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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"I don't drive"

269 replies

AmusingSpoonerism · 15/12/2015 03:50

I know IprobablyABU but this turn of phrase really winds me up. People say "I don't drive" when they mean "I cannot drive" or "I am not legally entitled to drive". It's not like they just decided that it's not something they'd like to do anymore so stopped. It really (unreasonably) winds me up.

Am I the only one?

OP posts:
Redlocks28 · 15/12/2015 10:07

I actually agree with you. 'I don't drive' sounds deliberately cryptic and a bit princess like (even from a man)!

I just think it would sound better if you said...
I haven't passed my driving test.
I don't own a car.
I can't drive due to my epilepsy.
I hate driving so choose not to.

Only few syllables more!

mmmuffins · 15/12/2015 10:10

YANBU. To me, "I don't drive" means I could drive but choose not to.

"I can't drive" means I don't know how to drive/have a medical exclusion/lost my licence/whatever.

bigmouthstrikesagain · 15/12/2015 10:10

I like walking and I don't drive, If I drove I would still like walking - I would really be surprised if anyone cited 'keeping fit' as a reason they did not learn to drive. I may be a reason for not using a car though you can drive. I just consider myself fortunate as I do enjoy walking and I enjoy pacing my life more slowly as I feel I get a chance to see, think and enjoy more.

DH spends his time in the car getting wound up about the poor driving of others and he gets stressed. We use our car very little as dh commutes to work, visiting his parents and daytrips generally. There is no need for me to go into the detail reasons I don't drive as they are similar to others headlines are I have probable dyspraxia two of my children are ASD and going anywhere is complicated.

Shakey15000 · 15/12/2015 10:12

Spoke too soon Hmm

Would you rather I didn't give a shit about causing an accident and potentially kill someone/myself?

candykane25 · 15/12/2015 10:12

redlocks why do you think a person has to declare their disability/health condition?
Would you like to share your medical history with me?

TinklyLittleLaugh · 15/12/2015 10:14

I think it bothers people so much because many people who cannot drive are, frankly, entitled scroungers. I give lots of people gifts, because I basically try to be a nice person. No one ever, ever offers me petrol money.

I have sympathy for those of you who would love to drive and can't; I would hate to have to rely on others. However the two worst lift scroungers I know have told me frankly that they just can't be bothered.

maybebabybee · 15/12/2015 10:14

*I actually agree with you. 'I don't drive' sounds deliberately cryptic and a bit princess like (even from a man)!

I just think it would sound better if you said...
I haven't passed my driving test.
I don't own a car.
I can't drive due to my epilepsy.
I hate driving so choose not to.*

Why the fuck should anyone divulge this information to someone who might be a random stranger? All of these inevitably open up more questions which I might not wish to answer.

bigmouthstrikesagain · 15/12/2015 10:14

Redlocks - why do people have to justify their non driver status - surely life is too short and it is up to an individual what they divulge in casual conversation. Now if you are interviewing me then fair enough... you can have the full and frank disclosure, but otherwise ... really?

maybebabybee · 15/12/2015 10:15

I think it bothers people so much because many people who cannot drive are, frankly, entitled scroungers. I give lots of people gifts, because I basically try to be a nice person. No one ever, ever offers me petrol money.

That's your problem. Don't offer lifts to people if you're going to begrudge them.

I only accept lifts off people who I know don't mind, if it doesn't inconvenience them in any way.

VocationalGoat · 15/12/2015 10:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

candykane25 · 15/12/2015 10:16

And mmmuffins I CAN drive in so far as I learnt to drive and put me behind a wheel I know what to do - but I am registered blind so I am not allowed to.
So I DON'T drive, not CAN'T.

The problems here is assumptions. You are assuming.

Don't.

TheSultanofPingu · 15/12/2015 10:19

Why does the reason actually matter to you though mmmuffins?

KingJoffreyLikesJaffaCakes · 15/12/2015 10:20

I think it bothers people so much because many people who cannot drive are, frankly, entitled scroungers.

If you don't want to give lifts then don't. Don't give them then bitch about it.

VocationalGoat · 15/12/2015 10:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SunnySomer · 15/12/2015 10:21

I can't understand why you're so worked up about this. Personally I say "I don't drive" because in my (long) experience people treat you differently if they know you have epilepsy. It is not something I ever feel a big need to discuss with anyone, but there are a LOT of people who assume that I will ferry their children/collect items for school etc - in spite of never having seen me in the vicinity of a car!
It is v unusual for a thread to irritate me, but this one really has.

mmmuffins · 15/12/2015 10:21

candykane25 I would very much say you can't drive. You are legally not allowed to.

You could say, "I know how to drive, but I can't."

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 15/12/2015 10:27

I think it bothers people so much because many people who cannot drive are, frankly, entitled scroungers.

What a steaming pile of absolute shite ^.

rubyflipper · 15/12/2015 10:28

YABU

I can drive - but right now I don't do motorways at night as I was in a crash on the M40 recently.
So if anyone invites me out and it involves driving on unlit roads at night. I ask if they don't mind driving as I'm still jittery after the accident.

I'd hate to think I was a burden, but I won't run the risk of a panic attack on the road.

candykane25 · 15/12/2015 10:29

mmmuffin you can say what you like but since it's my life and last time I checked I was free to define myself as I see fit, I say I don't drive.
Quite frankly, who are you to tell me what I can and can't say? Bonkers.

Sameshitdiffname · 15/12/2015 10:44

No second they really can't Hmm

WoodHeaven · 15/12/2015 10:49

mmmiffin don't you think that if someone is saying 'i know to drive but I can't' then it's opening the doors wide open to 'Really? But why???'

Also people can chose themselves how to define themselves. Saying 'I can't' is one way to look at the situation, one that is focuses on the disability and the physical impairment. I think it's only fair that that person would be free to chose how to define themselves and to decide 'they dont drive' which is a much more neutral statement focusing of a fact. It's true too!

But the main thing is, why should you have to explain yourself? The only thing it's doing is again opening the door to judgement and the other person deciding if that reason is 'good enough ' or not. I'm not sure that's an appropriate way to do that either.

Ironfloor · 15/12/2015 10:51

Until I passed my British driving test in May, I used to say 'I don't drive'. I was able to drive as I've been driving in my home country for about 5 years. I just said 'I don't drive' here because it's too bloody long to say 'I'm not legally entitled to drive'.

So YABU.

EnaSharplesHairnet · 15/12/2015 10:53

Yabu. They don't drive. Whatever the cause.

TesticleOfObjectivity · 15/12/2015 10:55

I think it bothers people so much because many people who cannot drive are, frankly, entitled scroungers.

If you are unable to say no to people who take the piss, that's your problem. If you don't want to give lifts then don't.

Sanchar · 15/12/2015 11:02

Well, where I live driving lessons are free! So is the test. And cars. And insurance. And tax. And maintenance. And petrol!! All free, the king pays for it, and I still don't drive🚗🚙🚗