To feel incensed by the woman who gave me daggers today

[lill72]

I took my 5 year old to a Christmas carols concert at the Royal Albert Hall today. Lots of children go, as it is a singalong. There are also lots of older people there. We were sitting just behind a group of women in the 60's. My DD accidentally kicked the back of the seat of one women. I could not believe the daggers the woman gave me. She turned around and I tried to explain I was doing my best to stop DD from doing this. She just kept staring at me, trying to show her utmost disapproval. She did not mutter a word. ONLY STARED.This was when she did it once. My daughter then did it once more just brushing her feet, again, by accident and the woman turned and did the stare. It was mean and it was ugly.

After interval, I put my programme in front of me so she could not make eye contact with me. My DD unfortunately brushed the seat again as she was a bit restless. the lady turned but she could not make eye contact. I thought I am not giving you the satisfaction miserable old git.

I get it. It is annoying when someone hits your seat. But she was really awful the first time it happened. As my daughter was doing it by accident when she moved it is very hard for me to control. It really upset me soneone could be so harsh when it's an all ages xmas singalong which is supposed to be joyous and bring love and the Christmas spirit into your heart. I feel like sometimes people have forgotten what it is like to be a child or have children.

After this, I did everything I could to stop DD doing it again.

This woman kind of ruined my afternoon. I try my utmost to have a well behaved daughter and I am always aware of others around me, so much so that I probably apologise too much for things I do. I just find this sort of behaviour from this woman so nasty and bereft of any sort of forgiveness for the fact it was a child. I think of anyone, this woman was the one with the appalling behaviour.

The other woman around me were lovely.

pictish can you explain what people have made up, since you seem so adamant that people are creating "fantasies" about the situation?

Its not a lazy straw man (its not a straw man at all, thats not what that phrase means), its the far more likely scenario on the balance of probabilities.
Some basic logic usually makes these posts clear. Especially when there are such obvious clues from the OP to guide you.

From the programme for 13th:

Clap your hands…stamp your feet…and sing your heart out as irrepressible showman Jonathan Cohen leads you through another fun-filled jamboree of his most-loved carols and all-time Christmas hits

If you are that sensitive to noise, best not go to a clapping, stamping singing jamboree of carols where people will be getting up and down in their seats to do so!

If it were an evening classical music concert, I would have sympathy. For this lady, I have none!

A straw man is something you set up in order to knock down - seems pretty close to me!

Yanbu. There are some weird people out there, I encountered someone just like that lady recently. I can also see how it would ruin your night, I am also sensitive to other people's nastiness, and it can put a downer on a nice event. I'm surprised at the responses youve had tbh, haven't read the whole thread but sometimes on aibu when an op involves DC upsetting strangers your "special snowflake" as posters love to say, will always be in the wrong!

hp is that from the show the Op went to see. if it is then i can understand 100% how the womans chair would have been kicked several times. but it also seems we dont have the full story from the op. people can only respond to what the op has put. i know we all leave things out sometimes or we did not realised it mattered. but there seems to have been a big junk in this case.

people think its a sit and watch type show not a jump about stamp your feet show. because thats not been explained.

www.royalalberthall.com/tickets/events/2015/christmas-carol-singalong-2/

If you watch the vid for 2 seconds you will see it is all kids and audience participation- dancing, actions to songs, everyone getting up out of their seats (and possibly banging others when they sit down again gasp) , it's not a sitting down audience all quiet classical concert!

The Op says it is a singalong in the afternoon with kids and older people making up most of the audience. The RAH a cramped packed space. What is there to misunderstand about the OP, unless you want to?!

Your OP doesn't really make sense.

My DD accidentally kicked the back of the seat of one women. I could not believe the daggers the woman gave me. She turned around and I tried to explain I was doing my best to stop DD from doing this. She just kept staring at me, trying to show her utmost disapproval. She did not mutter a word. ONLY STARED.This was when she did it once.

If she only did it once, why would you be trying to explain that you were 'doing your best to stop your DD from doing it?'

Surely you'd just apologise for the one off kick and swap seats if your DD did it again?

The truth costs nothing. There's no need to be so economical with it

OP, you're full of it. If you were "doing your best to stop her doing it" then it wasn't the first kick, was it? Your kid was kicking the back of her chair and you were being wet about it.
And she did not stare at you for that long. It just felt long because you were embarrassed.

Oh my fucking God. It seems you and a few others are full of it actually.
Were you with the OP at the time? The OP said her dd wasn't actually kicking the chair, so why do people keep insisting that she was kicking it when THEY WEREN'T EVEN THERE?

I don't doubt that it was annoying for the woman in front, but the fact is the little girl wasn't actually kicking the chair and her little legs weren't long enough to touch the floor.
She wasn't being a naughty child, and the OP did her best to keep reminding her dd to be careful. But come on, this is a 5 year old we are talking about and all children that age are a bit clumsy and forgetful. She wasn't being naughty though- naughty would be booting the chair again and again and having a paddy when told to stop.

