to think that you cannot work full time and support your children's education?

[IslandGirlie]

I've tried to juggle FT work and 2 DCs, they are in Reception & Y1 and failing miserably!
This month I've missed a few school request/ preps for events & kids are having to rush to get things ready for said events. Teachers sending notes to remind things..
I feel like I'm not supporting them in their school work / not spending quality time with them.
Is it possible to be on top this and work full time? School sends at lest 1 email a day! Most days it's two!! There's is always a leaflet in the bag..
DH works full time too and he is helpful as much as he can do. I can't stop wondering that it's not possible to work FT and support children.
How do you do it?

Bertrand here are the requests for this week

For Weds: DS - brown tights for his play - he didn't have any obviously. Plus a white t shirt which he also didn't have. Did an online order.

For Weds: DD - black leggings and a black vest - didn't have either - we borrowed but that meant multiple texts out and arranging of handovers!

For Thurs: Both - xmas jumper day or jazz up an existing jumper using tinsel (we didn't have any so I threw money at it and bought them)

For Thurs: savoury food for class party x 1 kid. Paper plates for class party x 1 kid

For Friday: bring toys and games in to school (I ignore this)

In between times, approx. two hours of homework for the six year old, three hours for the nine year old. Also reading and library books plus times tables.

Other requests: please colour in this picture of a star to affix to your child's class teacher's Christmas card and again for the TA, times two. Plus deliver £10 to the class rep for each child. I ignore the craft but not the cash bit.

Things to buy: raffle tickets, school photos, Christmas cards. I ignore almost all of this.

Attend the nativity play x2 (doing this). Attend the Christmas concert at church the next day (not doing this)

Last week was similar as there was a class trip.

Admittedly normally it's not this bad but why suggest that there aren't a lot of logistics around school when there obviously are.

The DC's school now email all letters and have electronic reply slips. No forgotten letters or crumpled slips. I've given them my work email so it pings up on my work computer. I click on it and sort it out in 5 mins then make diary note. Much easier.

And also - and I know this makes me a Bad Mother - actually, while I am working (and yes this is often from my office at home but I do work full-time) I want and ought to be thinking about work. I like my work. I want to be able to think about that, not school.

Depends what you mean by your question.

If you mean, 'deal with all admin crap', then yes, I do think it's possible.

If you mean, 'actually support your children's learning at home' then no. I don't think you can actually. How can you when your child is out of the house for 10 hours a day, afterschool club til 6, comes home then goes to bed at 7?

bertrand "And why is getting an email from the school such a big deal?"

I have 3DC in two different schools, between them they are on six school sport teams; two G&T groups; one Sen group; two choirs/bands groups. There are 3 form tutors, two house groups and then of course there's standard school correspondence.

I can easily get upwards of twenty emails a week. That is the big deal.

And it's all very well swung it's the schools problem but it is DC that are embarrassed when they don't have the right outfit or forgot to bring a certain item.

How can you when your child is out of the house for 10 hours a day, afterschool club til 6, comes home then goes to bed at 7?

Exactly this. We've had all of the projects in, but things like homework, daily reading, maths assignments (no, we couldn't go for a walk and count leaves because it's DARK by the time we all get home.) and such just get lost in the shuffle. Dividing 90 minutes of home time between 2 DCs, making dinner and doing admin stuff just doesn't fly.

I agree with PP - pick your battles. We always do reading and spellings. I don't help out in school or do PTA cake sale stuff. Notebook for a home 'to do' list (or whatever format you use to list must do stuff at work). Amazon prime for next day delivery. A mum friend who also works who you see every day - each of us only has to remember 50% of the stuff!
I'm currently on mat leave so doing more - and it's amazing how much time you can spend on school stuff if you choose!

Both DH and I have worked full time since kids were in school they are a year apart too. Now 15 and 14. In addition to school, they also did activities most nights a week. Both doing well in school. It's hard work but then what isn't? My house isn't as tidy and organised as I'd like - that's the compromise really.

What this all seems to come down to is badly run schools and parents scrabbling to pander to the school and the PTA. There is no excuse for the school to be that poor about communication. If the school communicates properly in advance there is no reason why it should be a drama or last minute panic.

This. I'm grateful DD's school seems to be very organised so far. Everything is a couple of week's notice. It gives me time to order things in online. Basically I'm throwing money at requests, if you would say that.

And because we live in a fairly naice area, all the costumes are shop bought. I can see the diferrence in nativity play photos. Every single kind in DD's school have a costume from the supermarkets. I've seen friend's ones with homemade ones. It makes it easier for working parents if it's all bought.

Geez. All these middle-class issues make me so grateful that my kids go to a very mixed city school who don't load the parents with all this crap. The thought of needing to cut hours at work to "manage" school administration is laughable to most parents.

nulgirl it's just school being disorganised or not. But yes, we do have a lot of demands for money and costume. But so far they've given enough notice for me to throw money at it. This term, I've already had done angel, superhero and party dress. The angel is for the navtivity. It's such a waste when 30 kids went out to buy 30 angel costumes. They could have just reuse old ones at school. But I guess naice middle class kids want new costumes?

Fucking costumes. Requests we've had have included 'Dress up as an insect' ffs. Here's a thought. How about all the six year olds don't dress up as insects, and the whoever is thinking this stuff up in the staffroom puts the glue down.

Two of my DC are at the same Infant School (YR & Y2). Between the two of them, this half-term alone, there have been 12 events during school hours for parents to attend. Most of these stipulate that younger siblings may not be brought along. In addition to that, there have been 2 class parents' nights out, a PTA pamper evening & a weekend event at the village church to which the school is linked. DS2 also has SEN & we have had 2 medical appointments for him plus a meeting which took over an hour. Then there are the usual playdates & parties (8 between the boys), plus DS1's extra-curricular clubs (2 in the week, 1 at the weekend).

