pretty sure the offerer wouldnt be offended. Why would they be?

I live somewhere where most people can drive but v few people have cars, so I guess "I dont have a car" is the usual explanation why they cant get to a specific place easily, so people just say that. No-one's going to start quizzing them on it.

TwoInTheMourning · 15/12/2015 06:54

YABU even though I can't work out what exactly bothers you, the expression, its grammar or the fact that some people DON'T DRIVE. If it's the latter, YABmassivelyU. People don't drive for all sorts of reasons.

SuddenlySad · 15/12/2015 06:56

I can drive. I know how, I've been driving for 20 years. I don't drive. I've had my licence revoked for medical reasons (which fingers crossed I will be getting back next year!). I could say "I'm not allowed to drive", but this would then lead to the assumption that I've had my licence taken away for drink or dangerous driving, and then need me to correct the assumption and disclose personal information. It's easier (and grammatically correct) to say "I don't drive".

SoftBlocks · 15/12/2015 06:56

I have a driver's licence but I don't /can't drive currently for medical reasons.

When I say "I don't drive" I can sometimes see a look pass over the face of the person I'm saying it too which looks like "Don't drive or CAN'T drive?"

I ignore it. I agree with KingJoffrey it does not mean I'm a twat.

VocationalGoat · 15/12/2015 06:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

redexpat · 15/12/2015 06:59

YANBU. It winds me up too. Although it is not as bad as "falling pregnant".

BalloonSlayer · 15/12/2015 07:00

I have known two people over the years who have said "I can drive but I don't" and it turned out that they had had a few driving lessons but not taken a test. And oddly enough they were both Irish. I wondered if this was a cultural thing where if you knew how to do it and had driven a car along a road you considered yourself able to drive, although legally of course you are not able to drive.

mollie123 · 15/12/2015 07:01

The problem is that "don't" implies an element of choice in the matter.
errm - of course it is an element of choice unless I missed some law/convention that everyone must drive like a petrolhead as soon as they reach 17 and the pedals in a car.
I drive an automatic car because I first learned in N America. That does not make me inferior or give anyone the right to question 'why - can't you manage a clutch/gears' my life - my choice.

Jibberjabberjooo · 15/12/2015 07:01

I grew up in a rural part of the country (3 buses a week!). So everybody learned to drive as soon as they turned 17, as it was that or your parents took you everywhere.

So when I see people on mn who explain that they live in the middle of nowhere, have 3 dc, need to to get somewhere and don't drive I always wonder why. Why live rurally and not drive? I couldn't do it. I didn't drive when I lived in London as the public transport is brilliant, in a remote village, not so much.

Floppityflop · 15/12/2015 07:04

mollie123 · 15/12/2015 07:06

TBH - I don't think many people would choose to live rurally with 3 children and not drive - their situation must have changed from a previous life where there was a driver in the family or no children.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 15/12/2015 07:06

I'm exactly the same as Suddenly. Passed my test no problem, drove for about 5 years, got diagnosed with epilepsy. I don't want to explain that to people thanks very much, but saying I'm not allowed to drive instantly makes people think I've been done for drunk driving, dangerous driving, speeding or whatever else.

Floppityflop · 15/12/2015 07:07

Also, when I say I don't have a driving licence people usually ask whether I was done for drink driving or something!

Witchend · 15/12/2015 07:08

But surely I cannot drive you could also argue is usually wrong.
Most people could drive, albeit very badly/dangerously/illegally.

I mean before I learnt to drive I could have got behind a wheel and bunny hopped it down the road. Would it have been legal? No. Would I have been driving? Yes, very badly.

So saying I cannot drive would not have been true.
I cannot drive legally or I cannot drive well would be true.

I tended to say I don't have a car anyway, which you couldn't argue about... Although if you want to get pedantic,we did have a whole box full of cars ds played with...

TheHouseOnTheLane · 15/12/2015 07:09

Jibber it's very expensive to learn and to run a car. That's why.

InMySpareTime · 15/12/2015 07:09

I am able to drive, I have had Loooooaaads of lessons, but I am prone to major lapses of concentration. Manoeuvring is fine, but once I'm on a long straight road my mind wanders...
For that reason, I failed all four tests I sat, and decided not to pursue the matter further.
I don't drive, I use public transport, walk or cycle (somehow pedalling keeps my mind engaged) wherever I need to go.
Sometimes I will accept a lift, or DH will drive, but I've managed so far, even in the North, without driving.
It's not a compulsory life skill.

timelytess · 15/12/2015 07:12

I don't drive.
I can drive - I have a licence.
I don't have a car.
I have tried driving and I don't like it.

Oysterbabe · 15/12/2015 07:12

I have a licence but I don't drive, haven't in about 15 years.

AnyoneButSanta · 15/12/2015 07:13

I have a clean licence but never kept my skills up. I can legally drive and am insured on our car but it's probably best for all concerned that I don't. My DB has a driving licence but no car (Londoner).

TheSultanofPingu · 15/12/2015 07:19

I've never learned to drive, so no, I can't drive. As a consequence of this I don't drive. I probably use both.

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