Who goes to an afternoon singalong

It was a Christmas concert at the Royal Albert Hal;. Expensive tickets, I'd assume, and gosh - maybe people were there to hear & enjoy the music? It wasn't a singalong at the local church hall.

Although children need to learn that kicking the back of a chair anywhere is not something they should do.

What is there to misunderstand about the OP, unless you want to?!

Exactly. People read what they want to read and project accordingly.

If you are that sensitive to noise, best not go to a clapping, stamping singing jamboree of carols where people will be getting up and down in their seats to do so!

it's not about noise you idiot! It's about kicking the back of a seat. I agree with whoever upstream said it was like nails on a blackboard. The right kind of kick can send a really nasty vibration up your spine that sometimes can make me feel quite sick. It's worse in those old fashioned wooden backed seats or those old types you got on buses.

And I don't think a concert at the Royal Albert hall is a "jamboree* and even if it is, the last time I checked it is possible to get out of your seat, up and down, without making any contact with the person in front.

But come on, this is a 5 year old we are talking about

Ah! The clarion call of the self-entitled poor parent who has failed to raise their child with good manners and discipline.

No, it's a singalong. Maybe quite expensive to go, but still fun, lots of actions to songs, people joining in, getting out of seats. It is not a big deal- and lots of children go!

If you want to sit and listen quietly to some lovely Christmas music, this is not the event to attend, although perhaps the lady will now realise this and not attend next year as it clearly isn't her kind of thing.

The OP said her dd wasn't actually kicking the chair, so why do people keep insisting that she was kicking it when THEY WEREN'T EVEN THERE?

Errrr because the OP said her DD kicked the chair?

She then tried to explain that she was doing her best to stop her from kicking the chair

im starting to understand where op is coming from since hp has explained more cleary.

so op from what hp has said you are uanbu

but you were unreasonable not to have explained more clearly. i think you would have got a much better response if you had.

anyway its over with now so cant change it. hope that your daughter did not realise and she had fun. just let it go probably never see the woman again anyway

Where did anyone say the lady wanted to sit and listen quietly? It doesn't matter what kind of event it was. Having your seat kicked repeatedly is not something anyone should have to put up with.

She said her dd's feet were brushing the back of the chair.

I took my 5 year old to a Christmas carols concert at the Royal Albert Hall today. Lots of children go, as it is a singalong.

I get it. It is annoying when someone hits your seat. But she was really awful the first time it happened. As my daughter was doing it by accident when she moved it is very hard for me to control. It really upset me soneone could be so harsh when it's an all ages xmas singalong which is supposed to be joyous and bring love and the Christmas spirit into your heart. I feel like sometimes people have forgotten what it is like to be a child or have children.

After this, I did everything I could to stop DD doing it again.

This woman kind of ruined my afternoon. I try my utmost to have a well behaved daughter and I am always aware of others around me, so much so that I probably apologise too much for things I do.

From the OP's OP... seems pretty clear to me.

Btw - the protracted staring out of a stranger on the strength of her five year old accidentally bumping your seat, is extreme and confrontational behaviour. But whatever.

I'd've squirted her with breast milk grin then explained about my forceful let-down and oversupply

This. But I am weird like that.

Children cannot be physically restrained every time they go outside. They will accidentally kick/elbow/flick boogers on strangers occasionally, we as parents apologize profusely and life goes on. If you get outraged because a member of the public encroached on your world with an accidental chair kick then just stay in your house and never go out in public. We all have a right not to be hurt, molested, abused by other peoples behavior, but the occasional inconvenience is the price we pay for living in a society.

Reminds me of the quote by the great Neil deGrasse Tyson,

“We spend the first year of a child's life teaching it to walk and talk and the rest of its life to shut up and sit down. There's something wrong there.”

Mascara

"My DD accidentally kicked the back of the seat of one women. I could not believe the daggers the woman gave me. She turned around and I tried to explain I was doing my best to stop DD from doing this."

It's right there in the OP...

If your spine is so sensitive that a couple of kicks in a chair will disturb you irrevocably for the entire afternoon and prevent you enjoying a fun noisy loud party type atmosphere (adults drinking, laughing etc) then really, yes, you do have to stay home. You simply can't fix it so everyone can get their children to never ever do anything remotely annoying - they might come up to you at a restaurant and speak, they may bang your chair a few times, a baby may cry loudly, a child may have a tantrum because that's how it is with children, they do unpredictable things.

The Uk is a busy packed place, yesterday I was in a supermarket and people were bumping trollies and it was all a bit squished. Was this better served by me glaring at people who didn't quite have control of their trollies, or whose children were heading in front of them, or by smiling, and being a bit tolerant, and realising that it's near to Christmas and no big deal?

And then she went on to say her feet brushed the back of the seat

If her dd did actually kick the seat then my point stands that it was accidental and that she wasn't being naughty. And that children that age are clumsy and a bit forgetful, especially when excited. agap made a good point that that children can't always be restrained when out in public.

Ah! The clarion call of the self-entitled poor parent who has failed to raise their child with good manners and discipline.**
**
Oooft