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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think that you cannot work full time and support your children's education?

463 replies

IslandGirlie · 13/12/2015 23:25

I've tried to juggle FT work and 2 DCs, they are in Reception & Y1 and failing miserably!
This month I've missed a few school request/ preps for events & kids are having to rush to get things ready for said events. Teachers sending notes to remind things..
I feel like I'm not supporting them in their school work / not spending quality time with them.
Is it possible to be on top this and work full time? School sends at lest 1 email a day! Most days it's two!! There's is always a leaflet in the bag..
DH works full time too and he is helpful as much as he can do. I can't stop wondering that it's not possible to work FT and support children.
How do you do it?

OP posts:
Longdistance · 17/12/2015 23:53

We've just had this Xmas jumper twattery at dd's school. Luckily last years jumpers fitted.
It's the non uniform days, the bake a cake, come to science day during the week.
My dd's were until recently getting homework every night, be it a new letter to write, or some reading. They're 4 and 6yo (R and yr1) absolutely ridiculous!
Both me and Dh work ft, and I get texts, letters and emails from the school for upcoming events. We try and keep up, but some days they miss out. It's the constant demands on homework/events/celebrations/charities.
It's never ending.
I feel for the op.

unlucky83 · 18/12/2015 00:27

Ok -fair enough....but still I don't want the school teaching my child that they have to follow trends, especially ones like this -blatant consumerism - and it was onesies a couple of years ago...so handing down will only work as long as they still 'on trend'.

(As for supporting charities Text Santa has just gone onto my charities I would never donate to list - along with the Red Cross and their fecking coasters)
But then I nearly complained to the school -or rather the council...when the eco team visited to talk about recycling and gave all the DCs a pointless fluffy ball with a label attached (sure they have a name but can't think of it) - the label said 'don't forget to recycle' - so to encourage recycling/being green you give 100s of DCs some tat that has zero purpose or use and is going to end up in the bin sooner or later - and can't even be recycled Confused.

mathanxiety · 18/12/2015 04:43

BR I have said several times (I did forget on my last post, I admit) that one of the things schools should most definitely stop doing is asking for things that are expensive.

But BR, surely you can see that what is a drop in the ocean for one family would be expensive for another? How are teachers supposed to guess what might be 'expensive'?

Last minute requests for jam sandwiches might be a biggie if a parent had to schlep a 6 yo, a 4 yo and a 2 yo out in the evening to buy the bread and jam. Do teachers assume people have only one child? Or that they have someone handy to take care of children while the parent nips out for the bread and jam? The amount of work involved in producing 30 jam sandwiches at short notice might indeed be unreasonable.

ShortCutButton, what part of 'school assigns random food items to the children two days in advance' do you not understand? There is no amount of stockpiling jam sandwiches that will help you if your child gets assigned the task of bringing paper plates this year but you are working on last year's request for jam sandwiches.

And wrt handing down the Christmas jumpers your wait is over, Myothername fine if this tradition goes on year after year. Fine if you have all girls or all boys. Fine if you don't have twins. Fine if your don't have an only child. Yes to chubby/skinny... And you forgot the sort of families where there is a red haired child among the rest who would look godawful in red.

YYY to Millionpram's remarks about cultural capital. What schools are doing is widening the gap caused by disparity in this area.

YYY to remarks about blatant consumerism, and encouraging a herd mentality wrt clothing -- there is pressure not to be the only one without the stuff the school wants you to have. Then down the line schools wonder why they have a bullying/excluding problem on their hands, focusing on clothing and personal appearance.

School comes together to have fun = some children wear naicer jumpers than others and everyone notices. This sounds like a hoot.

YYY to children being encouraged to give their time and talent and not engage in pointless gestures that focus on appearance, Want2Be. This was my experience of having children in school in the US. They all went to sing at the retirement home, decorate trees in the lobby with the elderly, year after year. They also went around the school neighbourhood picking up donations of imperishable food one Saturday morning in early December to stock up the food pantry. This was preceded by making advertisement posters for local shops and flyers that were tied around trees and lamp posts. I thought those were very well designed service opportunities.

There really is absolutely no educational benefit to wearing a Christmas jumper, Myotherusername. Everything you claim as a benefit could equally be done with an art project in school, or a vocab/spelling list.

BoboChic · 18/12/2015 05:37

If you think there is some kind of educational benefit to the mass wearing of Christmas jumpers by schoolchildren, God help us Shock

mummytime · 18/12/2015 05:54

Umm my DD's school specifically says it's looking more for old jumpers decorated creatively with tinsel etc And I know those ones will be the ones to get prizes.

Even as a SAHM I resented too many demands by school for my time (and didn't attend some).

But if your children have SN or other "issues" then sometimes full-time work isn't really compatible - and I have no idea how some families cope.

Mistigri · 18/12/2015 06:23

What is the point in buying Christmas jumpers for charity when if everyone who bought a jumper just gave the same amount of money to charity then far more money would be raised?

Maybe I'm just having a bah humbug moment but it sounds like a really fucking stupid idea, even before you get into the argument about whether schools should be asking parents to spend money they can't afford on crap they don't want.

Notasinglefuckwasgiven · 18/12/2015 07:07

Agree. Christmas jumper day today for dd. Waste of fifteen quid buying the jumper to donate a pound for wearing it todayHmm
Last charity day was food bank collection and we sent in two huge bags of stuff. Cost the same but did way more good in my opinion! Why not do that again?

BoboChic · 18/12/2015 07:11

There are so many ways of fundraising without incurring costs (or, worse still, incurring costs that way exceed the amount raised). DC need to learn the value of money and the economics of fund raising.

Notasinglefuckwasgiven · 18/12/2015 07:14

Yes Bobo. Wearing a jumper or clicking like on Facebook lulls people into a false sense of doing something.

myotherusernameisbetter · 18/12/2015 07:29

FFS I give up.

DeoGratias · 18/12/2015 08:45

Someone saying children only have hoodies and no jumpers in my definition of parent complying with school edict what is the difference - send them in their ordinary hoodie with a picture of santa from a magazine seletaped on the front.

The assumption both parents don't work full time when children are at primary school is one of the bigger issues for parents. However I know at primary school my child had two teachers who were married and both worked full time, used before and after school clubs and those sorts of teachers know money is tight and also know the pressures parents are under either financially or in just getting done the stuff you need to get done and in our case with 5 children at school (which we used to have) that is a lot of school demands. You almost need a spreadsheet to keep track of them all. With only two at school now it's a lot easier and I am liking emails from the school which are only recent as you see stuff when you have time and don't have to rely on the child remembering to bring a note home or dredging it up from the depths of a dirty pocket.

Peer pressure is a different issue but still can be expensive in some schools.

FannyTheChampionOfTheWorld · 18/12/2015 08:46

Quite, bobo. Talk about scraping the barrel.

littlejolee · 18/12/2015 08:47

My mum worked full time as a nurse and still did loads to support my education when I was a nipper (this was 20+ years ago though and she worked three 12 hour weekend night shifts on a&e to do it and subsequently burnt out pretty quickly. She's a yoga teacher now!) But I really don't know how parents are supposed to keep up with everything they are meant to be doing outside school hours and work ft these days, it all seems a bit ridiculous

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