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Original poster

To feel incensed by the woman who gave me daggers today

331 replies

lill72 · 13/12/2015 23:32

I took my 5 year old to a Christmas carols concert at the Royal Albert Hall today. Lots of children go, as it is a singalong. There are also lots of older people there. We were sitting just behind a group of women in the 60's. My DD accidentally kicked the back of the seat of one women. I could not believe the daggers the woman gave me. She turned around and I tried to explain I was doing my best to stop DD from doing this. She just kept staring at me, trying to show her utmost disapproval. She did not mutter a word. ONLY STARED.This was when she did it once. My daughter then did it once more just brushing her feet, again, by accident and the woman turned and did the stare. It was mean and it was ugly.

After interval, I put my programme in front of me so she could not make eye contact with me. My DD unfortunately brushed the seat again as she was a bit restless. the lady turned but she could not make eye contact. I thought I am not giving you the satisfaction miserable old git.

I get it. It is annoying when someone hits your seat. But she was really awful the first time it happened. As my daughter was doing it by accident when she moved it is very hard for me to control. It really upset me soneone could be so harsh when it's an all ages xmas singalong which is supposed to be joyous and bring love and the Christmas spirit into your heart. I feel like sometimes people have forgotten what it is like to be a child or have children.

After this, I did everything I could to stop DD doing it again.

This woman kind of ruined my afternoon. I try my utmost to have a well behaved daughter and I am always aware of others around me, so much so that I probably apologise too much for things I do. I just find this sort of behaviour from this woman so nasty and bereft of any sort of forgiveness for the fact it was a child. I think of anyone, this woman was the one with the appalling behaviour.

The other woman around me were lovely.

OP posts:
MascaraAndConverse89 · 14/12/2015 09:15

because the OP's version of events is very unlikely. What do you think is more feasible:
a) the woman glared at the OP because a child was repeatedly kicking the back of her seat
b) the child merely brushed the seat and the woman turned around and glared at the OP for exactly 10 seconds

I actually think there are some odd and quite scary people that would turn around and stare at someone for 10 seconds.

MascaraAndConverse89 · 14/12/2015 09:17

because the OP's version of events is very unlikely. What do you think is more feasible:
a) the woman glared at the OP because a child was repeatedly kicking the back of her seat
b) the child merely brushed the seat and the woman turned around and glared at the OP for exactly 10 seconds

I actually think there are some odd and quite scary people that would turn around and stare at someone for 10 seconds.

BeautyQueenFromMars · 14/12/2015 09:17

Some of you are downright nasty. Do you deliberately twist the words of the OP so you can get a boot in, or do you just not read things properly and then make huge assumptions that fit your agenda of being self-righteous and holier-than-thou?

gotthemoononastick · 14/12/2015 09:20

The most astonishingly worst bit of all the behaviours was the' hiding behind a program' form my point of view!

SelfLoathing · 14/12/2015 09:21

ghostspirit

a second time in very firm voice i would say.. KICK THE CHAIR AGAIN AND WE ARE LEAVING... DO YOU UNDERSTAND!

[applause]

Absolutely.

pictish · 14/12/2015 09:23

Do you deliberately twist the words of the OP so you can get a boot in
Yes...that's exactly what happens.

or do you just not read things properly and then make huge assumptions that fit your agenda of being self-righteous and holier-than-thou?
Again that's a yes.

ghostspirit · 14/12/2015 09:23

my understanding form the op first post is that the 5 yeat old kicked the womans chair once and the woman turned round and gave mum dagger look.

but at that point did mum tell dd to be more careful... it happend several times did mum give dd any sort of warning. we dont really know as she does not say on her first post.

so in blunt terms im reading my daughter kept kicking someones seat and she gave us dagger looks and it ruined our afternoon. and i dont see anywhere if daughter was told to be careful/warned...

maybe it says somewhere on the thread but not on the first post.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 14/12/2015 09:25

Having read the OP, seems that the OP is minimising what her daughter did. A few light "brushes" would not have been felt unless the woman in front was the Princess from Princess and the Pea, so it stands to reason that the "brushes" were more forceful than OP is willing to admit. And the OP had no way of knowing that the "first" kick was actually the first.

Also, OP may have spoken to her daughter and held her feet once, but as she acknowledges, a restless 5 year old is too little to know what they're doing. So they should have swapped seats. So OP didn't "do everything in her power".

It's so odd to me that the OP's daughter was the one carrying out anti-social behaviour, and yet we have yet another example of a parent focusing only on "how DARE someone make me feel bad" and turning it around to make it all about them. No self-awareness at all. No empathy for the person whose enjoyment of the concert you're disrupting.

The woman didn't swear at you, didn't hit you, wasn't disruptive, didn't stare at you FOR NO REASON - she turned and stared every time your child kicked the seat. Because your DD was disturbing her.

But no, it's always always everybody else's fault.

AliceInUnderpants · 14/12/2015 09:26

Wow the woman in front must have a very sensitive pain response if she could feel every time your daughter brushed the chair with her feet.