We also have Parentmail, through which I receive an average of 10 messages per week, per child. Then there is the homework (DS1 - reading, spelling, times tables. DS2 - reading, writing name, reading & writing sounds, reading words, filling in a busy book each week, star moments, writing in his home/school book), which takes up an hour per evening between the two of them (DS2 takes longer due to his SEN, but is very keen to do his writing & reading, so I capitalise on that enthusiasm, so probably 40 mins of this is spent with him). At the moment we are also writing Christmas cards - 29+ per DS.

Then there are the requests for costumes, party food, Christmas books - and money . All times two, of course.

I also have DS3 (22 months) at home with me full-time & nobody who can offer regular ad hoc childcare, as all of my family either work, are too distant or are not well enough to look after a lively toddler. This means that I sometimes have to miss out on school events, which I fear must be disappointing for my DC - although I have made all of this half-term's commitments except for one. Today, for example, there was a Christmas story session for parents & DC to share, but no younger siblings were allowed, so I did not attend.

I very much admire anyone who can deal with all of this & work as well, plus run a household - I just don't have the organisational skills to do it!

Statistically, about a third of the children at the schools my DC attended will have been living in relative poverty, a few of them in absolute poverty. We know there are parents on MN needing food banks right now. I think complicated costume or dressing-up requests probably do frazzle them, yes, including the Xmas jumper.

I hated dressing up days. I thought when my son went to secondary school we'd seen the end of them.

Anyway, second-to-last day of summer term of year 6, school announced a dressing up day! My son wanted to skive off, he hates them. I couldn't believe it. Whatever your views on tax-dodging, zero hours contracts etc Amazon is your friend when it comes to costumes ;)

He has had dressing up days at secondary too, but fortunately they've been of the wear a Christmas jumper, wear something green, wear jeans type. No Roman/Greek/evacuee/World Book Day etc.

Yes organisation and forward communication by the school comes into it but many other schools simply don't ask for this kind of commitment. My kids school never has costume days as it is acknowledged that it is a burden on the parents and unfair for the kids whose parents can't or won't make them costumes.

On world book day for example kids are asked to bring in or talk about a book which they have loved. This then sparks lots of activities from this as the kids then decide how to bring that to life in drama or movement. No need for parents to spend time or cash trying to think up the best outfit.

Activity list for mine this week (the stuff I'm actually aware of) + homework.

Mon: Coffee morning instead of nursery - was expected to take cakes (we stayed in our PJ's all morning and stayed home).
After school: coach trip to panto - expect to arrive home around 11pm.
Tues: School/nursery when they're up and ready to go.
Thurs: AM: Singing at local place, PM Xmas party at school - change of clothes required
Fri: Carols at local shops - xmas clothes/costume required
Sun: Carols at church, official xmas dinner/party
Next mon: school carol concert

No wonder I just want to sit around in my pyjamas.

Op I work full time with my toddler! I cant take my eyes of her for a minuet and I struggle to keep up with school crap. I miss things! I never know how each day will go, what will distract me. So dont feel guilty or worry!

Oh I forgot... friday night they want us to go and admire the newly refurbed school building. will be at home drinking wine

Livin my insect costume looked quite alien.

Surely the title of this thread should be "why can't the school educate my child without assuming I have 5 hours a week flexible spare time and infinite patience that they can draw on without payment or warning?"

You can tell the school to go away - not everyone fits into a model of endless free time to do this stuff.

YANBU. We have 4 dc's under 17. DH works full time with a decent commute, I work mainly 4 days a week and some weeks full time. There is always something I feel I should attend, parent partnership meeting/ carol service/ meet the new head meeting etc as well as helping with all the homework etc. DD is apparently behind with everything , and 2 ds's are struggling with maths GCSE and A levels which dh is trying to help with.

5 hours a week???????? bloody hell, it takes you a long time to locate a couple of pound coins!

OP, you are not being unreasonable at all and you're not alone. I felt exactly the same when my DDs were that age. Sometimes the "to do" list seems never-ending. I had terrible feelings of guilt and inadequacy that I wasn't around enough to be the type of parent I had always envisaged I would be. I do think my DDs suffered because I wasn't around to be at the school gates enough to make friends with the other parents and consequently my DDs were not part of the in "clique" of girls. In retrospect, this might not necessarily have been a bad thing!

My heart would just sink when letters came home about a costume on a particular theme or a project involving building a First World War trench, etc. Many Saturdays were spent trawling charity shops for clothes and accessories and art supplies for projects, not to mention the cost of all these things, and then Sundays putting the wretched things together. We tried to put a positive spin on it but, to be honest, we would much rather have been out walking in the countryside, beach picnics etc. I would say that Ebay can be a lifesaver for costumes and saves a lot of hours trawling the shops. In my experience parents do tend to make most of the models and projects, given the quality of those I have seen (including one utterly beautiful wooden castle made by one boy's grandfather who was a master carpenter!).

I also agree about the number of emails - even now with youngest DD in last year at secondary, I receive at least one or two per day with endless demands for money for charity days, non-uniform, food bank donations, school trips, GCSE revision info, raffle tickets, forms to buy bloomin' school Christmas puddings, concerts....the list goes on and on!
My advice is to write everything on a list and stick it on the fridge, ticking off as you go. Do as much as you can as far in advance as you can. Don't beat yourself up if you forget something or don't get it done in time.

Good luck x