KakiFruit · 14/12/2015 09:26

There has been no twisting. The OP's exact, unaltered words are enough!

pictish · 14/12/2015 09:27

Some of you really need to get a life.

ghostspirit · 14/12/2015 09:29

pict that made me laugh thank you its only 9.25 Grin

i do agree some times things do get twisted. i have not ready every post so it could be true in some cases. i have had this happen to me many times. so i agree that can happen. but from what i have seen on this thread thats not happend people can only work with what they read. and on the ops first post there does not seem to be any sort of explaining to the child or telling the child off if needed. and no empathy for the womans whos chair is being kicked.

imwithspud · 14/12/2015 09:31

I actually think there are some odd and quite scary people that would turn around and stare at someone for 10 seconds.

I agree, I posted a thread a while back about this woman sat on the table next to me in a cafe who spent the whole time glaring at me, even following me with her eyes as I left - and I have no idea why either! It was really creepy and made me feel uncomfortable.

Sounds like the woman has a very low tolerance, yes chair kicking is annoying but to glare at someone for an extended amount of time without uttering a word is over the top and unnecessary, especially for the first time (which if it happened to me I would have brushed off as an accident). A simple "excuse me" would have been better surely?

ghostspirit · 14/12/2015 09:33

maybe the stares where saying... are you going to tell your child to stop or let her carry on kicking my chair...

5 is still little but old enough to be told dont do it.

TheSecondViola · 14/12/2015 09:34

OP, you're full of it. If you were "doing your best to stop her doing it" then it wasn't the first kick, was it? Your kid was kicking the back of her chair and you were being wet about it.
And she did not stare at you for that long. It just felt long because you were embarrassed.

PurpleDaisies · 14/12/2015 09:38

I agree with ghost-it sounds like she was waiting for you to take control of the situation and tell your daughter not to kick the seat, or she is a teacher with a death stare that normally makes children stop doing something naughty (a very useful skill to have!).

Would it have been better if she had sharply told your daughter to cut it out? That would have been entirely justified

pictish · 14/12/2015 09:39

The amount of imagination and effort some people are putting in here simply so they can haughtily dispute the OP's account of what took place, even though they weren't there and haven't the first clue how it actually transpired in the moment. Sheer conjecture made real because it serves their agenda to make it so? Jog on fantasists.

KakiFruit · 14/12/2015 09:42

Pictish I'm not sure why you're so invested in this but there are no leaps of imagination taking place. It's unfeasible to many that a five year old "brushed" a seat on one occasion hard enough for its occupant to feel AND to react to.

Queenbean · 14/12/2015 09:43

How do you know she only kicked the lady a few times? Were you watching her legs the whole time instead of the concert?

pictish · 14/12/2015 09:45

It sounds like this...it sounds like that...
But none of you know anything do you? You don't know what she said to her dd, you don't know how hard the 'kicks' were, you don't know how many times it happened. None of you know anything other than hat the OP has told you.
What does that matter though, make it the fuck up and shred her anyway...cos that's fun, right?

Mumsnet is a bastard for this pedaling of fantasies as though they were fact, this making the story fit to posters' own desire to tear someone down. I hate it.

HPsauciness · 14/12/2015 09:46

This woman is a meanie. Who goes to an afternoon singalong with lots of children attending and then death stares the first one to do a minor thing like bang the back of the chair once or twice?

If you are genuinely so rattled by chair banging or the close proximity of children, and some people might be if they are ill for example, best go to an entirely different type of concert. However, even then- the seats are squishy, people get squashed passing by each other, seats are often banged as people settle down, the RAH is exceptionally bad for that but many concert halls are equally squidgy and being banged/squashed etc is par for the course.

As for those saying they would have marched the little madam out after one more accidental bang- really? If you know the RAH you would know you would be wedged in by this point and in your keenness to display your tough parenting, would undoubtedly have to climb over and disturb everyone in your row and the one behind you. This would have been far more disruptive than staying put, especially if your dd really didn't bang again.

This lady was not Christmassy and people who are so sensitive shouldn't go in public concert halls this near to Christmas!

ghostspirit · 14/12/2015 09:46

pict i think if the op had said in her first post. how she had tried to stop her daughter from doing it. spoke to her firmly or what ever the responce may have been different. but it seems that dd was not told to stop it. and it was not explained to daughter why she should not do it... all i read is dd kept kicking chair... woman stared at me.

drinkfeckarse · 14/12/2015 09:46

Have any of you who think the child bumping the chair in front is a big deal actually been to the event OP is talking about?

I have been many times - before I had children. Its like a great big kids party where adults get to enjoy Christmas like kids. Its all about the fun.

I've been surrounded by kids who barely sat still thoughout and once sat behind an enormous family who all produced reindeer antlers and jingle bells as soon as it started. It is not somewhere you'd expect people to be grumpy.

There is a wide range of tickets across all prices. Its a very family friendly inclusive event. Christmas cheer and all that?

parachutesilk · 14/12/2015 09:47

I know often we read between the lines of an OP and speculate, but I don't think I've ever seen so many people rewriting an OP to give themselves something more satisfying to rant against!

I agree about the ageist comments by the way. The assumption that the OP must be lying and minimizing - that it must really have been repeated kicks with no serious attempt to stop them - is a lazy straw man though.

stripeypillow · 14/12/2015 09:47

If your child is poorly behaved to the extent that you had to hold her feet to stop her kicking, then she should not have been taken to the concert in the first place. You clearly have not taught her how to behave properly in public.